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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For DH to not give a stuff about Mother's day?

90 replies

Bethan2 · 10/03/2017 21:35

Hi all,

My DH has declared nothing will happen on Mother's day this year as our 6 month old son is not old enough to contribute anything and also that I'm not his (DH's) mother. Am feeling pretty cheesed off as I was looking forward to something, be it a card 'from' the baby, breakfast in bed etc but now I won't get anything... Feel like it's my birthday and I'm not getting any presents! Or am I just being stupid?

Thanks for reading x

OP posts:
artisanmincepiesonly · 10/03/2017 22:17

YANBU!
This sort of thing really matters to me so I spell it out and (I'm afraid) prompt him to do something, from baby stage onwards, still needs that prompt unfortunately. But as long as its noted somehow. And if it matters to me, it's a good message to give to our kids that we adults care about each others feelings.

If it matters to you, then you do need to chat about it. I think a box of chocs/meal out/flowers/whatever for one day a year justify the morning sickness alone. Forget labour for days on end and every day that follows.....

AgainstTheOddsNo2 · 10/03/2017 22:21

As I said to my dh when he tried to pull this stunt "no I am not your mother, but I am the mother of YOUR child"

BackforGood · 10/03/2017 22:27

I'm incline to agree with your dh, and this, posted earlier:

This was my Mother's Day for quite a few years. The only difference being, I didn't care. I wasn't his mother. I now get lovely gifts off my dds. I am their mother. It means more to me tbh, than a card or gift from DH

It's lovely to get a card they have made, when it actually is off them (albeit with help at first).

However , if it means a lot to you, and you have explained that to him, then I think he could go out and buy you a card if you think that would be nice. YABU to expect him to think it is the right thing to do though.

gillybeanz · 10/03/2017 22:38

This was my Mother's Day for quite a few years. The only difference being, I didn't care. I wasn't his mother. I now get lovely gifts off my dds. I am their mother. It means more to me tbh, than a card or gift from DH.

This

I love Mother's Day because I've only ever got things off the kids, who else would you want them from?

RiverdaleJughead · 10/03/2017 22:45

I'd want to celebrate my 1st Mother's Day as a mother to his child Hmm it's a big deal, especially the first one !

BonnieF · 10/03/2017 22:50

We don't do Mother's Day, or Father's Day or Valentine's Day, or grandpa's day or cousin's day or dog's day or any other ridiculous made-up 'Hallmark holiday'.

These so-called 'gifting opportunities' are invented, promoted and perpetuated entirely by corporations which seek to profit from them.

I can, and do, show my appreciation to my loved ones without feeling the need to do do when the marketing department of fucking Tesco tells me to.

Amber76 · 10/03/2017 22:50

Its a hallmark holiday. I wouldn't think badly of your dh for not making a big deal of it.

Audreyhelp · 10/03/2017 22:58

I didn't get a card until mine were old enough to buy one . I was a bit disappointed the first year.

But some people are just not in cards . No big deal doesn't make him a bad husband. I never bothered with Father's Day he was fine with that.

HenniePennie · 10/03/2017 22:59

YABU. FFS "mother's day" is commercialised shit. Pull yourself together.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 10/03/2017 23:18

Mothers day isnt a hallmark made up holiday at all Hmm.

melj1213 · 10/03/2017 23:19

YANBU

My Ex and I have been split for years but he still makes sure to take DD out the weekend before Mothers Day and buy a card and present for her to give to me and I do the same for Fathers Day

TBH it's the deliberate announcement that is most annoying - is it reall so hard to buy a £1 card "from the baby" and a £5 bunch of flowers/box of chocolates/bottle of wine to make you feel special on your first Mothers Day? It's not your DCs fault he's only 6 months old so can't "contribute" (although it is entirely possible for him to still contribute - I still have my first Mothers Day card that my Ex made with my then 7 month old DD where he painted her hands and feet and printed them onto a piece of card. Cost next to nothing but is still treasured now, years later, because of its thoughfulness)

Calphurnia · 10/03/2017 23:20

Mothering Sunday isn't made up by Hallmark or Tesco. It's made up by the Christian Church.

Hadenoughoftumble · 10/03/2017 23:20

YABU. FFS "mother's day" is commercialised shit. Pull yourself together.

