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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My annoyingly work colleague just stood up for me and saved my job.

158 replies

Shrekk · 13/03/2017 15:40

I've had a really stressful month at work. We've had an inspection going on all week as well as me having a number of emergencies to attend to.

There is one woman at work I just can't take too. She talks all the time, gossips, says the wrong thing all the time. We just don't get on and have nothing in common. I've overheard her say bitchu things about me. I don't like her. We just don't speak to each other now except for the odd pleasantries as I'm sure she finds me as irritating as I find her. Over the years it's become more than Indifference. It's more dislike.

In our job we have to keep all our papers in locked draws in our desk and mark names off some reports before they're filed. We also have to keep a log of all our phone calls and complete a specific report at the end of each day.

I had done none of these things as I'd just dealt with an emergency situation and I was in a state of complete stress. We were being investigated and the investigator was coming in an hour. As I rushed back to save my bacon basically I was called to another emergency.

At this point I knew I'd be in big trouble. Confidential information was lying on my desk. Names not blacked out with pen, notes not upto date, report not done. I was so stressed.

I actually felt sick when I returned to my desk. Only to find my irritating work colleague closing the draw just as the inspector came in. The papers had been anonymised, everything locked away, phone log upto date, report completed. It would have been two hours work.

I am always very professional and have never ever not done my job to a high standard before but this was an extraordinary week with much more than normal on and my stress levels were through the roof.

We work independently so if I'd been found to be inadequate that would have in no way reflected on my work colleague. She did this for me.

The inspectors found nothing of concern and left. She's not been back from annual leave since Thursday since this happened.
AIBU to think this was really lovely? Do I now try and get on better with her.

Or was this pretty standard thing to do, and I just go back to ignoring her/not really liking her?

OP posts:
HadrianHadALongWall23 · 13/03/2017 16:38

Sounds to me like she went above and beyond the call of duty...2 hours work.

Possibly, you've imagined the dislike between you, or its mainly on your side. Even good colleagues at work, would barely do half of the things you think she has done for you...

Or perhaps, you need to grow up a little bit, and be a nicer person really..and be more pleasant to colleagues....just a thought (and really not rudely meant) Women need to be nicer to women in the workplace...

WeAllHaveWings · 13/03/2017 16:42

I think she has been very professional. Doesn't mean she likes or dislikes you, maybe you are just different sorts, but it shows she respects you.

As you are so astonished by her actions the question you need to ask yourself (honestly, and you don't need to tell us) is would you have done the same for her? You don't need to like her going forward, but learn from what she did for you today.

flumpybear · 13/03/2017 16:48

Wow you're lucky she's a nice person inside!! Yes, do the right thing and get her something - tell her you owe her a favour too!! What she did was over and above IMO

carefreeeee · 13/03/2017 16:50

How did she know what she was supposed to do with your stuff if you are self employed and have no idea what each other are working on?

Why didn't you just bung all the confidential papers in a locked drawer if you were doing something else? It seems very unprofessional to leave them on a desk.

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes · 13/03/2017 16:53

When someone does something nice for you the decent thing to do is to say Thank You. Even if you suspect she has ulterior motives (which I don't think she does) she has proven that she is capable of putting petty differences aside and stepping up when it counts. Maybe this is her olive branch? I wouldn't get her flowers but I would leave a nice coffee and cake/doughnut/cookie on her desk with a little note of thanks.

morningconstitutional2017 · 13/03/2017 16:58

It was a lovely thing for her to do but isn't it irritating when someone you dislike steps in to save you? Makes you hate her for being such a 'goody-two-shoes'. However we must be grown up about this. Continue being pleasant to her, maybe there's more common ground between than you thought. Also ensure that the situation does not happen again.

Vegansnake · 13/03/2017 16:59

Wow,what a kind lady..flowers at least are well deserved if not chocolate too x

TheFirstMrsDV · 13/03/2017 17:00

Maybe take two things away from this incident:
People are complex. You shouldn't write someone off as a horrible person just because they have annoying traits.
We can build up a dislike of someone in order to justify our initial impression. Something like confirmation bias? We see everything they do as stupid, bitchy etc even if they are making common mistakes and letting off steam about someone who has been horrible to them.

She might be a gossip who gets things wrong but she saved your job and possibly your career.

joystir59 · 13/03/2017 17:04

time to bury the hatchet and be nice to her, and see a different side to her perhaps. Sometimes when we can't stand someone its because they are mirroring things back to us relating to ourselves that are painful to see.

shovetheholly · 13/03/2017 17:05

It's an AMAZING thing to have done. And yes, it would change my view of someone I disliked. I think there's more shame in not letting good actions change your view than there is in being a bit wrong about someone.

FireCrotch · 13/03/2017 17:14

I agree with Sharon's approach. I wouldn't give flowers either. I think op is embarrassed as someone she actively disliked and had no time for put themselves out by doing something vitally important and behaving in a way she wouldn't dream of herself. She's been asked several times if she'd have done what her workmate did for her if the tables were turned and to me her silence speaks volumes. Really the op is asking if she can disregard the kindness shown to her and continue the pettiness? Well of course you can but don't ever expect her to bail you out again. Grow up. Say thanks. Be kind.

