To want my own mum when I'm ill?

[Skatingonthinice16]

I don't feel very well today, it's the first time I've been unwell since I had dd (14 months).

Dh wants MiL to come over for the day because she's bored at home. However I don't even feel like getting dressed and I just want my own mum. Also MiL has been saying for ages that she wished I'd be ill so she could have my daughter and that has annoyed me and made me feel like I don't want someone who is glad I'm ill around me when I'm feeling poorly.

I think it's normal to want your own mum. If dh was ill I can't see him wanting my mum here. He has got stroppy about it and says his mum would enjoy it.

Aibu?

I'm remembering it all too now.

Vile woman.

She told you she hoped you would get ill so she could have your DD? That's dreadful.

QueenArseClangers:

I remember that one too!

Permanently, my mother died last year so , yes, I have to be a grown up to myself all the time.

I remember your previous posts. I don't know why you have anything to do with that vile woman and I wouldn't be allowing her have your DC either. She sounds toxic and your DC don't deserve to be around somebody like that. Your DH needs to grow a fucking pair. I would be going NC with her if that was my MIL - she's wishing you are unwell FFS! Fuck that - who needs enemies when you have her. Next time tell her to fuck off. No more unsupervised access. And you have a serious DH problem if he's encouraging this shit.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

What things does she say to your DS that you dislike? She sounds utterly awful. Where is your DP in all this? Supportive and watching your back or on 'her side' right under her thumb?

Or perhaps someone whose mother isn't around anymore or is just too elderly/ill and they just have to, you know, be a grown-up by themselves.

That's a nasty comment - OP's mum is around and apparently happy to help and she's happier to puke in front of her own mum compared to MiL with whom she doesn't get on well.

Honestly I don't think it matters whether it's your DH/mum/best friend/cousin. When you're feeling terrible it's not childish to want the support of someone you feel comfortable about. I'd want my DH because I'm not that close to my mum but OP wants her mum.

OP - my MIL has started calling my unborn baby "hers" and "how's my baby". Piss off, it ain't yours

Navy because his dad was looking after him and decided to go to his mums because she was lonely.

OP was ill herself with a very ill baby. Not really the time to be demanding your DH goes NC with his mum.

Yet again sounds like a DH issue rather than a MIL issue. It's just easier to blame her.

Or perhaps someone whose mother isn't around anymore or is just too elderly/ill and they just have to, you know, be a grown-up by themselves.

Imo, while I'm NOT too elderly/ill I like to try make DD & DSILs life a little easier when I can. Yes, one day I'm sure I won't be able to but why wouldn't you want your DD to be able to have a rest when they are ill knowing the DC are looked after.

And I think it's perfectly understandable that if you are sick and feeling vulnerable you want your own Mum.

Skating This whole wishing you were ill so she can have your DC to herself and same when your DD was in NICU is twisted. My DD is unwell at the moment and I feel awful that I might need to go down to help out. As much as I love looking after DGD, all I want is DD to feel better fast.

NavyandWhite You're being deliberately argumentative with OP. Unless OP is just lying it seems fairly obvious that her MiL is vile but her DH wants to remain in contact and brings their DS round to see her and even stayed with her while OP was in hospital with her premature baby.

I just thought given the hostility the OP feels towards her MIL why she wouldn't have asked her own mother to look after her Ds. She can't be that bad eh.

She didn't ask MiL to look after him. DS's father took him round. Are you the poster that always shows up to excuse the crazy MiL's? (I get on fine with my MiL and hope to be a MiL one day but no way would I behave like some of these crazies!)

So Navy you think because OP and MIL don't get on she should have banned her DH from getting support from his own mother while his wife and child were both very ill. Over Christmas. And should have insisted her mother help him out instead.

WTF?

And because like a normal reasonable person she didn't do that - because that would have been harsh and controlling - she has lost all right to ever complain of her MIL's treatment of her.

Again, WTF?

Mrsdoylesladder and the two who then decided to jump on the bandwagon (Heinousfauxpas and Ianfriedspam)

I said Or perhaps someone whose mother isn't around anymore or is just too elderly/ill and they just have to, you know, be a grown-up by themselves. in response to MrsD's comment about Wanting your mummy when you are at a low ebb, even when you are a grown up, is totally normal. Sorry to anyone who has a shit relationship with their mum.

In other words, I'm saying that it's not just those who have a shit relationship with their mums who don't get to call on mum when they are ill. Yeah, nasty old me.

Actually to be fair to Heinous, she didn't say it was nasty.

MrsDoyle I'm really sorry about your DM . My DM died 10 years ago so I know how heartbreaking it can feel to no longer have their presence in your life. I want to do what I can to help DD and family while I am able to. I don't think what you said is nasty at all and I wasn't trying to jump on anyone's bandwagon. Just that while it's possible, it's nice to be able to help out during illness/emergencies now my grown-up DC have their own family.

Sorry I think my last post was supposed to be more in reply to Permanently more than MrsDoyle. I'm really sorry if your DM is either too ill or elderly to help out Permanently. It's bloody tough. Your comment wasn't nasty and I know it's not just people who have not so great relationships with their DM who have to do all the 'adulting' even when they themselves are sick/exhausted etc and would really appreciate a bit of help. Again, it's why I want to help DD while I'm relatively fit and able.

I don't like anyone around when I'm ill. My mam is miles away and anyway is muchos overbearing and cringey sickly sweet, can't be doing with it.

I am led to believe normal people with normal mums like it though so on that basis no YANBU to want your mum I guess shrugs