AIBU to feel nervous about DH being away close to my due date?

[HowcanIearnthis]

I suspect I'm probably being a bit daft, aren't I? DH wants to do a charity cycle race through rural France for a long weekend when I am 36 weeks pregnant. It's not a compulsory work trip but is something organised for people in a particular industry so he says it would be an excellent networking opportunity. To be fair, I am a SAHM , so his job is our only income, and it is an industry where networking is very important. He says that he took his foot off the gas to come home early from work to look after DD when I had bad morning sickness and he thinks I am being unreasonable not to be over the moon about it.

DD wasn't hugely early - she arrived at 39 weeks, but that's not statistically significant enough to draw any conclusions. However, she was reasonably speedy - I was at 10cm within 3.5 hours. I have had a loop diathermy procedure since she was born (where part of your cervix is chopped out) so there is an increased risk of prematurity, but the consultant says that she doesn't think that is going to be a particular problem and that my cervix is holding up ok at the moment (at 21 weeks). I just feel that if anything did happen, it is extremely unlikely that he would get back in time. It's one of those low-probability-but-high-impact situations. I would be really sad if he missed it.

I don;t usually kick up a fuss about this stuff. I know I'm a SAHM and have accepted his difficulties in leaving work for medical appointments etc as the price that we pay for the luxury of being able to afford for me to stay home with DD. He had a major presentation on the day that I had to go to hospital to have a miscarriage confirmed; I went on my own and we just got on with it. I am feeling a bit sad, though, that he wants to do this. He's a grown man, you know - I can hardly tell him not to do it - but I wish that he felt it was more important to be here just in case.

I am probably being ridiculous and hormonal, right?

I have absolutely no idea why there appear to be so many husbands of MN posters who seem to be so blasé about missing the birth of their own children.

Surely the thought process is 'oh there's a holiday with my friends being planned for June. Oh, my baby is due in June so I won't be going on this holiday'.

Why should it always be up to the woman to try to persuade her husband to try not to miss their own child's birth? I think it would actually be a deal breaker for me.

so that's made me feel about less mad.

It's not mad at all. 36 weeks pregnant is tough, especially when there is also another child to look after. It is not a suitable time for a jolly - networking or no - so although I'm quite low risk for a prem labour, (older DC were all late) I wouldn't be at all happy about DH suggesting it.

I wouldn't pussy foot around and say 'how do we make it work?' when what I mean is a straightforward 'no', because I'd know that if he ended up going I would be very upset. When I'm gestating our child for us both, he can at least stick around and do bloody everything else help when I get to the stage that I can't tie my own shoelaces.

You're not mad whatsoever.

I posted a similar thread about not wanting my then-DP, now-DH to go and watch his parents' house for a weekend while they went away (two hours away from home, no phone signal, when his sister only lives 15 minutes away but they didn't want to "impose on her" [no kids, works part time] ) when I'd be 37 weeks.

I was ripped to shreds, told I was being ridiculous and possessive and mean and pathetic and I was a first time mum so I'd definitely go overdue.

DH decided not to go. It was a good job, because I developed pre-eclampsia and was induced that weekend.

YANBU at all.

I worked FT until I was 38w. Although that said I don't think I'd have wanted DP too far way by that stage. You never know??

• FT 38w (with number 2)

Yanbu!!

YANBU I wouldn't have been off doing something like that at 36 weeks.

I am glad to see this thread going this way. Often on MN people are told to stop being so needy as to want their DH around when they are heavily pregnant.

This is a jolly. Not work. He may be able to network but that is not a necessity. I would feel pretty cross at being emotionally blackmailed over the returning to work early because of morning sickness too.

I had an extremely fast labour with my first child.

My husband arranged to play rugby 7 hours away from home, which included an overnight stay, on my actual due date (first born was born 39+5 for context). Baby 2 had different ideas and I went into labour at 6am on the morning of said due date and he missed the game entirely.

