Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My annoyingly work colleague just stood up for me and saved my job.

158 replies

Shrekk · 13/03/2017 15:40

I've had a really stressful month at work. We've had an inspection going on all week as well as me having a number of emergencies to attend to.

There is one woman at work I just can't take too. She talks all the time, gossips, says the wrong thing all the time. We just don't get on and have nothing in common. I've overheard her say bitchu things about me. I don't like her. We just don't speak to each other now except for the odd pleasantries as I'm sure she finds me as irritating as I find her. Over the years it's become more than Indifference. It's more dislike.

In our job we have to keep all our papers in locked draws in our desk and mark names off some reports before they're filed. We also have to keep a log of all our phone calls and complete a specific report at the end of each day.

I had done none of these things as I'd just dealt with an emergency situation and I was in a state of complete stress. We were being investigated and the investigator was coming in an hour. As I rushed back to save my bacon basically I was called to another emergency.

At this point I knew I'd be in big trouble. Confidential information was lying on my desk. Names not blacked out with pen, notes not upto date, report not done. I was so stressed.

I actually felt sick when I returned to my desk. Only to find my irritating work colleague closing the draw just as the inspector came in. The papers had been anonymised, everything locked away, phone log upto date, report completed. It would have been two hours work.

I am always very professional and have never ever not done my job to a high standard before but this was an extraordinary week with much more than normal on and my stress levels were through the roof.

We work independently so if I'd been found to be inadequate that would have in no way reflected on my work colleague. She did this for me.

The inspectors found nothing of concern and left. She's not been back from annual leave since Thursday since this happened.
AIBU to think this was really lovely? Do I now try and get on better with her.

Or was this pretty standard thing to do, and I just go back to ignoring her/not really liking her?

OP posts:
melj1213 · 14/03/2017 21:38

Buy her a plant for her desk, and get a nice thank you card and then just try being nice to each other from now on.

She saved your arse from serious professional shit, the least you can do is acknowledge that and try being cordial to her.

Mustang27 · 14/03/2017 21:54

Don't be a daft. This was a genuinely kind act maybe you have misjudged her.

OneDayIWillBeOrganised · 14/03/2017 21:58

Just out of interest OP would you have done the same for her?

Chinnygirl · 14/03/2017 22:09

You don't have to like someone to be understanding. She was lovely and I hope she will like her gift.

dingdongthewitchisdead1 · 14/03/2017 22:41

Wow that was so kind of her. Colleagues who do things like that are incredibly rare and when you come across one, treat them like gold dust! Get her a wee bottle of wine. You never know, you might become friends now!

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 14/03/2017 22:46

I can't imagine why anyone would think this was 'standard' She massively and totally unexpectedly had your back there OP.

BlondeBecky1983 · 14/03/2017 22:53

You have been offered a fresh start in the nicest possible way. Time to try and get along, she's a decent person.

Life is too short.

blueshoes · 14/03/2017 23:55

Your colleague behaved professionally despite your personal differences. That is how it is at work. I think you need to take a leaf out of her book. You are letting your personal dislike cloud your professional judgment which says more about you than her.

Batteriesallgone · 15/03/2017 06:47

What did you do OP? Did you get her a thank you?

dangerrabbit · 15/03/2017 09:01

I would give her a thank you card with a brief non gushing message inside and a box of chocolates large enough to share with the team. I wouldn't do anything fake like inviting her out to lunch as it's not as if you want to be BFFs in the future but hopefully the dynamic will have shifted in the office and you can be polite and civil. Maybe reflect on your own behaviour and be curious why you think acknowledging her kind gesture would be "sucking up" or why your first response was to throw it back in her face.

Morphene · 15/03/2017 09:47

I think there is just a world of difference between not liking or getting on with someone and being a bad person.

Its okay to not get on brilliantly with everyone, but you should expect that you personal dislike means they actually have less value.

I can't think of anyone n my place of work that I won't bail out if it came down to it, and there are several I don't like or would rather not have to work with.

