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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be filled with rage that this still happens in this day and age.

43 replies

AnathemaPulsifer · 10/03/2017 15:01

Yes, I know The Poke isn't 'news', but still:

www.thepoke.co.uk/2017/03/10/man-swapped-names-wife-two-weeks-results-fascinating/

In short, a woman (recruiter) was always working slower than her male colleague. He discovered why when he accidentally started an email conversation using her name from a shared inbox and didn't notice his mistake until what should have been a simple conversation became intensely slow and frustrating. The candidate was questioning his every suggestion because he thought he was talking to a woman. His attitude changed completely when he was aware he was talking to a man.

So. Frustrating. Nasty, low-grade undermining of women :(

Has it ever happened to you? I've been patronised by men, but thankfully not in a work context. I did get quite snappy with a salesman recently who didn't seem to think my tiny female brain would cope with the 'technical stuff' I was asking about.

OP posts:
Degustibusnonestdisputandem · 10/03/2017 15:02

Yes I was reading this earlier today... I wished it wasn't true! Angry

Original poster
AnathemaPulsifer · 10/03/2017 15:03

Forgot to say, for those who don't like following links, they then tested the theory by swapping names for a fortnight. Easiest work fortnight of the woman's life Angry

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 10/03/2017 15:05

YANBU. I cant do any more of this today. I have to go decompress Angry

Justwantcookies · 10/03/2017 15:14

I've experienced similar. Some men don't think I can answer their questions because they are of a technical nature. We had one client who would always request a collegue, who was a man. As he didnt like dealing with us mere women. If this person wasn't available he would come back later! Even though the person he was asking for was junior to us and sometimes had to ask us for an answer. It didnt fill me with rage, just made me think what an idiot.

BBCNewsRave · 10/03/2017 15:15

And when I clicked the link, there are 6 "paid content" fake articles on the right hand side. Four are the "burn fat!" type ones, and the other two are "Weird trick to make women obsess over you" and "How to make women beg to be your girlfriend".

FFS.

LadyDeadpool · 10/03/2017 15:18

You know ThePoke is satire right?

"The Poke is a British satirical website. It was launched in 2002 as a fanzine distributed at the Edinburgh Festival and independent music stores.[1] The website is known for producing viral videos, which are often Auto-Tune edits of British current affairs.[2]"

contractor6 · 10/03/2017 15:20

Shock appaulled at this, I deal with lots of agents and treat equally!

Genvonklinkerhoffen · 10/03/2017 15:20

The topic was originally posted as a series of tweets and the pike have lifted it from there. They do a sort of digest every week.

Even if this one was made up, I experience this daily so satire or not... Angry

Justanothernameonthepage · 10/03/2017 15:29

Poke has a mix or real and satire. This is one of the real ones.

DonaldStott · 10/03/2017 15:38

In my previous job, I was asked to get quotes for getting a lift to allow disable access to our office, which was on the 2nd floor of a shared 2 floor building.

I arranged the meeting, spoke to the person coming out. Conversed via email regarding specifics etc.

The day of the meeting arrived. I introduced myself, he shook my hand limply and walked straight over the the only male I. The office and proceeded to get the paperwork out of his breifcase and addressed my male line manager.

It was honestly like I was invisible! The sexism was palpable.

My boss told the gentleman that his meeting was in fact with me, as I was handling it.

You should have seen lift mans face drop.

What a twat. I was just stood there agog.

I had never witnessed such blatant sexism first hand.

stonecircle · 10/03/2017 15:41

At parents' eve on one occasion, every time I asked DS's science teacher a question, he directed his answer to DH. I'm much more involved in our dcs' education than DH is. To be fair, DH did try to refer the teacher's responses to me. But I was fuming!

slug · 10/03/2017 15:44

Oh the irony. People are getting excited that women aren't believed in the same way men are. Only they need a man to say it because they don't believe it when women say it....

0hT00dles · 10/03/2017 15:46

Unfortunately it's so true.

I've had client's say 'What's with all these women MD's nowadays?' and men completely talk down to me saying they do one thing. I quickly point out, nope, you don't as I know for a fact that is covered off elsewhere so what's your title. People try to talk down to me, but I stand my ground.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 10/03/2017 15:48

I have had people be rude or patronizing because they thought I was a receptionist rather than because I am a woman. I feel bad for receptionists having to put up with that nonsense. It's tacky to treat someone rudely just because you can.

