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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend asking for money

81 replies

fuckoffdailysnail · 15/03/2017 07:32

This could be identifying so changed a couple of details but the main facts remain the same. I have a good friend, we have known eachother since primary school so about 22 years now! We have have 2 children at the same ages. She is always short on money, her and her partner are in low paid jobs so when she asks I always help her out with the odd £10 for bread and milk etc and it's never been a problem.
Yesterday she rang me in tears asking me to lend her £20 for some bread, milk, yoghurts etc for her DC and she would pay me back next week. I explained I was at work but could transfer the money when I get home as I didn't have my card reader thing with me, or she could ask someone else and I could then send the money to them and she could pay it back to me iyswim?
Friend didn't like this said I'm being tight and letting her kids starve and slammed the phone down. About an hour later a mutual friend emailed me to say she had also been asked to lend money but refused because friend had been on a night out over the weekend and spent £150! I didn't know about the night out or how she could have spent that much!
So who is being unreasonable? I had no way of transferring her any money until I got home but would have sent the money to someone else if they'd given her it. I'm now unsure about lending her money if she is spending excessive amounts on nights out but has nothing for her DCs lunches.
We've been friends so long and she's always paid me back promptly so not sure what to think
Sorry this is long

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 15/03/2017 09:19

Friend didn't like this said I'm being tight and letting her kids starve and slammed the phone down

she is not your friend, she is a user. I would distance yourself TBH

what a dick, shame to lose and old friend but....

Miserylovescompany2 · 15/03/2017 09:20

By the sound of things she isn't prioritising the essentials like food. If she is also borrowing from others then she'll always be playing catch up. It becomes a vicious cycle.

It's not your responsibility to feed other people's children. Given her OTT response, my gut feeling would be the money isn't going on food.

Offer to support her in getting her finances in order. I'd imagine this offer would be rejected though.

I wouldn't lend her anymore money.

WatchHowISoar · 15/03/2017 09:24

Why would you think Yabu? I think you need to ask yourself that rather than anything about helping this woman. It sounds like she knows she can play you and so does your mutual friend.

She doesn't sound like a friend,,she sounds like s brat.

KitKat1985 · 15/03/2017 09:27

Don't lend her money anymore. I suspect she's been using you and once the money dries up she won't make much effort to see you anymore.

PlumsGalore · 15/03/2017 09:27

Her reaction to me made me think the money was for something else addiction relate rather than food for the kids.

Perhaps they had no cigarettes and were dying for a fag, perhaps they had a tip and needed to put a bet on a horse. I don't know, £20 is a lot for a loaf, a pint and some yoghurt.

Thinkingblonde · 15/03/2017 09:34

An ex friend did the same to me, she'd borrow a tenner, pay it back the following week, then ask to borrow it back a few days later.
The tenner became a twenty note but it took her longer to pay it back.
Until I didn't get it back at all, she asked again so I reminded her that if I did lend her the money she'd owe me £40.00 as she hadn't paid me back the last time.
She blustered and told me she couldn't afford to pay me back that much.
I told her I couldn't afford to lend it to her if she wasn't prepared to pay me back.
I didn't see much of her after that.
Don't be a mug op.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 15/03/2017 09:34

Stop lending her money, this will not end well, as she has now become entitled.
The fact that she is using emotional blackmail proves this.

Pacha11 · 15/03/2017 09:37

Need you ask?!

You will be unreasonable if you ever lend her money again!

Bantanddec · 15/03/2017 09:44

Yanbu! But if you remain friends with this women you're a fucking idiot!

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 15/03/2017 09:51

Yesterday she rang me in tears asking me to lend her £20 for some bread, milk, yoghurts etc for her DC

So she always uses this emotional manipulation when she wants money from you?
You take her word for it but it seems you don't know her as well as you think you do.
She hid her night out from you - how many other times has she been selective with the truth?

with a best/good friend you can easily say 'damn, i overspent on the weekend, could you lend me some £?'

but she doesn't have that kind of respect for you.
people change over time, and i think that could be the case here - only you haven't noticed until now

Sonders · 15/03/2017 10:02

If this is a really good friend, I'd probably not cut her off without a conversation. I'd probably call her up and ask her if she's ok, because it's really unlike her to explode on you like that. Maybe then you can also get in that other people have mentioned she's been drinking a lot recently so maybe she's got herself in some trouble.

If she says she's not in trouble and nothing caused her outburst, then you have no reason to lend her money again.

Original poster
fuckoffdailysnail · 15/03/2017 11:32

Hi all thanks for responses sorry for delayed replies!
Spoke to friend this morning and explained I was hurt by her accusations I was starving her children and also mentioned the night out.
I've told her there will be no more loans of money from me and that I don't want her to ask me for money again.
DH is now of the opinion she won't be in touch at all if I don't give her money

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 15/03/2017 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellsbellsmelons · 15/03/2017 11:38

Well done OP.
I've have told her the same after that reaction.
I have a feeling your DH is right.
You probably won't hear from her again now.

Original poster
fuckoffdailysnail · 15/03/2017 11:38

She was apologetic and said she's under a lot of stress. I also think DH is right which will be horrible and hard to swallow after such a long friendship

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 15/03/2017 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DarrylsLilAssKicker · 15/03/2017 11:43

Well done OP. I would suspect drugs too, sadly. I know someone like this, always asking for £10 here and there for food or petrol. She's addicted to drugs but tries to hide it.

The trick is to buy some essentials for them rather than hand over any money.

dowhatnow · 15/03/2017 12:18

Ah well she apologised and now the ball is in her court to prove she's a real friend. It's horrible to find out people aren't who we though they are though Thanks

CycleHire · 15/03/2017 12:27

You've done the right thing. If she's no longer your friend when you won't constantly lend her money then she was never really your friend sadly.

If £150 on a night out is true I agree with others above that that's a lot. We are comfortable but it would be a very rare night out when I spent that much (can't remember when).

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 15/03/2017 13:01

You've done the right thing OP, not just for you, but for her as well.
She may have to pull her socks up now, and consider her future.
There again, she may borrow from one or two people.
Stick to your guns, well done.

StarUtopia · 15/03/2017 13:04

She's not skint if she has £150 to spend on a night out.

(I am skint and haven't been out anywhere in 4 years. Not even for one meal. I've also never asked friends to help me out)

Sounds like a cow. I would stop lending to her. She's taking you for granted.

ambereeree · 15/03/2017 13:26

Strongly suspect drug use here. People hide it very well.

googledout · 15/03/2017 13:30

Tell the cheeky bitch to fuck off!

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/03/2017 13:59

"Friend didn't like this said I'm being tight and letting her kids starve and slammed the phone down."
But you were at work - what were you supposed to do, bunk off and run straight round to hers? Very strange reaction.

dustarr73 · 15/03/2017 14:01

It's all excuses,she's sorry cause she doesn't want the gravy train too stop.£150 is a lot for a few drinks but not if she's stuffing her nose as well.

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