A key question is: Would you have done the same for her?

I bet actually you would.

Morphene · 15/03/2017 09:48

shouldn't

justilou · 15/03/2017 10:02

Even if I realized that she and I would never be besties, I would be finding out when she is returning from work and put a case of flowers on her desk. Perhaps even suggest an after-work drink and see if you can find what you have in common instead of the differences.

nelipotter · 15/03/2017 10:59

Maybe she has had the same emergency as you before - you never said what it was but I know there is a girl at uni I don't particularly get on with, but when she had a death in the family I really knew how to talk to her and support her as I have lost a lot of people the last few years. She said it really helped because a lot of her friends were unable to really relate as they were all quite young.

Maybe she resonated with your experience and can remember what it was like.

You should def be nice and say thanks. A heartfelt thanks can be at least as good as a bottle of wine.

HebeBadb · 15/03/2017 12:13

Anybody saying give her flowers or a card is mad. It'll be on her desk, people will ask what it's all about. She'll have to tell them. They'll all have an opinion on it.

OP, have a bit of sense and just say Thank you as sincerely as you can, which shouldn't be hard as your thanks are genuine. Maybe two little chocolates in a box, like Leonidas or something. But no bunch of flowers, no card. OMG. what planet are people on

fatmummy87 · 15/03/2017 12:15

hebe if I was the woman and someone asked me who the flowers were from I'd just answer 'oh I did op a favour, aren't they lovely' - surely that's the way anyone would answer Confused

HebeBadb · 15/03/2017 12:33

Nobody can ever predict the response to the statement ''oh I did OP a favour, arent' they lovely'' but I think the response could well be ''oh really what favour?''. Even if nobody in the whole office actually comes right out and asks, there might still be speculation, and giving her flowers in an open plan office is ludicrously dramatic and mysterious.

Offer sincere thanks. Approach the working relationship with a fresh mindset. and see the woman through a new lens.

phoenixtherabbit · 15/03/2017 12:37

Aw that's lovely. I'd be thanking her or buying her cakes or flowers or something!

I have a work colleague and we aren't exactly friends but I think in a situation like this we would both do this to save the others arse.

Be nice to her, say thank you. Should she ever need your help, be there to give it.

fatmummy87 · 15/03/2017 12:48

hebe no one I know is that nosey or interested in why someone might have flowers on their desk. You must work with some strange people.

Chickoletta · 15/03/2017 15:17

You owe her a big thank you and a more professional relationship in future.

YABU for writing 'draw' instead of 'drawer'.

BoboChic · 15/03/2017 15:44

If someone had done this for me I would send very nice flowers to their home address.

HebeBadb · 15/03/2017 16:21

fatmummy87, you cannot predict how others will react or what they will say. Putting flowers on somebody's desk will provoke at least a few enquiries which normally wouldn't matter, but in this instance, it would be safer to avoid them. Why draw attention to an incident that was awkward? Why draw neutral or unaware colleagues' attention to the fact that there was a difficult working relationship in the first place. It's just not necessary. I know it's easy to type 'buy her flowers!' but in real life, seriously, think things through first.

picklemepopcorn · 15/03/2017 16:26

Sometimes things just need to be done. It's like picking up someone's shopping if their bag breaks, or helping someone up the stairs with a pram. If one person spills a drink, and an onlooker mops it up so no one is hurt.
The world works better when we all do a little extra.

fatmummy87 · 15/03/2017 17:02

fatmummy87, you cannot predict how others will react or what they will say.

You're doing exactly that...

I am a real person in real life and I would buy someone flowers and say a sincere thank you to someone in real life that did this for me.

HebeBadb · 15/03/2017 17:09

No, I'm not. You're being obtuse so I'm not confident you grasp this distinction, but here goes, there is a huge difference between avoiding an action which is likely to have a reaction - and predicting what others' reactions will be. Just avoid the action. If you understand that well and good, I'm happy to have helped.

Wine
Swipe left for the next trending thread