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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel upset at this response to asking for a seat?

71 replies

listsandbudgets · 16/03/2017 09:28

Feeling a bit shaken.

I suffer from nocturnal epilepsy. Recently its been better controlled but last night I had a massive fit maybe around 3am but hard to say. DP away so somehow managed to get children to school.

On way back I had to wait ages for bus and it was very crowded. I was dizzy, aching and feeling confused like I was about to faint. My speech is also slurred (this is relevent).

I asked a man if he would mind letting me have his seat as I wasn't feeling well and he said "no I'm not letting you sit down just because you're drunk at 8.30 in the morning" then turned his back on me.

Then I just found myself crying

The lovely man behind him asked me what was wrong and I just said was unwell and felt faint and he immediately gave up his seat.

I probably am being unreasonable and should have explained to first man but I was so confused and dizzy I just made a mess of it :(

OP posts:

Bear2014 · 16/03/2017 10:28

I would also definitely let someone sit down who was drunk at 8:30am - partly for safety, also so I didn't get vomited on etc! You also never know, they might have just had the worst night of their life and be desperate.

Hope you're ok

Squills · 16/03/2017 10:30

Sadly, you probably looked as though you were drunk. How could the man have possibly have known that you weren't.

NavyandWhite · 16/03/2017 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 16/03/2017 10:35

He didn't have to be rude & judgemental-also I guess he doesn't have to give up his seat if he didn't want to, but could have declined politely?

Glad you managed to get a seat Op.

Why did you ask him in particular?

Areyoulocal · 16/03/2017 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

listsandbudgets · 16/03/2017 10:38

diddl he was the nearest person who was not carrying a small child on his lap or on crutches. I know he too could have had a hidden disability but as you say he could just have said "no sorry"

OP posts:

Graphista · 16/03/2017 10:40

Squills & araiwa

A he shouldn't have assumed there are many conditions that present this way

B even IF op were drunk, what gives him or you the right to judge?

C whether drunk or ill if somebody needs a seat and asks and the person seated is fit and well enough to stand they can bloody stand!

PollytheDolly · 16/03/2017 10:46

I wouldn't waste another second thinking about that rude turd. Hope you feel better soon xx

RhodaBorrocks · 16/03/2017 10:47

Poor you OP

There are so many conditions that can present in this way I would consider before thinking someone was drunk. And if someone is that visibly drunk they usually reek of booze anyway.

What a dick. Ignore the dickish comments on here too. Alcoholism is a crippling illness in itself that deserves compassion, not judgement, so even if you were drunk he shouldn't have been such a knob.

Hope you feel better soon.

tinytemper66 · 16/03/2017 11:06

My son has cerebral palsy and walks very unsteady and has a speech problem. Sadly many people have accused him of being drunk when in fact he rarely drinks.

pointstaken · 16/03/2017 11:06

Passengers seem so much worst on a bus than a train.

I think your mistake was to ask someone directly. I would just ask first if someone could give me a seat because I am not feeling well. The man was rude, but someone else might have needed the seat just as badly as you do. You can't guess people health or injuries just by looking at them.

Verbena37 · 16/03/2017 11:09

Araiwa
unsteady on your feet and slurring words
You obviously don't have a clue about the symptoms of epilepsy and have little compassion with such a curt comment!

OP, I'm so sorry this happened and hope you're now feeling a bit better.
My DS had nocturnal seizures although seizure free for over three yrs thankfully but I know how confused and slurring his speech was afterwards.
Society needs educating about hidden illnesses.
Could you find out if there is a badge or stickers you can get that might make more people aware if you've had a seizure?
I know you can get cards, which I'm sure you probably have. It's awful that you have to wear something in order for people to understand though.

FarAwayHills · 16/03/2017 11:11

For a story of this situation in reverse, my teen DD uses public transport to travel to school. I have always told her to offer her seat to others if it's really busy, in particular older people. The school also encourages this. So recently DD offered her seat to an elderly lady who proceeded to rant at her for saying she was old. My DD was so embarrassed and as a result is now more reluctant to do this. People moan about teenagers having no respect but what do they expect of this is what happens when they try to do the right thing.

People need to be more understanding of each other and show compassion rather than assuming the worst.

NotCitrus · 16/03/2017 11:12

How could the man have possibly have known that you weren't.[drunk]

Benefit of the doubt? Use of his brain?
Go on Squills, think of say three reasons why someone might have slurred speech or be wobbly, aside from drunkenness.

fatmummy87 · 16/03/2017 11:15

I'm sorry this happened to you op. I hope you're feeling better now.
The guy was a dick. Even if you were drunk the best place for you to be would be sitting down!
Please try to put it out of your mind, it must have felt awful to have been so horribly judged

carefreeeee · 16/03/2017 11:15

Normally if someone's drunk you can smell it very obviously

There are horrible people in the world sadly. Maybe the first man has had recent trouble with drunk people. Don't take it personally.

ToFillingOrNotToFilling · 16/03/2017 11:23

It says everything about him and not about you, op. Whatever his reason - whether he needed the chair himself for a hidden disability or not - there is a considerate and respectful way to say something, then then there's his way.

I'd have been mortified too. Theses things can stick to you all day, can't they? I always find a good distraction helps, and the next day it seems to have diluted much better.

User006point5 · 16/03/2017 11:25

The only unreasonable bit is dwelling on the nasty man. Life's too short. Don't do that!!! Concentrate on the nice man.

user1484578224 · 16/03/2017 11:25

but you didn't smell drunk and he was a plonker

Applebite · 16/03/2017 11:26

*unsteady on your feet and slurring words? i think that believing you to be drunk is a consideration

Why people with Multiple Sclerosis get such a shit time when out and about*

See also T1 diabetes. When my friend was newly diagnosed and struggling to control it, lots of people assumed he was drunk and he got some v hurtful comments.

StarUtopia · 16/03/2017 11:27

Hope you're feeling okay now.

I think it would be worth investing a tenner in a medical bracelet that you can wave at someone in future. My friend has a lovely one they do do some nice ones now.

NanooCov · 16/03/2017 11:35

Yanbu to be upset but please don't let it put you off asking for a seat should you need one in future - thankfully the man who refused and was rude are in the minority. Hope you're feeling better now

KitKat1985 · 16/03/2017 11:42

Sorry OP. My uncle had similar issues with his type 1 diabetes when his blood sugars were dangerously out-of-range. People are very quick to judge.

Miserylovescompany2 · 16/03/2017 11:45

What an awful thing to happen, you obviously managed to put yourself into auto pilot mode to get your dc to school. You were probably running on pure adrenaline then, so come the journey back you struggled greatly.

Can you make an emergency back up plan? If something like this happened again you'd be able to ask someone else to do the school run? The outcome of today could have been worse. Are the school aware of your condition? Could they be part of a back up plan?

Aeroflotgirl · 16/03/2017 11:49

Listsand massive hugs, that sitting down guy was a prick! ? There are so many of them about, well done to the man who gave up his seat. Just trying to be helpful, but would it be useful if you had a little money aside for getting a taxi in emergencies. Just incase, say about £10

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