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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel upset at this response to asking for a seat?

71 replies

listsandbudgets · 16/03/2017 09:28

Feeling a bit shaken.

I suffer from nocturnal epilepsy. Recently its been better controlled but last night I had a massive fit maybe around 3am but hard to say. DP away so somehow managed to get children to school.

On way back I had to wait ages for bus and it was very crowded. I was dizzy, aching and feeling confused like I was about to faint. My speech is also slurred (this is relevent).

I asked a man if he would mind letting me have his seat as I wasn't feeling well and he said "no I'm not letting you sit down just because you're drunk at 8.30 in the morning" then turned his back on me.

Then I just found myself crying

The lovely man behind him asked me what was wrong and I just said was unwell and felt faint and he immediately gave up his seat.

I probably am being unreasonable and should have explained to first man but I was so confused and dizzy I just made a mess of it :(

OP posts:

Bellerophon · 16/03/2017 09:29

Ridiculous response from the man sitting down, am tired of these f u c k w i t s in society!!

YANBU!

Original poster

listsandbudgets · 16/03/2017 09:30

Drop kids early because DD had orchestra this morning (usally yesterday but they moved it this week)

OP posts:

honeysucklejasmine · 16/03/2017 09:30

No, of course you're not. First man was a judgemental arsehole, as proved by man #2 giving you his seat.

Bundesliga · 16/03/2017 09:30

YANBU! How appalling.
So glad someone kind stepped in and took the high road.

araiwa · 16/03/2017 09:33

unsteady on your feet and slurring words? i think that believing you to be drunk is a consideration

you got a seat so be focus on the nice man and not the other one

HumpMeBogart · 16/03/2017 09:33

People can be vile. I had three huge ovarian cysts for weeks while I waited for surgery - used to feel very sick and in a lot of pain. When I asked for a seat on the train, I got told to fuck off / that 'there's nothing wrong with you' / completely ignored.
Yay for kind man. Hope you're feeling much better now

badabeedabom · 16/03/2017 09:34

Of course you're not being unreasonable! How horrible! A couple of times I've been around people who were taken ill suddenly (and it has happened to me twice myself, on the street) and it can look exactly like being drunk or under the influence of drugs. The difference is, when I collapsed on the street two passers-by who stopped asked me nicely whether I'd taken something (I hadn't), they didn't shout at me that they wouldn't help me because I was on drugs at 8:30 in the morning!

You probably looked drunk but that doesn't immediately mean that you were drunk, it can mean that you're having a stroke, you're just feeling faint, you're in early pregnancy and feeling very ill, and any number of other serious and non-serious health issues. The first man was unnecessarily rude.

Derlei · 16/03/2017 09:40

araiwa - yes but so what even if she was drunk, if a drunk person asked me to give up my seat I would - no one knows the circumstances behind anybody or anything, and they obviously wouldn't ask if they weren't desperate to sit down. The man who refused OP is a complete twat

Graphista · 16/03/2017 09:40

My aunts had several Tia's and has slurred speech, another is diabetic and can appear woozy/drunk, both are teetotal but have regularly been accused of being drunk when they've taken unwell. They both now wear medi-bracelets they can show but they shouldn't have to do so as a response to being accused of being drunk!

I came across an old man once sat on a bench at a bus stop slumped and slurring (he was asking for help) everyone else was ignoring and saying 'he's just pissed' I approached him, no smell of alcohol but facial paralysis, he was having a stroke! I didn't have a mobile at the time (was years ago) and told those ignoring him for someone to call a bloody ambulance! Me and another lady sat with him till ambulance came. I hoped then and still do that those that had ignored/dismissed him felt bloody ashamed!! He made a good recovery I heard.

People shouldn't assume, op I'm sorry you were treated like this. It shouldn't be necessary but maybe a medi-bracelet would be a good idea?

Bonadrag1988 · 16/03/2017 09:43

Even if she was drunk at 8:30 in the morning would it be massively unreasonable to ask for a seat if she's feeling shit? Fail to see why someone being drunk (even at 8:30 in the morning!) means they shouldn't be allowed basic courtesy if they don't feel well.

Although of course the op wasn't drunk. It's like first aid 101 that so many illnesses can present with similar signs to being drunk (diabetes, epilepsy etc). People do really need to be aware of this, as being a judgey cunt doesn't help anyone, and can actually be life threatening if you can't see past your own nose to help someone.

