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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My annoyingly work colleague just stood up for me and saved my job.

158 replies

Shrekk · 13/03/2017 15:40

I've had a really stressful month at work. We've had an inspection going on all week as well as me having a number of emergencies to attend to.

There is one woman at work I just can't take too. She talks all the time, gossips, says the wrong thing all the time. We just don't get on and have nothing in common. I've overheard her say bitchu things about me. I don't like her. We just don't speak to each other now except for the odd pleasantries as I'm sure she finds me as irritating as I find her. Over the years it's become more than Indifference. It's more dislike.

In our job we have to keep all our papers in locked draws in our desk and mark names off some reports before they're filed. We also have to keep a log of all our phone calls and complete a specific report at the end of each day.

I had done none of these things as I'd just dealt with an emergency situation and I was in a state of complete stress. We were being investigated and the investigator was coming in an hour. As I rushed back to save my bacon basically I was called to another emergency.

At this point I knew I'd be in big trouble. Confidential information was lying on my desk. Names not blacked out with pen, notes not upto date, report not done. I was so stressed.

I actually felt sick when I returned to my desk. Only to find my irritating work colleague closing the draw just as the inspector came in. The papers had been anonymised, everything locked away, phone log upto date, report completed. It would have been two hours work.

I am always very professional and have never ever not done my job to a high standard before but this was an extraordinary week with much more than normal on and my stress levels were through the roof.

We work independently so if I'd been found to be inadequate that would have in no way reflected on my work colleague. She did this for me.

The inspectors found nothing of concern and left. She's not been back from annual leave since Thursday since this happened.
AIBU to think this was really lovely? Do I now try and get on better with her.

Or was this pretty standard thing to do, and I just go back to ignoring her/not really liking her?

OP posts:
MrsEricBana · 14/03/2017 18:02

She sounds really professional and a good person and without doubt warrants thanks of wine or chocs and a card. Maybe flowers too showy. Be nicer to her from now on.

hellokittymania · 14/03/2017 18:05

What a lovely lovely thing to do. It's never too late to fix what's wrong, so go on what are you waiting for ? :)

Sparklyglitter · 14/03/2017 18:14

Get a lovely gift leave it on her desk with a card saying thank-you very much and see what happens Smile

Grilledaubergines · 14/03/2017 18:26

Get her flowers. For god's sake don't take her for lunch or coffee. This doesn't need to be the start of a beautiful friendship. Neither of you will want to be there. Flowers say 'thank you' and you can just leave it there.

HappyFlappy · 14/03/2017 18:43

Maybe she doesn't particularly like you, but she must respect you in a professional capacity, and perhaps thought "There but for the grace of God . . ."

She did a kind thing. You are right to get her flowers and make an extra effort - not to "suck up", but to be kind, as she was to you.

You are lucky to have her as a colleague.

Grumpyolgal · 14/03/2017 18:49

It was a lovely and very kind gesture on her part. Perhaps she doesn't see you the way you think she does. Sounds like she is aware of some of the stresses you are under and rather than offer her help (which it sounds as if you might have rejected due to your feelings towards her) she just got on and did it. Agree, finding a way of thanking her would be a good way to go. Maybe someone else in the office could let you know the sort of things she likes and you could base your thank you gift on that.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/03/2017 18:53

No, you have to thank her for saving your bacon, its the nice thing to do. Mabey give her a voucher for a shop she likes.

mummyhappiness · 14/03/2017 19:00

Absolutely you need to acknowledge her helping you out. Flowers and a card??
No need to forge "besties friendship" but you could make an effort get along a little better.
Sounds like she isn't that bad
Good luck Smile

Jaxhog · 14/03/2017 19:03

She is clearly a good person. You need to be nice back, and send flowers to her at home when she gets back from hols. And be nicer to her in the office.

Tess123 · 14/03/2017 19:04

Flowers, wine or chocolates. With a thank you card, saying what a really kind and thoughtful thing she did, and how much you appreciated it.

Not only did she do it for you, but she left her own work sitting there undone to sort yours!

