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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be slightly miffed by this teacher's comment?

55 replies

kittywaitsfornumber6 · 05/03/2007 13:20

ok. ds2 (7) is somewhat disinterested in working at school. Lots of boys are and I have chosen not to keep nagging him about it. I have discussed it with his teacher and she says he won't work unless forced to.
Anyway, I had a quick chat with her this morning as he wasn't feeling 100%.
ME: he wants you to know that's he's not feeling that good and will be very slow today
TEACHER: Like a usual day then ( or words to that effect)
ME. Even slower then, best to expect nothing.

Anyway, I've come away feeling miffed. Would any of you feel miffed?

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/03/2007 13:23

I wouldnt, if I knew already that my DS was that way.

TenaLady · 05/03/2007 13:23

Not miffed but would see it as an alarm to get to the bottom of his lethargy with respect to his work.

There is always a reason why a child isnt complying. It needs to be discussed with your child.

It could be that he is having difficulties with learning, it could be that its too easy and he finds it boring.

However, he just might not like his teacher and maybe a change is needed to get him rocking and rolling.

Only he knows why he is arsing about!

mytwopenceworth · 05/03/2007 13:23

i think i would. but after i'd had a moan and a little fantasy of kicking the teacher, i would rethink the way i was handling the situation and see if i could find a way to encourage and motivate him (not nagging).

Bananaknickers · 05/03/2007 13:23

perhaps she was joking with you. Your answer was good though. Bless him I have two boys the same.

Kelly1978 · 05/03/2007 13:23

I think I'd be miffed. I wouldn't be happy to let him plod along neither. Surely she should be doing more to get him to work rather than being so dismissive?
my eldest, 6 year old dd is terribly lazy (not saying that is your ds's problem!) and often doesn't want to work. Her teacher does all sorts to encourage her to take more interest in school work and pull her finger out.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/03/2007 13:25

Well, if the parent is giving the child a "get out" of working hard, why should the teacher waste her energy?

Twiglett · 05/03/2007 13:26

I think she was joking with you

after all its no surprise to you that he doesn't do much at school as you've already discussed it with her so you then saying he will be slow must just sound a little amusing

think you're being unreasonable being miffed, ye

Greensleeves · 05/03/2007 13:26

Hmm, I'm not sure. If you've made a decision not to "nag" him about his lack of motivation, then I don't think you can be miffed about the teacher being a bit blunt about the fact that he doesn't do much.

Melly · 05/03/2007 13:31

Think I would be a bit miffed too. Not really very professional of the teacher was it, however much she felt like saying it, it could have been put a bit more tactfully. Would agree, maybe have a think about how you could encourage ds, but even at the age of 7 it could just be a clash with his teacher. I remember at school being really different depending on who was teaching me, some teachers are just not as good as others in getting the children motivated. Some children just need to be pushed and some will work hard of their own accord, it's a personality thing but pretty hard and frustrating for you the parents.

Greensleeves · 05/03/2007 13:32

Perhaps the teacher feels miffed if she thinks you are not prepared to work with her on getting him more motivated to work. Not saying she's right, but it's possible.

Original poster
kittywaitsfornumber6 · 05/03/2007 13:49

I have only decided in the last week to stop being on his case, so the teacher woulodn't know any different. TBH it makes not one jot of a difference anyway. This is his third year in school and it has been the same story with each teacher.
He is bright, although I hate saying that, I'm not trying to blow his trumpet. I suspect he's bored. The trouble is that because he won't work, he doesn't show what he's capeable of and so gets work that is not challenging enough. And so it goes on. He's due to have a very upbeat and dynamic teacher next year in year three, so I'm hoping that will help.
His attitude at school is intrinsic to his personality as a whole. When he's interested in something he'll spend hours and hours locked away in his room. When he's not, well not alot can be done and it certainly has a very negactive effect on bboth me and him when I have to try and get him to work.
I trust all will come good in the end.
What I was miffed about was the unprofessional nature of her comment. She probably did mean it as a joke. But it was rude nevertheless I think.
Thanks for your replies btw

OP posts:
mytwopenceworth · 05/03/2007 13:54

have you tried doing things with him instead? (im sure you have at stating the obvious!) but standing over him telling him to do X is nagging, but sitting with him and embracing your role as his educator - it's not just the teachers job - and learning together in a fun way, might make all the difference.

warthog · 05/03/2007 13:54

i'd be miffed, but i can see teacher's point of view. she's probably frustrated.