Polarbearflavour · 16/03/2017 09:46

This is why people with please offer me a seat badges and the baby on board badges don't ask for a seat. Yet posters on here always say people who need it should just ask for a seat.

Bellerophon · 16/03/2017 09:53

Polarbearflavour - respectfully I disagree with you.

What do you expect someone to do in a situation where they need a seat. Collapse? Sway and lean until someone rushes up in sympathy?

People need to learn how to be gently assertive and negotiate with other people. Or else all you get is a society of passive aggressive fuckwits

yorkshirepuddingandroastbeef · 16/03/2017 09:55

Poor you! He was horrid.

It happened to my Dad when he fell over in town. He was struggling to get up and people walked past him. He said he thought it was because people thought he was drunk. He said he felt like a fool. Such a shame as he was a decent sort and very proud. Finally, a young guy helped him up. I'm always on alert now for people in need!

LurkingHusband · 16/03/2017 09:55

unsteady on your feet and slurring words? i think that believing you to be drunk is a consideration

Why people with Multiple Sclerosis get such a shit time when out and about.

applesandpears33 · 16/03/2017 09:56

People can be horrible and the man was rude. Many years ago when I was pregnant with DS1 I was struggling with morning sickness on the bus to work. Two men who were standing beside me started to discuss how terrible it was that young people turned up for work when they were blatantly very hungover while looking pointedly in my direction. I felt so embarrassed but didn't look visibly pregnant at the time so didn't want to say anything.

MrsDoylesladder · 16/03/2017 09:58

"Hidden conditions" put you in this situation. I have MS - I believe there is a T-shirt which says "I am not drunk, I have MS". Why should I have to wear that, though? Why should you, op, have to explain yourself to this idiot.

To be honest, even if you were pissed or high or hungover- the best place for you would've been a seat.
So sorry you had this shit, op.

IamFriedSpam · 16/03/2017 10:01

YANBU that man was a total dickhead. Honestly even if you were drunk at 8:30 I'd have given you a seat. This kind of situation proves why people should stop being so damn judgemental. In my experience most people find it difficult to ask for the help they need, it's very rare for people to ask for a seat if they don't need it. I'd always stand up no questions asked.

Polarbearflavour · 16/03/2017 10:02

Bellerophon - but when on politely asking you are met with stony silence, rolling eyes or rude comments it becomes harder and harder to ask.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 16/03/2017 10:05

I fell over once while out with my little boy and people just looked the other way and walked past me. My 7 year old was trying to pull me up. I was eventually picked up by a nice bloke who was out with his own SEN kid and I don't think it was a coincidence it was him who helped me.

MaidOfStars · 16/03/2017 10:06

Sounds terrible, the first guy was horrible.

And agree with others, even if I thought you were drunk, I'd have given you a seat.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 16/03/2017 10:12

What a shame.

A relative of mine has epilepsy and when he needs to sit down, he needs to sit down, or he will fall down and hit his head, he's also a very large chap. It's an urgent situation and not really up for discussion.

He has been known to sit on the pavement if anywhere else isn't available!

Luckily most people are nice and quite helpful, the man you encountered was an arse and probably doesn't understand about epilepsy or hidden disabilities. But even so, he should have just got up!

Sorry this happened to you.

Shematt · 16/03/2017 10:12

You could take to Fb, saying something like 'To the gent sitting at the front of the X58 at 8.30 this morning, (and try to describe him) who refused to give up his seat for me, telling me I was drunk'..........etc. and then tell of your condition (of course, presenting your story without complaint or swearing,) just as you've told us. Hope it would get back to the twat and make him feel terrible and realise what a complete arsehole he was. Hugs for you x

ShowMePotatoSalad · 16/03/2017 10:16

*unsteady on your feet and slurring words? i think that believing you to be drunk is a consideration

you got a seat so be focus on the nice man and not the other one*

Absolutely horrible comment.

Original poster

listsandbudgets · 16/03/2017 10:24

Sorry fell asleep for a bit.

Arawia's comment highlights exactly why I wondered if I was being unreasonable. I probably did / do look and sound drunk.

Thank you all for answering

OP posts:

Olympiathequeen · 16/03/2017 10:26

That was unbelievably nasty of him, but you did nothing wrong in asking as you did. At least the other man showed common decency.

Try to rest today, and good luck with the current meds continuing to improve your epilepsy.

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