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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think that people living on welfare shouldn't be running off every five minutes for a new tattoo or piercing?

999 replies

allfurcoatandnoknickers1 · 09/03/2017 17:02

I'm probably going to get shot down for this, but I just had a little disagreement with a woman I know. She posted a photo on Facebook of a rather large tattoo on her forearm that she'd just had done. Last month she had skin divers put in her chest and hand. The month before she had another shit tattoo.
This individual is single and has two children. She hasn't worked a day in the last decade, but is living off the state. Am I being a bitch by thinking she should spend the money she receives on feeding the children and keeping a roof over their heads? I noted that she feeds her boys Pot Noodle for dinner but makes sure she's got her fags too. It just annoys me.

OP posts:
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13
Dontactlikeyouknowme · 09/03/2017 22:07

If you think the OP wanted sensible discussion then you must be very new to MN...

kittybiscuits · 09/03/2017 22:07

Portia I have complete sympathy for you but I would think carefully about how much to share on this thread about your personal experiences because there are some goady fuckers on it - the worst of mumsnet. Hope you don't mind me saying that.

PortiaCastis · 09/03/2017 22:08

Thanks Kitty

Lweji · 09/03/2017 22:08

nceccoli

You're blaming women for being in relationships with these men who abuse. But no word on getting rid of them and making it safer for women to enter a relationship with a man.

And how do you propose to solve the problem of women who seem to repeat these patterns. I hear criticism, but no solutions.

SookiesSocks · 09/03/2017 22:09

If you genuinely believe that, you could have tried to bring it round to a sensible discussion, not turned it into a farce with stupid comments.

Why is it my job to steer the OP in to an intelligent discussion when that was clearly not her intention?

Why dont you try sooty instead of being the thread police and trying to pick apart my posts. Or are you not intelligent enough to do that and find it easier to do whatever it is you are doing on this thread.

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 09/03/2017 22:09

Thank you CrossCountryRunner that's lovely. Touch wood, I'm doing well these days, but I will recommend them to others and look how to support the charity. I hope many others can gain from your tip.

PortiaCastis · 09/03/2017 22:10

It isn't easy to leave and where do you go? There's only one refuge in the whole County and that was full

nceccoli · 09/03/2017 22:11

Lweji, I don't suggest anything. I would suggest being stricter on benefits but that would penalise the children. Unfortunately by protecting children in the short term, it send out the message to some that it's ok to take advantage of benefits.
My post was intended to bring up the point that not all benefit claimants are hapless, victims of circumstance. Sometimes people do make poor choices and are continously protected from the consequences of those poor choices through the safety net of benefits. They become entitled. Just like i perfectly accept that not every benefit claimant is a lying workshy scrounger

SootyShearwater · 09/03/2017 22:11

If you think the OP wanted sensible discussion then you must be very new to MN...

Been around for ages, actually. Just fed up with the fact that no sensible discussion can be had if the OP dares to mention the word benefits...

AwaywiththePixies27 · 09/03/2017 22:12

Yeah, didn't you know? Everything is the woman's fault. Even when she's getting the shit kicked out of her on a daily basis, she should remember that she could have prevented such a situation by looking in her crystal ball.

ShoutOutToMyEx love the username by the way! Smile yes I know. Was in a DV relationship myself. I've also done a bit of work in DV courts but my most memorable one was on a Monday morning when we were 'processing' the weekend arrests. The solicitor admirably stood there and kept his calm as he read off a very long charge sheet of offences the defendant committed, all of them the injuries one man had caused his 'dear' girlfriend. Poor lass. Imagine being told it was your own fault. Hmm

N.b yes I know domestic abuse happens to men too. I was just commenting because women had been particularly blamed.

SootyShearwater · 09/03/2017 22:13

*Why is it my job to steer the OP in to an intelligent discussion when that was clearly not her intention?

Why dont you try sooty instead of being the thread police and trying to pick apart my posts. Or are you not intelligent enough to do that and find it easier to do whatever it is you are doing on this thread.*

Not actually much interested in your posts, it was you who replied to my post. You can't say you're up for a sensible discussion when you make stupid posts like the one I highlighted though.

SootyShearwater · 09/03/2017 22:16

Or are you not intelligent enough to do that and find it easier to do whatever it is you are doing on this thread.

Oh, and calling into question other posters intelligence just because they don't agree with you, Sookies, is probably the last resort of the unintelligent Wink

SookiesSocks · 09/03/2017 22:16

Intrested enough to go back through the thread and copy & past my posts though weren't you Hmm

Maybe go back and check my very first post on this thread sooty as my sarcastic response which you are so fond of was in reply to a nasty idiotic post from the OP.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 09/03/2017 22:16

I know they are not cheap....certainly the type of tattoo which OP has described will be expensive

For £165 I'd want nothing less than a Cheryl arse to toe roses one myself Grin

nceccoli · 09/03/2017 22:17

How on earth can any policy or legislation make it safer to enter relationships? There should be better means to enable people to leave abusive relationships. But people do have to exercise some agency when entering relationships. One sensible solution is to wait to have children. Less chance of being trapped. Another is not to give up financial independence. Too many women willing to give up work. Even if you don't want a career, keep a job no matter how mundane and tedious. It will also help to keep a woman less isolated. None of these are foolproof of course. But it could help to reduce.

SookiesSocks · 09/03/2017 22:17

Yes sooty because true intelligence is marked by the ability to c & p Grin

Lweji · 09/03/2017 22:18

Did anyone say at any point that all on benefits are hapless victims?

And why point the finger at women who've been unfortunate to be victims of men, or unfortunate not to recognise the red flags? Perhaps they are hapless. Perhaps they don't have your intelectual and emotional maturity and could do with support.

Does it feel good to point fingers and not have solutions?

Dontactlikeyouknowme · 09/03/2017 22:19

I've seen 100s of threads like this on MN over the years.

Wind 'em up and watch 'em go threads. They don't deserve sensible discussion.

SookiesSocks · 09/03/2017 22:20

You are not disagreeing with me sooty you are telling me its my job to steer the thread towards a discussion.....thats just plain weird Confused

IvorHughJarrs · 09/03/2017 22:20

I agree that it is shit parenting rather than benefits that is the issue here. I work in an area of high deprivation where lots of people exist on low incomes and/or benefits and see this kind of selfishness regularly from people who think they deserve their "little treats" of cigarettes, alcohol or tattoos but how dare their children hope for anything more than the bare minimum

clairewilliams999 · 09/03/2017 22:22

Well I for one am glad that my tax money is paying for people who don't work to get tattoos. Seems pretty fair to me.

Dontactlikeyouknowme · 09/03/2017 22:27

Does anyone remember the benefit thread about the 'friend' who had a horse while on benefits.

Now that was a corker.

nceccoli · 09/03/2017 22:28

Lweji, I am just pointing out the fact that on every benefits thread several posters are quick to dismiss any questioning to entitlement and taking the piss with allegations of DM stereotyping and fail to see that they themselves are stereotyping in the opposite direction. The truth and profile of the benefits claimants probably include a mixture of both stereotypes to differing degrees.
Somehow that lead to accusations of me victim blaming and condoning domestic violence as an absolute.

Lweji · 09/03/2017 22:29

nceccoli

Women's Aid.
Volunteer, get trained on the Freedom Programme, work with women who've been abused and teach them about spotting early signs.
Support them in making the right choices for them and their children.

If you're that worried about this issue.

MajesticWhine · 09/03/2017 22:30

Sorry did not read full thread - but maybe the woman in question's best friend is a tattoo artist and she gets them for free?