For DH to not give a stuff about Mother's day?

[Bethan2]

Hi all,

My DH has declared nothing will happen on Mother's day this year as our 6 month old son is not old enough to contribute anything and also that I'm not his (DH's) mother. Am feeling pretty cheesed off as I was looking forward to something, be it a card 'from' the baby, breakfast in bed etc but now I won't get anything... Feel like it's my birthday and I'm not getting any presents! Or am I just being stupid?

Thanks for reading x

Another perspective here. DH and I don't have parents to celebrate (abusive/alcoholic etc), so Mother's Day and Father's Day are pretty important to us. The kids make cards, we go out somewhere nice, little presents etc.

For my birthday DH wrote a card from baby dc3, saying I love you mummy, happy birthday. I know baby ds didn't write it, but thoughtful DH did.

I know he'll do the same for MD this year. It's about what's important to you. Congratulations on your little one. Enjoy your first Mother's Day x

I'm a bit about you taking over your wife's thread thoughtless. OP, you okay about it?

I believe that Mother's Day and Father's Day are occasions for honouring and appreciating your own parents, rather than mothers/fathers in general.

No-one is asking you to honour or appreciate mothers in general - quite the opposite! The mother who spent the best part of the past two years gestating and birthing and possibly feeding your child. Who better to honour and appreciate?

And I feel that gifts given on behalf of someone else, especially someone who doesn't understand the concept, aren't meaningful
Your child is too young to understand, but when he's older he will like it that you spoiled his mother with extra honour and appreciation on his first Mothering Sunday. My DC do - I have cards written by DH on their behalf as babies and toddlers, saying things he noted about their love for me. DD1's first card to me, for example, talks about the way that her eyes tracked me from her baby bouncer, wherever I went in the room, and how for my hair was the first thing she ever reached for.
My DH passed away far, far too young and so these cards - his observations of our children's love for me, as well as my memories of the occasions. have even more meaning, as do similar ones that I wrote about them for him.

Listen, life can be short, and cruel - take every opportunity to celebrate the people who you love. And take this, first, Mothering Sunday to create some new traditions for your family, to help your child as he gets older to learn to celebrate what his mum does for him.

After one birthday when two of my teenaged DC bought me jokey birthday cards (the day before so no thought applied) knowing how much I love a sentimental card, the next year I chose two lovely cards for them to give to me and gave them to the DC a week before my birthday. They were a bit surprised but I said I loved the cards and I knew they'd personalise them with nice words. Made me happy anyway
So OP go out and buy yourself exactly the card you'd like to receive on your first Mother's Day.

Maybe it depends how important celebrations in general are to you. It is nice to celebrate but if he's very kind/giving/appreciative all year round, maybe it's less of a crucial thing on the day?

OP get a lovely card and get a non toxic paint and make a print of your little fellas hand and foot on a card for you. He's too little to write anything, but you will treasure that card, believe me.

Years later you can show your baby how tiny his hands and feet were!

I know it's a hard slog but I actually think you've got to celebrate yourself and the fabulous job you're doing.

I think you're DH is a total arse. I also think he needs a good kick up the bum. You and your DS are his family now. Sounds like he needs to grow up a lot

You might benefit from some counselling mr thoughtless.

I'm not going to post again as I absolutely loathe to see an insecure bloke pitch in and present 'his side of the story'... odfod, not interested in you at all.

Get your child's mother a huge present. Sounds like she's doing all the work if you can't understand why she deserves respect.

You are the MOTHER OF HIS CHILD though??? What an arse!

Mr thoughtless

It's the perfect day to show how much you appreciate all the care and work your partner does as the mother of YOUR child. If her mothering doesn't deserve you're recognition/appreciation,what does?

Her feelings do matter. Mothering Sunday could be quite sad for her.

Mr thoughtless - actually you could go buy some paper and an inked pad from an art shop. Print your babies foot on the paper and frame it.

I really wouldn't care but I am an unsentimental cow! If it matters to you he should make the effort.

Take your LO to visit your mum, and have a lovely time with her. Leave DH to go and see his mum.

Yanbu.

This would upset me.

My dh was like this on my first Mother's Day (and my birthday) when dd was tiny - didn't see the point of getting something from a baby so didn't. I subsequently ignored his birthday and Father's Day which he didn't like. All other mothers days (5 since!) have been vastly improved

Casually wandering around mumsnet, spots wife's thread, comments on it. ODFOD

"He declared???"

Tell him how much it means to you and that you would like at least a card in appreciation of what a good mum you are. And the same every year thank you very much.

It's going to a few years yet before LO is going to be able to "contribute" anything!!!

YANBU! You grew this baby for 9 months, delivered it and have given up a lot in the last 6 months to care for your DS. I think that deserves some recognition.
If your DH isn't going to celebrate how awesome you are for doing all of the above and being a great mum to his son, then arrange something yourself, like some pampering/day out with your own mum and your DS and leave him to it.
Oh, and make sure you roundly ignore Father's Day and his birthday so he can see how it feels to be unappreciated.

Quietly lol-ing at the posters cursing the DH after he's posted on the thread...

Wouldn't really upset me, no. Bit mean of him but TBH, it will be nicer when it's actually FROM your son.

Mr T - kudos for recognising the 3rd point in your post.

I like pp's suggestion of making new traditions for your family to take forward. Make it your own.

Honestly this always baffles me... you are not him mother. In our house Dh calls to him mom and takes her for lunch and I call to my mom and do the same. They are both elderly so we are lucky to have them still with us. U feel as a couple we have our birthdays , anniversary and valentines ..
When did we start expecting our husbands to make it about us. Likewise Father's Day is about my dad not my husband

MrThoughtless glad you've reached the conclusion that it's nice to do something nice for your wife on a day that matters to her, even if you see it differently. Marriage is all about compromise and all that.

Hi all. Thanks so much to everyone who replied! Mr Thoughtless was fully aware of the thread - I messaged him the link as was too cheesed off to say how I was feeling, although he reads AIBU every day anyway 😉. So we had a nice chat and all is fine now 😃👍.

Thanks again. Hope you all have a nice mother's day (whether you celebrate it or not!)

x

I can't stand the I'm Not your Mother argument as an excuse for being an arse. It's a bit of basic parenting! Kids let's make a card, make some toast to show we appreciate your Mum. It's one way to teach your kids how to look after others.

Fair enough she's only a baby and not much of an argument this year.
Fair enough if you both don't want to celebrate Mothers or Fathers day.

...and so those who took me posting here as some sort of personal affront can kindly naff off

@MrThoughtless, right back at ya, with knobs on.