To think that people living on welfare shouldn't be running off every five minutes for a new tattoo or piercing?

[allfurcoatandnoknickers1]

I'm probably going to get shot down for this, but I just had a little disagreement with a woman I know. She posted a photo on Facebook of a rather large tattoo on her forearm that she'd just had done. Last month she had skin divers put in her chest and hand. The month before she had another shit tattoo.
This individual is single and has two children. She hasn't worked a day in the last decade, but is living off the state. Am I being a bitch by thinking she should spend the money she receives on feeding the children and keeping a roof over their heads? I noted that she feeds her boys Pot Noodle for dinner but makes sure she's got her fags too. It just annoys me.

People need to be controlled on every aspect of what they do if not conforming to the social expectations of the hard working classes

I had missed that sentence.

It's serious arseholiness.

Funny how I never see vitriol for the abusive men or those who leave mothers and children at the mercy of benefits.
What was the last time we had a thread about a man bragging about how much money he spent on a tattoo while his children eat potwhatever?

Saoralgalbrath, if you can recognise that the abuse started long before you gave birth, can I ask why you decided to stay and compound the problem by having children?
Not really a question you should be asking of an abused woman. However, it's because you frequently don't realise it's abuse at the time.
Because you think that maybe becoming a family will help rather than compound.
Because it's insidious, it creeps up so slowly that your parameters regarding normal behaviour are shifted.
Because you think nobody will believe you.
Because when he's love bombing you think it's all going to be alright.
Because initially you think it's short term, he's not well, he's tired, he's having a rough patch.
Because he's had a hard life and you want to make him better.
Because you don't want to be a failure.
Because after children you don't want to remove them from their father.
Because you don't know who to tell.
Because you have no money.
Because you think you have nowhere to go
Because you're scared.
Because you're terrified.
Because you might die if it all goes wrong.
Myriad other reasons.
I suggest you read some of the stories on the Refuge website before questioning someone about their reasons again. Nobody has to justify their reasoning for staying with an abuser or leaving one. Nobody.

Well said Dawndonnaagain

Oh thank you dawndonna you understand and I'm grateful

Bit late to claim you're not sneering after claiming you are "allowed to judge"

At what point does the violence begin, in my case three years after I married the bastard and we already had a child

neccoli I find your post highly offensive

Its an abuse lifetrap nceccoli, quite common in victims and unless you've experienced it it can be very hard to understand but its not something they are actively choosing, and can require decent therapy/help in some form to get out of it.

My ex would refuse to wear a condom. Flushed my pill. Wanted to keep me pregnant to tie me to him.

Eventually I got the coil but it took a ton of deception and deceit to get to the appointment and I never told him.

He fed me such a line about how awful a person I was that I believed him and by the time I left I had no self esteem. I only left as my children grew because I didn't want them to have the same life.

I have never repeated the pattern and my current DP is lovely.

How about men learn not to abuse women?

I have never married again or even been a serious relationship because I'm still very scared of men and then a bloody numpty more or less tells me I brought violence on myself.

nceccoli I did suggest you do some reading around the subject. It is incredibly easy for women to get into these relationships. Having been in one relationship makes us more likely to fall for another abuser. After all, the second one may be our rescuer. Your attitude is offensive. Women from all walks of life are in or have experienced abusive relationships. Some have had abusive parents are are not able to recognise abuse. Others have been so programmed to believe that they can't cope on their own that they will hook up with someone quickly because they're frightened, still more because they haven't been able to access the help they need to recognise the red flags.
Three or more abusive relationships? That's your limit is it? So what do we do - parents, friends, partner and then that's it, you're on your own, no more benefits until you sort yourself out? Either think things through before posting, or do some reading. Preferably both.

Yes have a read of this

liveboldandbloom.com/07/relationships/women-stay-abusive-relationships

nobody thinks it'll ever happen to them but the truth is you don't know. I didn't think DV would happen to me until the first punch.

This thread needs a truckload of biscuits.

I agree banty

and then you believe the apologies and are convinced it'll never happen again...

Or get convinced by their gaslighting that it was your fault in the first place and if you only tried harder these things wouldn't happen. Took me years to get out of that mindset, still not completely out to be honest.

The gas lighting is the worst to get away from. To get rid of the voice in your head saying all their crap.

Nceccoli my ex simply raped me without a condom. And told me no one would believe me as he was the respectable one from the respectable family.

So. With respect. Take your "never occurred to me to have a child" somewhere else please. It's offensive.