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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a little creeped out by the way my boss looks at me

24 replies

evelina1989 · 12/03/2017 23:59

If he's sat down he leans his elbows on the desk and holds his pen with both hands. He holds it by each end and twirls it back and forth while holding very strong eye contact.

Really creepy! I can't describe it well, but honestly, it's creepy!

If he's speaking to me standing up he always strokes his I.D badge( not a euphemism thankfully) or fiddled with the buttons on his shirt while maintaining an almost surprised look on his face/strong eye contact.

He's done these exact mannerisms every time he's spoken to me since I started 6 months ago. I've noticed I'm the only one he does this with.

Is he a serial killer? Shall I change jobs?

AIBU to be a little creeped out or am I being completely absurd and deluded and this is normal behaviour on his part?

OP posts:
user1489189598 · 13/03/2017 00:22

test it by breaking the cycle. EG. If you're sitting and he's standing, leaning down to you then stand up.

Take his pen off him, and tuck it behind your ear! (yeah, I wouldn't do that either!)

But change the "rhythm" and see what happens!

Original poster
evelina1989 · 13/03/2017 00:25

He seems quite set in his ways. I'm sure he doesn't even know he's doing it!

OP posts:
Original poster
evelina1989 · 13/03/2017 07:41

And I'm not sure how I'm supposed to suddenly stop it! 😳

OP posts:
Mysterycat23 · 13/03/2017 07:44

Trust your instincts. If he seems creepy or there's something off about his behaviour then trust your instincts and don't get suckered into anything inappropriate. Unfortunately there's not much to be done in terms of making him stop, people can be creepy in the workplace, it's part of work life sadly. Just keep boundaries up and make sure it doesn't cross into bullying or harassment.

ChasedByBees · 13/03/2017 07:59

Do you look back at him or away? It does sound creepy?

Maybe if he's staring at you, ask, "is everything ok? Do you need anything else?"

Original poster
evelina1989 · 13/03/2017 08:44

I look away. He just stares into my eyes!

He seems lovely in every other way. He's great at work. Just the staring thing!

OP posts:
notanothernamechangebabes · 13/03/2017 08:49

Is your boss David Brent??

SanitysSake · 13/03/2017 08:52

I would be blunt and say 'are you aware that you stare quite intently when you talk to people? Can be quite invasive!'

And see what he says...

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 13/03/2017 08:54

Another new poster with a "This person is acting so weird around me! Now tell me he fancies me so I can go 'ooh no he doesnt' " thread?

RedBullBlood · 13/03/2017 08:56

Oh, this another "ooh, he fancies you!" "no he doesn't" thread? Pretty popular of late.

RedBullBlood · 13/03/2017 08:56

X post, Milk!

memyselfandaye · 13/03/2017 08:58

It sounds like he's deep in thought, in a bit of a trance.

He probably is'nt dreaming about taking you over the desk.

Say something if it's bothering you.

DrScholl · 13/03/2017 09:06

"Trust your instincts" = accuse him on no basis whatsoever

Original poster
evelina1989 · 13/03/2017 09:07

I'm pretty sure he's gay actually.

OP posts:
HeyManIJustWantSomeMuesli · 13/03/2017 09:13

Maybe it some sort of conscious attempt to make eye more contact gone a horribly wrong; I am the other end of this extreme and find it incredible difficult/uncomfortable/unnatural to make and maintain eye contact (so I don't really Blush) but I could imagine trying to force it on a daily basis for work could come across creepy...
Or maybe he IS just weird/creepy

Original poster
evelina1989 · 13/03/2017 09:20

It's the rolling the pen bit coupled with the eye contact that has me nervous.

I get the feeling it's a judging body language, where's he evaluating me.

Weird.

OP posts:
seaweedhead · 13/03/2017 09:33

Maybe you make him nervous and this is how it's manifesting.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 13/03/2017 09:39

At least he doesn't stick the pen in his ear, have a good old dig about, then examine the end of it - as an ex-boss of mine used to...

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 13/03/2017 09:43

I think it sounds like he's been on some course where he was recommended to maintain eye contact. He's used to doing that to woo the and fiddles with the pen or badge because he's an ex smoker Grin

I would stake my reputation on it!

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 13/03/2017 10:49

I agree, I felicia. My DS's headmaster does this weird thing where he stretches his arms over the desk and maintains eye contact throughout our conversation. I've since noticed that three other (female) members of staff do exactly the same thing! I guess it's some course where they've been taught to 'reach out' (a bit too literally!) to parents.

Rainydayspending · 13/03/2017 10:53

If you're not convinced he's aware of it start a campaign to make him aware. Pause what you are doing and ask "yes?" or "Are you ok?" Pick a phrase and use it. Every time. Don't be hostile, go for slightly bemused.

pennypeony · 13/03/2017 11:33

itshould that made me Grin

Mysterycat23 · 14/03/2017 08:21

DrScholl Hmm

Areyoufree · 14/03/2017 08:25

I'm not good with eye contact, and tend to overdo it. I think i often give people the wrong impression!

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