Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is usually always rude to comment on someone's weight?

76 replies

lottieandmia · 10/03/2017 21:06

I think it's rude to comment on someone's weight. And I think that when a man does it it's a deliberate 'neg' pick up artist type thing.

Maybe if someone's openly going to weight watchers then it's ok to say 'ooh you look slim' but it's not ok to say someone looks too thin or they've out weight on.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
lottieandmia · 10/03/2017 21:11

Put*

OP posts:
redexpat · 10/03/2017 21:11

Nope.

ArmySal · 10/03/2017 21:12

No you're not.

ArchNotImpudent · 10/03/2017 21:15

YANBU - unless they've expressly said they're trying to lose weight, in which case saying they look slimmer would be well-received and motivating.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 10/03/2017 21:16

Never ever comment on someone else's body whether positively or negatively.

To the opposite sex, doubly so. It's weird.

The one that makes me crazy is women who love to "compliment" others on weight loss. Like "oooh, have you lost weight", "oooh, you are looking lovely and slim" Oh fuck off, how dare you. I'm just wearing a better fitting top. Or maybe I have lost a bit of weight. But fuck off dear, don't lay your misogynistic body hang ups about women's body shape on me. And keep your judgements to yourself.

Say I've got nice shoes if you want to be complimentary. Judging my body is not nice.

PolkadotPony · 10/03/2017 21:17

YANBU

I hate it when people tell me I'm 'too skinny'. It's rude.

RiverdaleJughead · 10/03/2017 21:19

People at work always commenting on how much I eat and stay so slim ... yeah I'm having my tea at work because I'm serving you lot instead of being at home. And they think it's a positive cos they say I'm still slim but it just makes me self conscious to eat !

NavyandWhite · 10/03/2017 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BanginChoons · 10/03/2017 21:21

Yanbu.

SerialReJoiner · 10/03/2017 21:21

I lost a lot of weight 18 months ago. I know people were trying to be nice, but I felt very embarrassed when I received comments. I got a lot of them, on a regular basis. I didn't get angry at people about it or anything, but it was a relief when we moved house and met people who never knew me at my heavier weight.

As a rule, I never mention a person's weight. It's a minefield.

triskele · 10/03/2017 21:22

Only if I know they're trying to lose weight.

FiveMinutesAlone · 10/03/2017 21:25

I agree as a general rule (exempting things like doctor - patient consultations where weight is medically relevant).

Although I did comment on a friend's weight loss, but as they'd recently posted a photo of some slimming world "Well done for losing x stone" type certificate on FB, I figured they'd be more put out by me not mentioning it.

GladysKnight · 10/03/2017 21:26

I agree, YANBU. When someone has lost weight it can be because of a breakup or other highly stressful episode, or serious illness. I try to stick to 'I like that shirt' or 'your hair looks nice' .

I get this a bit and it annoys me. I don't like to think people are thinking about my body shape. I know they probably are, but yeah, bad manners to say anything. Although very common and 'normal'; I think it's good to be aware though, and try not to do it.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 10/03/2017 21:28

YANBU, can't bear it. Certain family members will comment that I've lost weight (I haven't and I'm not trying to) or look me up and down and say nothing. Either sets my teeth on edge. Stop appraising my body. I'm not fucking livestock.

BathshebaDarkstone · 10/03/2017 21:29

People kept telling me I'd lost weight. I was trying to put it on.

WinterRose92 · 10/03/2017 21:40

I hate people commenting on weight. I've had times where I've lost and put on weight. Not nice when someone comments on you putting on weight and I get equally embarrassed if someone comments on my weight loss. I had a baby 12 weeks ago and my Nan has tried to ask me twice what my weight is, have I lost the baby weight yet? None of her business! She then said I look like I've lost the baby weight and that my stomach looks flat but I just felt awkward. To be honest, I haven't weighed myself but I am aware that my body has changed and I do feel a little self conscious at times. I've always carried a little extra weight, but most of the time I feel okay with how I look.
YANBU. I understand some people think it's a nice compliment to comment on weight loss, and for some it might spur people on with diets, they might like it, but I generally just compliment people on something else, clothes, shoes, hair, etc.

Original poster
lottieandmia · 10/03/2017 21:49

It just makes me feel self conscious as though I'm being judged all the time.

OP posts:
Nelllo · 10/03/2017 21:54

YANBU. It's never ok unless it's your bestie and they are looking fab and need to hear about it.

joeythenutter · 10/03/2017 22:02

A woman who I'd only met twice said to me "there's not a pick on you".
I wanted to reply "well there's too many picks on you" as she was obese, but didn't stoop to her level.

I'm slim but certainly not skinny.

Why do people think that telling someone they are slim/skinny is not rude but telling a fat person they are fat, is?

kiwigeekmum · 10/03/2017 23:56

YANBU.

It's weird and (I think) inappropriate to comment on someone else's body without invitation.

I used to lap up the "You've lost weight" comments when I was younger, but now even positive comments make me uncomfortable. Like, we're somehow better people and more worthy of praise if we've lost weight?? How misogynistic.

I would only comment if someone was openly discussing it, for example a friend recently shared on fb that she'd reached her goal weight. My comment was "Well done on your hard work and reaching your goal". Nothing to do with her actual weight, but simply that she'd set a goal and reached it and I'm pleased for her.

Babyiwantabump · 11/03/2017 01:18

YANBU I find it really strange that people seem to think it's ok to comment on weight loss/gain - especially after you've had a baby.

My family and PIL seem obsessed about my weight. I am not! I am still breastfeeding and am not going to restrict my diet just to make them happier!

What's worse is I'm not that much bigger than before the last two DC and they are all significantly larger than I am anyway!

MIL especially seems to want to tell me about the latest slimming world meal she had found in Iceland and how I should "really try it - you know it might help me loose that baby weight"

Oh do fuck off dear.

Sorry went off on a bit of a rant there but it really boils my piss!

KoalaDownUnder · 11/03/2017 01:28

YANBU!

I hate it with a passion.

KoalaDownUnder · 11/03/2017 01:32

Even if they're saying it approvingly, it's the implication that their opinion of my body should somehow matter to me. Like, wtf?!

HelenaDove · 11/03/2017 01:38

Yep. Theres nothing like losing weight to have ppl lining up to tell you how crap you looked before.

Im a size 14 down from a 28. Before i suspected ppl were judging me and looking down on me for being bigger.

Afterwards i KNEW they were.

Its left me with a bit of a paranoid fear of weight gain to the point that i WILL refuse certain medications if the need should ever arise.

HappyAxolotl · 11/03/2017 02:09

Yes it is rude to mention people's weight. The only exceptions would be a) a friend who is on a diet/exercise regime, talks to you about it and you're complimenting them on their progress and b) again someone you are close to who has lost or gained a lot in a short space of time, doesn't seem very well and you are worrying if everything is ok with them. Even then proceed with extreme caution.