ScummyMummy · 05/03/2007 13:56

She was probably joking but I too would be miffed. I wouldn't want my child to be labelled as 'slow', even for a joke.

ForeverBlowingBubbles · 05/03/2007 14:25

I think it was unprofessional for the teacher to voice this thought out loud, something she maybe should have kept to herself, however I agree that to have come out and said it she must be feeling a bit frustrated with him. Therefore, the professional thing to do would be to ask you in for perhaps a lengthier chat about what you can both do to encourage him.

Have you thought about the possiblities of eyesight problems, hearing problems, dyslexia, etc? Not wanting to worry you at all, but they are things that could be checked because for all you know he might think his vision is normal and it might not be (just for example).

FBB

Original poster
kittywaitsfornumber6 · 05/03/2007 14:34

FBB, he's had all those sorts of checks anyway as part of my loving duites as a parent . I also talked to the teacher at length. TBH I think he's just , well arsy.!!
When I was still teacher I would think of childen as him as a challenge.
e have had all sorts of chats at school about how to motivate him. They know that he is quite capeable of doing the work and he will work if he's 'sat on', both at home and at school and if adults put in an incredible amount of work, but as soon as oyu turn oyur back he stops. I don't want to carry on like this, it's not helpful for him and it's too much work for evryone else.

OP posts:
ForeverBlowingBubbles · 05/03/2007 14:46

Ah, I see. 'Twas just a thought.
I don't know really what else you can do. Maybe if you've only given it a week of laying off the 'nagging' then maybe try giving it a bit longer. He might feel he's being too pressured to do the work, and if left to his own devices he might just decide to do it, in time. It's a tricky one though.

ipanemagirl · 05/03/2007 14:58

I'd be irritated by that.
Teachers should be careful about being sarcastic. It's important that the school is not dismissive to a parent when they approach the school about anything, I know teachers are only human of course but sarcasm is not particularly exemplary behaviour in my book.

HuwEdwards · 05/03/2007 15:04

kitty, do you think that maybe the teacher regards your decision not to 'nag' him about it, as lack of support for her?

tbh, in your position, I would be giving my child a proverbial kick up the arse.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/03/2007 15:18

A year is quite a long time in a child's education. Do you think holding out to see what next year's teacher can do is adequate? Maybe not giving too much opportunity for things to take a nose-dive before then?

sunnysideup · 05/03/2007 15:19

Yes, the teacher dealt with that badly as a negative remark about a child is NEVER good, in front of them, anyway!

But I do think she probably felt that if the child is in school they are not that unwell....if a parent warns them that their child might not work hard that day, it's quite undermining for the teacher?

earlgrey · 05/03/2007 15:25

How did she say it? Was it tongue-in-cheek, looking at your child with a wink, or was it said in seriousness to you. If it were the latter, I think I'd have gone into orbit ....

Troutpout · 05/03/2007 15:35

i'd be miffed.ds's teacher did the same when he was in year 1...which peed me off and then i heard her doing the same in the classroom to him and a few other boys. I was like this
Sort of taking the piss in a sarcastic way ...trying to get the other kids on board and to use peer pressure.
'Oh children ...look who's holding us up and letting us all down again...it's mr slow coach'
bullying....pure and simple...don't care whose mouth it comes out of.

Troutpout · 05/03/2007 15:36

sorry kitty...turned into a rant there
opened up an old wound

Original poster
kittywaitsfornumber6 · 05/03/2007 18:20

Huwedwards- his teacher would never be aware that I have decided to 'back off'. I would always been seen to be supporting her. It will make little difference to his work if I stop nagging, but he will probably be a happier child.

Over the last three years we have tried every method you could think of. I asked him today why he's not working and he said it was too easy and it was boring.

This specific teacher does have tendency to rub people up the wrong way, I've had dealings with her a couple of years back and I know many parents really dislike her. Technically she's a good teacher and she tries her best, but she has some strange ways!!

Troutput, yes she is a bully, there is no doubt about that.

Earlgrey- it was said to me in a semi jokey fashion

VVV- what to do though?

OP posts: