AIBU to expect my DH to help more around the house?

[tigercub50]

I have posted before about my DH & his tendencies to be controlling/abusive. Very happy to say that he is making a huge effort to change & we are going to counselling separately plus he is taking steps to help with his depression. The atmosphere in the house is completely different. That said, he hasn't really changed how much he helps me. He does work quite long hours so I am uncertain how much I should be doing ( I don't work) & how much he should at least be offering to do. He never thinks to put a load of washing on, for example. And it would never occur to him to make our DDs packed lunch etc. Basically he does the dishwasher, occasionally moves the settees to sweep under them, occasionally cooks & I can remember him cleaning the oven a couple of times. I have got into a pattern of not discussing certain stuff in case he blows up & it will take a while to adjust to this better version of my DH. I can see the man I married more & more, which is wonderful. Any thoughts on how housework etc should be shared?

You still can't see your being unreasonable why should he had to think to put a washing load on or do sandwiches for DC lunch. God I do dh sandwiches, see to three DC do all the school runs cook and clean it's part of my job when I don't work and he does!

Under, if you read back, I have agreed with everyone & take the comments on board. I meant just occasionally. At least he does know how to operate the machine in case I'm away. Some men don't 🙂

You just seem to want someone else to do some 'chores in the house besides you. Because you've decided you're BU asking your DP to make packed lunches, now you're going to get DD to make them. Again, unreasonable. Seriously, you're at home all day, they are both out of the home!

I agree with pp you just want to boss someone around to do chores. It's really not needed your at home on your own for 6 hours. Your dh has cooked before so knows how to and if he needed to use the machine it's a fairly simple machine to use.

Will you for God's sake read the op's replies and get off her back! You don't have to agree with someone, but why be so aggressive, especially to someone who has suffered emotional abuse?

I say again that you are bullying on this thread and I will report this.

I have read her replies and she just seems to want to offload housework onto either her DP or now her child, and I've said that. How that is bullying, if you're referring to me, or indeed anyone else on this thread, I don't see it.

I have reported this thread. It makes me feel extremely disappointed to see women ganging up to criticise someone who has already suffered EA at the hands of a man.

People are disagreeing with op about her expections of her daughter and her dh when she isn't work and her dh works long hours how is that bullying?

So because most disagree with her that is bullying? I think not.

I don't want to offload - if you look back, I said that DH & I both think that DD needs to be given a bit more responsibility as she gets older & making her packed lunch could possibly be something she could do. It's not because I can't be bothered or haven't got time! I am not a bossy person either.

And I would dearly love to contribute to the moneypot but I live in an area where there are not many jobs. I am jobhunting & hoping to return to Tesco where I had a temporary position last summer. It really boosted my ego. As I said earlier, my DH used to rub it in that I wasn't working so it was great to be able to earn a wage.

Tidying her room and putting her clothes away is more than enough, she's a child and shouldn't need to make her own food.

He's out at work all day long hours, your dd is at school and you don't work. There's no reason for anybody bar you to be doing anything around the house. You don't do his job for him so why should he of both his and yours?

I'm in the reverse position. I work full time dh works one day a week and occasional additional days and our dd is at school. I feel it's utterly unfair that he is at home with frwe time 2-4 days a week, im at work 5 days a week yet I still have to do a lot of the housework and all of the house administration.

I personally hate it when posters bandy around the term bullying, Naice.
Bullying is horrible. It does nobody any favours for people to use the word when it is just not happening.
there has been no nastiness on this thread. There has been lots of expressions or sympathy to the OP about what she has gone through earlier in her marriage.

People answering her question honestly is not bullying, in any way, shape, or form.