The very few, out of the hundreds of people I've worked with over the years, that I've actually disliked (nasty pieces of work!) I would have happily thrown under a bus. She obviously doesn't dislike you, but knows you're not keen on her, so keeps her distance. Whatever you do about this, in future she deserves your kindness and consideration, even if this isn't the big turning point in your relationship.

Whatsername17 · 14/03/2017 19:04

I'd do it for someone who didn't like me. Id feel like shit if they'd had a stressful day and I could have helped but didn't and they got in loads of trouble. Not everyone will like me. We are all human.and everyone deserves a bit of kindness now and then.

fatmummy87 · 14/03/2017 19:08

I know I've already said it but I really think it's important to thank her in person face to face - I might be wrong but I think that would be more appreciated than it written in a card.

Olympiathequeen · 14/03/2017 19:09

She clearly doesn't not like you. If she did she would have enjoyed seeing you in the shit.

Definitely a small thank you give is called for. Maybe if future you can be more forgiving of her irritating ways.

ChippieBeanAndHorro · 14/03/2017 19:25

Or was this pretty standard thing to do, and I just go back to ignoring her/not really liking her?

She did you a massive favour. Just out of the goodness for her heart or something.

Yes, you have to be nice to her from now on and can't go back to ignoring her. That would be really rude.

RubyWinterstorm · 14/03/2017 19:29

I agree that a face to face, straightforward "thank you, thst really helped me out" is the best approach

No need for cards/chocs etc. I think an honest thank-you, face to face, is best.

Grilledaubergines · 14/03/2017 19:37

OP you need to get her flowers, chocolates, wine, theatre tickets, a spa day, a gift card and an expensive candle.

Or a nice bunch of spring flowers will do just as good.

TheOnlyColditz · 14/03/2017 19:38

Now, this is exactly the situation that calls for a massive, and I do mean MASSIVE, tin of Marks and Spencer shortbread biscuits

Blarblarblar · 14/03/2017 19:47

Can you go back to ignoring her?!?!
Honestly you sound like the one with issues not her.
Who would ask that. What sort of a person would throw a kind act right back in someone's face and actually turn it around so she's "sucking" up. Does she need too? Are you a bit special? This has really made me angry for some inexplicable reason.

Superwomaninmysparetime · 14/03/2017 19:54

She didn't have to cover for you- if you were going to be in big trouble- as is losing your job you mentioned, I really don't think "sucking up" came into it.. just think what would have happened if she didn't intervene and give 2 of her hours to your work.. it was more like a very professional and good team player.. She had your back despite your personal differences... she evidently didn't want to see you losing your job - I would buy her some flowers and thank her in person. You may not be best buddies but maybe this is a way forward to a better work relationship?

MimiSunshine · 14/03/2017 19:56

I wouldn't go over the top. I'd just get some daffodils in a little vase and put them out n her desk with a thank you card that says 'i really appreciated your help'

Then when you see her, make her a cup of tea and take it over with a verbal thank you too.
Maybe it's just been crossed wires before now and actually she doesn't dislike you she you've got the wrong impression of her.

Or she doesn't much care for you but could see that circumstances were aligning to get you in trouble and just couldn't not step in even though she didn't need to

Koolchique · 14/03/2017 20:06

I think after this event, you'd find that whatever misconceptions you had will fizzle and you'd find it easier to get on with her. Make the effort for both of you.

Tapandgo · 14/03/2017 20:47

Face to face thank you is far more important than a card - though some nice chocs would be a good finishing touch. She sounds very professional to me

haveacupoftea · 14/03/2017 20:52

Professionals in a team should have each others back. You protect each other and make sure each other's arse is covered just because its the decent thing to do.

haveacupoftea · 14/03/2017 20:54

And NO you don't go back to ignoring her. Take a lead out of her book and try to be kind, and professional.

buckeejit · 14/03/2017 21:07

Jakers, this is a sad reflection of our society. Kindness costs nothing & is priceless. Please try extending some in future. Maybe she's just a normal person & did a nice thing. I've said slightly bitchy things when I'm pissed off with people, doesn't make me a bad person - it's not black & white. Glad you got off the hook op