I don't remember being worried about him going though? I guess I just assumed I wouldn't go into labour if he wasn't here.

First was 39 weeks, second was at 37 weeks and much much faster labour (still a day or so).
There's no right or wrong answer to this one. He needs to consider what the impact will be if he misses the birth, misses the trip because you are unwell closer to the time and "lets down" the work team, has to leave part way through the weekend and who will get his stuff back.
I consider myself fairly relaxed about this stuff, naively in my own case it turned out but I have no idea if the operation you've had has any other risks besides premature labour (not small in itself) but if there was the remotest risk of haemorrhage or other complications for you then I would take a dim view. If choices had to be made over your medical treatment or your baby's and you were incapable would you be comfortable with your parents making that call?

YANBU. Presumably it's not the one and only networking event this year for him?
Having said that, in your shoes I would probably let him go because unless you do give birth a month early (I get that it could happen) you are going to need him so much more once the baby is born.

It would be a big fat no for me. My first baby all went swimmingly until i went into early labour 7w early no reason as to why but my cervix failed me. They stopped it then i gave birth a week and half later the only reason it took 4 hrs from start of labour was because i couldn't fully dilate due to position of baby.

What Somerville said in both her posts. And I'm not some fainting flower -- I spent most of my own pregnancy (first time at 40) working in a different country to DH and home, but that was non-negotiable, and I took leave early. The 'taking his foot off the gas' because you were morning sick is par for the course when you decide to become a parent.

My DP swanned off to India when I was 37 weeks. It was a family holiday (booked before his family knew about me or DD) and his DM put a huge amount of pressure on him going. I was (and still am) pissed off that he went to be honest. DD wasn't early but she could have been and I would have had no sympathy if he had missed her being born.

Biscuitsneeded has hit the nail on the head..you are co parenting one child and making plans for a second...if he's willing to sit and sort out contingency plans why not agree a plan for him go ? France is not Mars you know! Look at all your family and other hired help. Look at flights and costs. Agree to a plan and stick to it. Draw in others so everyone knows what is happening...it can be done. He may even decide, costing up flights and care packages involving him picking up and dropping off various relatives to cover his absence just how key his role is and decide to stay put!

With my first, my husband went on a stag do abroad at 33 weeks (with my blessing). 2 days after he got back I went into labour (at 34 weeks). So it does seem a little risky but chances are you would be fine.

Cyclists. They're all the same. Totally obsessed. Equally married to one and his multiple bikes. Might as well be a single mum after job and the bikes. But YANBU! Good luck. Let the tires down.

I wouldn't agree to it - even if you don't go into early labour you will be heavily pregnant and running around after a toddler and wanting as much help as possible.

I sort of hope my bf is still away when the baby arrives he gets back 6 days before due date. I just think mother would be a better partner, he wouldn't be happy to hear that though.

But then I've never had a baby before and I am being very blasé about the grand finale. happy to eat my words

YANBU! My dh went climbing mountains in Scotland when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I was inwardly livid but didn't feel as though I had much of a choice. Everything was fine and I was 11 days overdue but I would never put up with this now!

I would go for the "if you want to, I can't say no" approach and add on "but if you miss the birth of our child, I wouldn't bother coming home". Usually works for me when DH has a mad idea. It's a horribly selfish idea, and I felt pretty tired and limited in what I could achieve at 36 weeks with a toddler in tow.

My husband was asked to go on a work trip to Milan on 8/9 of this month. He was asked so it was optional but still it would create a good impression etc with a relatively new company. Initially he was excited and said at least it's still 3 was before DD1 due. I just expressed my concerns and feelings but said ultimately it was his career but his baby so he would need to weigh this up and make his own decision. Good job he stayed as baby just arrived at 37+3 on 9th. If baby had been a boy we may have considered Milan as a name!!

I know someone who has just headed to Australia to cycle a few thousand miles across it; his wife is due May as far as I know. France doesn't seem so bad in comparison.

What's wrong with these men? Why would you want to risk missing the birth of your own child?