I was in the receptionist's area making photocopies while she was in the toilet. A man came into the lobby and snapped 'I'm here to see your people'. I stammered 'Excuse me?' He glared horribly and barked 'Your People'. From his clothing I was fairly certain I knew who he was there to see so I let him in and took him to the conference room where a large meeting was taking place. Then I joined the meeting. Then the man's colleagues from the fire department thanked me for how well I had handled an emergency situation at the factory the night before which had resulted in them being called out. The man's face distinctly shifted when he realized he'd been snapping at the engineering manager, not the receptionist.

That was nice for me, not so nice if I really had been the receptionist. I imagine he would have snapped at her on the way out too.

I had that happen a few times. I imagine if I had been a man they wouldn't have assumed I was the receptionist though.

Bumblebiscuits · 10/03/2017 15:50

Numerous times I've had that thing where I've suggested something in a meeting that's been ignored and then when someone -with a penis- more authoritative has said it, it's been greeted with massive enthusiasm.

Really pisses me off.

ExplodedCloud · 10/03/2017 15:50

Yes I've had to stop phone calls with external suppliers attempting to mansplain my specialism to me. I am section leader of a tech team. I am not Jen from the IT crowd, I know my stuff.

RedAndYellowPeppers · 10/03/2017 15:51

slug Grin

AgentBlue · 10/03/2017 15:51

I read this at Joe.ie and shared it on the Feminism area.

As I've said on threads before my name is commonly used as a male/masculine name in Europe as it happens in my job I work with a lot of European teams much of our communication will be via email at first with phone calls etc later. Invariably the assumption is made that I am male and has lead to some very funny/confused conversations, but there has also been a shift in attitude.

One of my colleagues works a lot with Japan, her rather unique name is very similar to a male name in that culture, she has also noticed the same attitude once they realise shes female.

Obviously this is anecdotal, but every female member of our team will have at least one similar story.

It like that news reader who wore the same clothes for a year when his female colleague was criticized about her clothes and no-one said a word.........

Still happens, people just don't want to see it.

PageNowFoundFileUnderSpartacus · 10/03/2017 15:56

I've chaired mixed sex interview panels where occasionally an applicant will direct the answers to any questions that I've asked to my male colleague.

I'm not sure why you would choose to demonstrate at an interview that you're a sexist arse with poor communication skills when the woman you're ignoring is going to be deciding whether you get the job or not, but it happens.

Original poster
AnathemaPulsifer · 10/03/2017 15:56

The Poke is satire, but not - as PPs have said - when doing a digest of interesting or funny tweets.

Oh the irony. People are getting excited that women aren't believed in the same way men are. Only they need a man to say it because they don't believe it when women say it....

If a woman had said it to me I'd have believed it, but not quite as much as if she'd managed to get a man to email as her for a fortnight to check it's just the name rather than a difference in approach. There can be many different reasons for people to interact differently. In this particular case it's pure sexism.

OP posts:
CaveMum · 10/03/2017 15:58

My old boss was a man in his 60s, he was CEO and I was Operations Manager. If we very went to an event/meeting together it was always assumed I was his PA Hmm

Gildedcage · 10/03/2017 15:59

Slug has it Grin

Fauchelevent · 10/03/2017 16:03

Yep. I freelance in a quite techy, male dominated field occasionally. I am young and female but have ten years of experience and a degree in the subject. Doesn't stop men with less experience mansplaining to me and telling me what I could be doing better

ShowMePotatoSalad · 10/03/2017 16:09

Just a few examples from my work:

  • A female work colleague came and asked me to join a cleaning rota comprised almost totally of other female colleagues. I asked if she was going to be asking any men to join the list and gave an example of someone she could ask. She said she wouldn't ask that person before they have kids at home and are most likely tired. I have a kid too and am tired so why single me out as going on the list?
  • In an old workplace my (again, female) boss told me that she was going to give a male colleague a pay raise once he got back from paternity leave because he had a bigger family to support. When I came back from maternity leave, I got nothing. I wouldn't expect anything of course, you get pay rises for performance and increased responsibilities at work, not because you have more kids.
  • Male colleague got overtime for covering a meeting. I went to the same meeting to cover another colleague and got nothing.
  • Another colleague routinely stole my ideas, without realising I recorded my ideas with timestamps and then told the boss I'd thought of them first. I couldn't care less if they thought I was being petty - I wanted credit for my ideas.
  • This same person regularly talked over me in meetings, and when I was explaining something to a staff member he would copy what I was saying, as I was saying it. He always did it from a standing position and talking more loudly than me, so that what I was saying was drowned out.

My conclusion: sexism in the workplace is absolutely rife, and it can be perpetuated by both men and women.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 10/03/2017 16:10

because they have kids at home and are most likely tired, that should say.