BeMorePanda · 13/03/2017 17:23

I don't know why you would bother to do something so nice to someone whose not exactly been nice to you.
WOW imagine what kind of world we would have if no one did anything nice or kind unless something nice or kind was done to them first?

Your job sounds super weird OP.

I would be buying my colleague a lovely bunch of flowers in your situation (and I don't say that lightly - I'm now one of these MN'ers who think you should give thank you gifts at every opportunity :)). Show you appreciation. You don't have to be best buddies, but take the opportunity to at least bury the hatchet.

Enko · 13/03/2017 17:27

I suspect she did it because it was the right thing to do. She knew you had a lot of issues going on and that this would be yet another issue. She could help and she did.

You dont need to be friends or even like each other to know when to do a good turn for someone.

There are people at my work I am not best friends with or even dont like much. However I would pull out extra to ensure their real life situation was not made worse if needed because it is the right thing to do.

Bahhhhhumbug · 13/03/2017 17:32

Maybe she felt you had a bad impression of her (she wouldn't be exactly wrong) and wanted to show you that she is actually a nice person. It annoys me when people think something bad of me that I know not to be true and is unfair. I think I too given the opportunity would do something like this to prove them wrong. Either that or maybe she knows you don't like her and is just trying to 'wear you down' with a charm offensive. I have been known to employ this tactic when I know or feel someone doesn't like me. In one instance we became very good friends. Or maybe she is just such an inherently nice person that it never occurred to her to do any different. Just like an inherently honest person would equally hand a dropped purse to their arch enemy as they would to a good friend.

CaliforniaHorcrux · 13/03/2017 17:36

I don't know why you would bother to do something so nice to someone whose not exactly been nice to you.

Other PP's have already highlighted this and I agree with them entirely in their replies

Who would want to be on a horrible person's level, that's why people don't always respond in the same way as to how they were treated themselves

Your colleague proved you wrong about something

MiscellaneousAssortment · 13/03/2017 17:47

How unexpected and great!

It's hard to change tack on someone without feeling like you've done a complete 'about face'. But, things change, and opinions of someone can change, should change, to reflect the most accurate info you have on her... which is that she's capable of great acts of kindness for her own motivations beyond whether she personally likes you.

I'd say a heartfelt thank you and if you get the chance, ask her why, as i suspect her reply might be very interesting.

(Don't wrote anything incriminating down on paper or electronically, even in a thank you card! Be vague with lots of 'we know what we're talking about' significant eye contact!)

Spookle · 13/03/2017 18:04

I'm suspicious but hope I'm wrong...

Be careful she does not hold this over you from now until the end of time. Say thank you sincerely and genuinely but don't go overboard.

bobsleighteam · 13/03/2017 18:14

If someone ever does anything nice for me that I'm genuinely suprised about I try a bit of self reflection. Ask myself why I'm suprised by kindness and if there is a lesson in there I could learn from. I'm not always successful but I do try to be a better person in a pay it forwards kind of way.

MatildaTheCat · 13/03/2017 18:26

Report her for fraudulent work.

Or say, cheers, here is a bottle of wine, I really appreciate your help last week. Perhaps she's not as unpleasant as you thought?

AllDaBoats · 13/03/2017 20:34

She did a great thing for you.

You should definitely thank her etc and probably give her a second chance as maybe she's not as bad as you thought .

Were the emergencies work emergencies or personal ones?

What exactly don't you like about her?

WorknameJimEllis · 13/03/2017 21:01

I've covered / stood up for for colleagues I didn't particularly like, and who I knew didn't like me. I am a bit marmite as a person, everywhere I've worked and there's always someone who cold shoulders me.

The times I have stepped in, It wasn't being 'nice' or wanting favour. I do just have have an overriding sense of fair play.

Having said that I'd feed deeply weird if, after I'd covered for you you bought me a card or something. Like drawing attention to it. I'd prefer a quiet thanks and the knowledge you'd pay the deed forward and do something for someone sometime! But that's just me.

Euripidesralph · 13/03/2017 22:10

She really saved you. ....and frankly she really didn't have to

Your attitude really does come across and nasty and honestly a bit childish

I'm hoping because you're embarrassed we all have bad days at work even bad weeks so it wasn't that you were slacking, if she had just cleaned off your desk that's one thing....she didn't she went above and beyond

I hope you realise you are being awful if you don't at least say thank you , and stop the childish arguing....she could have let you go under she didn't she was the bigger person

GirlElephant · 13/03/2017 23:02

I would thank her & ask if you can take her for lunch. The use the hour to start afresh in your relationship. Not necessarily to be friends but to have a more cordial relationship

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 13/03/2017 23:06

Awwwwwww... you're going to be besties.

TheWindowDonkey · 13/03/2017 23:15

I don't know why you would bother to do something so nice to someone whose not exactly been nice to you.

I do this, I do it because I can, and because I if it makes just one person stop and think about how they are with others then its worth it. If someone is less than friendly with me then its usually deeper than me just being me.
Enough people DO like me for me to know I'm likeable...so I figure any animosity is an issue on the other persons part unrelated to me or just plain personality clash. I generally never take offence and still treatthem as I would any other decent human being.
Let me flip your question round. If you had the chance to do something positive for someone else, even someone you didnt like loads, and knew it would save their bacon, why wouldn't you?