To wonder if it's ever OK NOT to prioritise education?

[ChoccyBee]

For me, DC formal education is a massive priority, however a family I know have moved house from a very average property, average area, OK schools to a character property in a not so great area with utterly dire schools as it's always been their dream to live in a character property, (although they have said it is definitely not a 'forever home').

They were aware when they bought this character property that it was cheap because the Secondary catchment school was really really dire and there are no jobs in the area.

Of the kids living at home there is a Year 10 DD and a Year 12 DD, so obviously both are at a very critical stage. Parents have a decent standard of education (both have bachelors degree & one has Masters from RG uni) and good jobs (mother part time, father on a well above national average salary, so they're not poor but not loaded either) yet the parents feel that a degree is nice to have, but give their DD no encouragement at all! They've not saved any money towards a degree and just say they will wait and see how it pans out. I feel if they don't do a degree and move away they'll struggle to get jobs in the area!

The DCs could get a place in a different better undersubscribed school, but apparently it isn't possible as the school is an hour (I think) round trip for the parents to drive on the way to work and they say this would clash with being in work for 9am!! Both currently work in the same town with a 20min journey to work. Given there's no issue dropping the kids off at 8:30 and getting to work at 9 I took this to mean they couldn't be bothered to do the journey?

Now, I do understand that people have different ideas of what a DC education should be and that some parents prefer to HS or put a lot of time into extra curricular activities, or maybe take time off school to take DC travelling around the world or whatever and I have no issue with parents wanting to give their DC other opportunities instead of lots of formal education, however these parents do none of that at all!

They are quite concerned that youngest DD will do badly at GCSE because she is a bit lazy with some SEN, they hardly ever check homework is being done and I'm not convinced they'll help with a revision timetable when the time comes. If she does get poor results all I can think is that the parents shouldn't be too surprised?

Am I missing something here? As far as I can tell they just view having a nice house for a few years, being able to spend money instead of saving for Uni and not making the commute to work longer as more important than DC education, and to me that seems selfish. Or am I missing something and they're justifiably giving a better work life balance / home life?

So are you talking about yourself and how your parents didn't support you through your eduction but now you have kids you are doing it for them.

That is what happened to me, but I studied as a mature student. Got there in the end.

Op what you describe would be completely alien to me and I imagine as a family member standing on the sidelines this would be difficult to watch.

Interestingly I attended parents evening/GCSE revision advice last night. The message was very clear parental involvement/support is in their opinion (and mine) is vital for maximising exam success.

When ds was doing his GCSE I had other parents that we knew socially really having ago at me for supporting ds with ensuring he had completed home work(some Sen)and later with revision (timetables, marking, past papers, going through the exam papers and testing memory on revision cards) . I was told I was mollycoddling him etc, not ashamed to say I felt a passing degree of smugness when those same said parents were at panic stations with cramming and very disappointing results.

Despite the flash of smugness I felt truely sorry for the opportunities that were robbed from these children. Nice home and other factors such as better quality of life shouldn't IMO trump providing the best level of education for your children possible.

This not necessarily about going to uni, my ds is not considering this for example. But having matriculated his options are far wider in the future.

I think you should be ashamed that you feel so smug.

Watch out - as shit happens, even to smug, self satisfied parents, who believe they have done everything right.

OP there are so many factors to consider in educating children for the real world of work. I agree education is important but at some point the desire to achieve needs to come from the child and not from being pushed by parents. Degrees are enormously expensive and no longer guarantee a graduate type job or good salary as they did in the past. Even some of the top financial firms no longer pick top graduates as they realise that a piece of paper is no indication of the many skills required to succeed at work. Many of those mollycoddled and pushed every step of the way by parents totally flounder outside education.

Also unless you have a clear idea of what you actually want to do and wish to study a degree that will specifically lead to that career then uni for the sake of it should be considered carefully. There are so many graduates leaving with huge debt that are no better off than others who have no degree and just work their way up the ladder.

I think that the issue is this blind assumption that oh well they are in secondary school they can just get on with it now, they know what to do philosophy. This wouldn't have worked for my ds and I don't think it ds was unique in this. Yes it was time consuming but it paid dividends ds son is now in a residential mainstream college and has now developed good independent learning skills and how to access help as required.

As I say I never felt smug for the children involved, I felt and still do feel deeply sorry for them that succeeding academically was made so difficult. At one stage I used to print out extra for ds to give to a friend who wanted to do more.

But couldn't give a flying fuck about the parents who took the piss out of us for supporting our dc, however these were the same people who thought I was cruel for not letting dc jump from a garage roof onto a trampoline

In contrast to ds my dd excels with self directed study and is highly organised, but does like to discuss and feedback on her work regularly. Different learning styles require different approaches and support neither dc needs were/are wrong.

But as I said up post the school themselves recommend active support not just that you have clothed and fed them. The school were clear that those who have this level of support do better and I will happily go with that.

There are no certainties in life and academic work is only one part of what makes up a child's life but it is the one that gives clear better life chances in the world of work barring professional sports/musician and artist/craftsmen.

After going to a top grammar school, getting my degree from an RG university and working in schools, I am totally disillusioned about what education is turning into- an exam factory whose purpose is to create managers and bureaucrats.

I am trying desperately to give my DD as many outside school alternatives as possible so she can learn the skills they aren't allowed to teach in school anymore - self reliance, how to question things, how to think outside the box.

It galls me to say it, but no, I don't think it's the most important thing anymore. Education is not just about sitting in a classroom

I'm going to go against the grain here and say YANBU. True it's not up to you to make the choice as it's not your dc and maybe you are over-invested. However, I think many posters may be allowing their indignation at your nosiness to affect their view of your actual point. If a poster came on to ask "AIBU to move to a not very nice area with crap schools because I fancy buying a nice house?", I suspect most of MN would respond with a resounding and horrified "YABU!"