Husband has arranged a night out with the lads for his birthday and I'm not invited

[Perplexed5]

Exactly that. A.I.B.U to be pissed off /hurt about this? He says I would be the only female there, so wouldn't enjoy it. So essentially I am not welcome as it would change the dynamic (lads boozy night out).

As background, he usually goes out one night a week with his mates. They all work in London and are looking to meet after work on a Thursday ( his birthday). He says his birthday is a good excuse to get the guys together, as it's been difficult to get them all together on the same date these days.
He arranged this with his friends without even asking me/ speaking to me about it. His excuse is that birthdays are no big deal and we can go out on Friday or Saturday instead.
So what do the mumsnet jury think? A.I.B.U to think he should have discussed this with me first?

He is now saying he will try move the Thursday boozing to another day, if I am pissed off about it. But he has admitted his first choice is to go out with his friends (without me). But I hardly want to be the consolation prize. It's sort of tainted now.
No children. Husband is turning 37. Together 7 years, married for 2.5yrs.
Your thoughts?

I think you are over reacting to be honest it's his birthday not yours so he should do what he wants. Also it's a Thursday would you not rather go away for the night on the Friday or even for the weekend.

YANBU
He slounds like a bore
Ditch him before you have children

I am so glad my dp is 51 and has no 'lads'
I find grown men that drink until they throw up childish in the extreme

Well if birthdays are no big deal whys he making a song and dance of it by having a night out with his mates?
Sounds like some shit excuse to me and I'd be irritated, what if you'd planned a surprise he sounds like a selfish fuck.

Well if birthdays are no big deal whys he making a song and dance of it by having a night out with his mates?

This with bells on.

Sounds like a selfish cunt TBH. I wouldn't put up with a man prioritising his mates and getting wasted over his relationship with me. I've had a few of those but not long lasting. No woman should play second fiddle to booze and exclusively male comraderie!

Its a lads night out, why not arrange a meal or a night out just the both of you. Its my 40th soon, and I have arranged a girls night out.

YABU IMO too.
I'd want to go for a meal or something, but it never has to be a specific day - we just arrange to go out on a night that's convenient. I wouldn't have a problem with him going out with the lads and I wouldn't want to go with the lads. Nor would I invite my dh if I were going out with the girls - not that he would want to come.

Oh god, if my husband said I had to "ask " him if I could go out with my mates on my birthday and actually wanted to come with us, (as you allude to wishing for both in your op, although you try to soften it later) I'd be thoroughly creeped out and I'm sure people would be shouting on here about his controlling behaviour.

So yes you're being thoroughly unreasonable, especially as you hadn't actually even organised anything.

I seem to disagree with Bluntness on everything! Funny.

bluntless to be clear, my DH never asks me if he can go out. He lets me know he will be out (e.g he is out tonight) and that is fine. And vice versa. The only times I may historically have had an issue with him going out was if (for example) it was the 3rd big night out with his mates in a week. And that is purely because of a protracted history of drinking issues that I won't go into here.
I have never asked him If I can go out with him & his mates.i have no wish to tag along on a lads night out. That would be weird. When he mentioned his birthday drinks last night, he initially told me I was invited and thus I assumed some of his mates were brining partners, and said I would go. Subsequently was told it was boys only.

Having started the thread at @ 1:30am admittedly I didn't explain myself very well. My feelings on the matter were articulated far better and more succinctly earlier by purplepicnic.

Not unreasonable to go out with his mates.

Not unreasonable to not want you to come.

Unreasonable to arrange himself a night out that you are excluded from on a significant date with no reference to your thoughts or wishes.

Appreciate many others don't share my view. I posted on A.I.B.U rather than relationships knowing I would get more brutal (or blunt ) opinions, which is fine. It has been enlightening to find out that many others in long term relationships wouldn't find this action lacking in simple courtesy between partners. But there you go.