Oh for god's sake someone else who thinks they're better than all the 'sheep' who fall for all the hallmark 'commercialised shit'. Get off your fucking high horse! So what if people take a bit of joy in getting a card and some chocs on a day to celebrate motherhood. But no, let's all be miserable bastards eh? If it doesn't matter at all to you - that's absolutely fine. But how on earth does it affect you if people do enjoy these 'commercialised' days?

TheUnicorns · 10/03/2017 23:24

YABU.

Meaningless "holiday" for self indulgent martyr mums IMHO.

MrThoughtless · 10/03/2017 23:46

Hi folks. I'm the DH in question. I'm conscious that airing this sort of thing in public is in pretty poor taste, but I'm an avid reader of AIBU (hence finding the post!), and threads on here don't often get the other side of the story, so thought I'd give something back and bare all for your entertainment Wink

In short:

  • My personal view is the same as ThePinkOcelot and others who posted similar thoughts. I believe that Mother's Day and Father's Day are occasions for honouring and appreciating your own parents, rather than mothers/fathers in general. And I feel that gifts given on behalf of someone else, especially someone who doesn't understand the concept, aren't meaningful.
  • I'm not a hypocrite and I'm fully expecting Father's Day to go unrecognised this year, by the same logic Smile
  • However, IWBU for applying my logic to her day. If she doesn't see anything wrong with getting a present "from DS" when it's actually from me, and wants that recognition, who am I to say that my perspective is the one that matters? On Mother's Day, of all days? Lesson learned! Blush

Hugs honey! Flowers

BonnieF · 10/03/2017 23:47

Calphurnia

That's even worse.

LilacSpatula · 10/03/2017 23:54

I had the same at Christmas and made a special effort for him despite being 20 days post partum. I've made it VERY clear that Mother's Day is a HUGE deal for me. Hopefully the message has arrived...

gillybeanz · 10/03/2017 23:54

So the OP can share it with her child or friends at church then.
I agree, and can remember mothering sunday at church being a full day of events for women and children.
The husbands weren't there, the kids made a card and picked wild flowers, or bought a tombola type present.

A bit far removed from another "Hallmark" Day Sad

GreyStars · 11/03/2017 00:06

If you love someone, regardless of what you think you make note of what they think and care about.

I couldn't give a damm about Valentine's Day, it is a crappy holiday IMO. It is important to DH.

He loves it, he is a romantic soul and is romantic all year round but to him Valentine's Day is the day where he wants to do something extra special for me. So I not the gushing romantic soul do go that extra mile because it is important to him.

Because I love him, but more importantly it is important to him.

He doesn't really get Christmas, I love Christmas so he goes all out with my obbsession love of Christmas.

CheeseQueen · 11/03/2017 00:41

Aw, no. Sad That'd make me feel sad for my first Mother's Day too!
You're aware that Father's Day falls mid June, right? Just promise me that if he really has declared that nothing's going to happen for Mothers Day on behalf of baby being a few months old, you're prepared to do the exact same thing on Fathers Day. Baby will be oblivious, but Dad will know don't ignore Mum on her day as the reality means I get ignored too!
First Mother and Father Days mean a lot. If he complains then he's really got no leg to stand on.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/03/2017 01:31

However, IWBU for applying my logic to her day. If she doesn't see anything wrong with getting a present "from DS" when it's actually from me, and wants that recognition, who am I to say that my perspective is the one that matters? On Mother's Day, of all days? Lesson learned!

Good job. Now stop reading your wife's OPs!

MrThoughtless · 11/03/2017 01:36

I read almost every thread in AIBU dammit :D

oneohfivethreeeight · 11/03/2017 01:37

Tell your DH that I took this line with our DS1's first mother's day. He's 36 next birthday and I still haven't been truly forgiven. Get a card and flowers - it's best in the long run.

user1484268181 · 11/03/2017 01:42

Tabby. Your DH is a Twat. My DH ignored my first Mother's Day - after trying every assisted technology for over 7 yrs. I was gutted. I still remember and silently resent 15 yrs later.

buttfacedmiscreant · 11/03/2017 01:48

Well done DH, good on for realising your bias and fixing it. Now though a card alone won't do because of your (temporary) screw up, find some way special of honouring the woman who became a mother to your child.

My DH doesn't like Father's day, so we don't celebrate it. I still expect Mother's day to be celebrated because I do like it, it is important to me. It would be wrong for me to push father's day on my DH because such things are important to me just as much as it is wrong for my DH to not celebrate for me.

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