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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my own mum when I'm ill?

73 replies

Skatingonthinice16 · 08/03/2017 08:42

I don't feel very well today, it's the first time I've been unwell since I had dd (14 months).

Dh wants MiL to come over for the day because she's bored at home. However I don't even feel like getting dressed and I just want my own mum. Also MiL has been saying for ages that she wished I'd be ill so she could have my daughter and that has annoyed me and made me feel like I don't want someone who is glad I'm ill around me when I'm feeling poorly.

I think it's normal to want your own mum. If dh was ill I can't see him wanting my mum here. He has got stroppy about it and says his mum would enjoy it.

Aibu?

OP posts:
IamFriedSpam · 08/03/2017 08:45

YANBU. You can host MiL another day when you're feeling well. If you're sick you want someone who you feel 100% comfortable around. I like my MiL but I wouldn't feel free to ask me to bring me chicken soup and toast or a lemsip like I would my mum. Why not arrange a date with DH when you're feeling better and ask MiL to babysit.

pipsqueak25 · 08/03/2017 08:46

of course his mum ill enjoy it, you're ill ! this is about you, get dm on the phone, get her round and nicely tell 'd'h to do one, sounds like mil has been on his case about this and no doubt he'll get ear bashed if you don't comply with her wishes, - tough- hope you feel better soon, Flowers

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 08/03/2017 08:48

She sees dd twice a week but always wants a turn at 'pretending dd is hers' so she prefers it if I'm not there.
Drives me mad.

OP posts:
notMarlene · 08/03/2017 08:49

Mmm. Well, if he was talking about MIL coming to collect DD and take her to her house for the day you'd BU. Having her round for the day is just odd and surely not much help.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 08/03/2017 08:51

Tell dh to drop your ironing basket with mil - stop her being bored. Then phone dm to come over and you chill out while nice granny takes over!!

notMarlene · 08/03/2017 08:51

x post. That'd really annoy me.

MatildaTheCat · 08/03/2017 08:52

Surely if she comes you stay in bed and leave her to it?

pipsqueak25 · 08/03/2017 08:59

matilda but mil wants op to be ill, why the heck would op want her anywhere near her let alone in her home whilst she is stuck in bed and mil is pretending [op's word] to be a mum again ?
stick to your guns op, let the grown ups sulk, it'll do them good, keep calm and call your mum !

knaffedoff · 08/03/2017 09:09

Sorry you are feeling ill, it sounds like your mil is eager to spend time with your daughter and she may want to feel needed whilst you are under the weather. If your mil is coming expecting cups of tea and entertaining, ynbu to say it's not a good time. On the other hand, if she can to entertain dd, make tea and crack on with ironing while I recovered in bed, I would definitely accept her help gratefully.

pipsqueak25 · 08/03/2017 09:24

op is your mum there yet or have you given up and accepted mil instead ? tbh if someone wished me to be ill i wouldn't want them in spitting distance,

AwaywiththePixies27 · 08/03/2017 12:15

Your mil wanted you to be ill so she could have DD? She sounds lovely! Confused

YNBU to want your own mum when you're ill. Most people do. Another one voting to tell your DH to jog on too. Hope you're feeling better soon Flowers

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2017 12:19

YANBU

But if you were posting that your DH was ill, and he wanted his Mum...

'Mum' would be changed to 'Mummy' and he would be absolutely ripped to shreds for being a 'Man child'.

I don't blame you not wanting her around though, after she said that.

someonestolemynick · 08/03/2017 12:26

Are you all 12? By all means have someone to look after your DC and you. Seeing as it's you being sick I wonder what your DH has to do with arranging help. But consider yourself lucky you have two people on call.
Learn to say no or, alternatively, to make your own arrangements.
You're a grown woman, FFS!

SapphireStrange · 08/03/2017 12:27

MIL has been saying for ages that she wished I'd be ill so she could have my daughter Hmm

What the actual fuck is it with MILs obsessed with having their grandchildren on their own?

Tell your DH to get over himself. Is he more concerned about his mum enjoying herself than about how you feel and what would help you?

Hope you feel better soon. Thanks

xStefx · 08/03/2017 12:32

What have you told your DH? hops she isn't driving you nuts as we speak.

ZilphasHatpin · 08/03/2017 12:33

What age are you?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 08/03/2017 12:34

Are you all 12?

No. I'm a single parent of two. The youngest with his own SNs. Pushing on through an illness landed me on a HDU ward last year so I've learnt to accept help when I need it.

Nothing wrong with wanting your Mum to help out when you're feeling like shit.

marthastew · 08/03/2017 12:38

My MIL does this. She even refers to herself as Mummy around our DC and sends me birthday cards saying 'Thank you for looking after my family'. Er, they are my family - my DC.

I liked the suggestion of sending her the ironing.

Hope you feel better soon.

welshmist · 08/03/2017 12:39

As a MIL, I take children away so Mum can get some peace, sleep, I will do shopping/cooking for her and return children/food/shopping when DS gets home. I hope that she does not resent that, she has never refused and appears happy for the help I am able to give.

sunshineandshow3rs · 08/03/2017 12:42

Really it sounds like you are cutting your nose off to spite your face.

If i was ill, and I had an offer of a day to myself, I would bite their hand off.

I wouldn't want someone lingering around the house, but I totally would accept a family member taking my daughter out for the day.

Instead you would rather mope about managing a child when you don't feel well instead of letting your MIL take your child off your hands?

sunshineandshow3rs · 08/03/2017 12:43

And wanting your mummy when you feel a bit unwell, as an adult, is cringey.

WigglyWooWorm · 08/03/2017 12:47

I'm so envious. Neither Mil or mother help at all. Ever here.
I often wonder why I struggle so much and forget that others have enough help to be batting it away!!

MrsDoylesladder · 08/03/2017 12:52

Wanting your mummy when you are at a low ebb, even when you are a grown up, is totally normal. Sorry to anyone who has a shit relationship with their mum.

welshmist · 08/03/2017 12:52

My Mother was about as useful as a chocolate teapot, totally self obsessed. I have never forgotten that, so try to be aware how hard it is to cope with children when you are ill hence me as a MIL doing what I can to make life easier for DILs. Perhaps that is where OPs MIL is coming from. I however, do not communicate through DS I contact DIL directly to ask how I can be of help.

Sunnysky2016 · 08/03/2017 12:54

Have her around, take yourself to bed and mumsnet! Hope you feel better soon Flowers

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