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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my own mum when I'm ill?

73 replies

Skatingonthinice16 · 08/03/2017 08:42

I don't feel very well today, it's the first time I've been unwell since I had dd (14 months).

Dh wants MiL to come over for the day because she's bored at home. However I don't even feel like getting dressed and I just want my own mum. Also MiL has been saying for ages that she wished I'd be ill so she could have my daughter and that has annoyed me and made me feel like I don't want someone who is glad I'm ill around me when I'm feeling poorly.

I think it's normal to want your own mum. If dh was ill I can't see him wanting my mum here. He has got stroppy about it and says his mum would enjoy it.

Aibu?

OP posts:

SapphireStrange · 08/03/2017 12:54

My MIL does this. She even refers to herself as Mummy around our DC and sends me birthday cards saying 'Thank you for looking after my family'

That's unhinged. Have you/your DH told her to fucking stop it?

Original poster

Skatingonthinice16 · 08/03/2017 12:55

It's not wanting mummy. It's more that I'm not dressed and was being sick. I don't feel comfortable with MiL being around for that! I'm not contagious by the way. It isn't a vomiting bug. On top of that I'm a type 1 diabetic so being sick messes me up a bit. I'd rather have someone about on the offchance I pass out...never happened yet but it's hard to treat a low blood sugar when you are sick.

Anyway I'm feeling quite a lot better now. My mum popped over with some migralieve and now I can see my phone to type again and sit up without being sick.

Thank you for the well wishes.

OP posts:

Permanentlyexhausted · 08/03/2017 12:57

Perhaps if you allowed MIL to occasionally have DD on her own, she wouldn't need to hope that you get ill.

I mean, seriously - how will you feel in 20-30 years time when you are viewed with so much contempt and suspicion that you're considered weird for wanting to spend time alone with your grandchildren? Without a doubt you'll be offended and will probably be on Gransnet whining about your weird daughters and sons in law.

Original poster

Skatingonthinice16 · 08/03/2017 13:00

Yeah well after she was glad my daughter was prem and on a ventilator in intensive care so that she got my son over Christmas relations have soured a little I'm afraid. Anyone that can be glad a baby was 7 weeks early so they got to 'play santa' and have a 'wonderful Christmas' can get lost.

OP posts:

Permanentlyexhausted · 08/03/2017 13:02

MrsDoylesladder Wanting your mummy when you are at a low ebb, even when you are a grown up, is totally normal. Sorry to anyone who has a shit relationship with their mum.

Or perhaps someone whose mother isn't around anymore or is just too elderly/ill and they just have to, you know, be a grown-up by themselves.

nursebickypegs · 08/03/2017 13:04

I always want my mum when I'm sick, and I'm 31. When I broke my leg last year my MIL was demanding to come up to care for me, I said no (and I'd rather put pins in my eyes)

HateSummer · 08/03/2017 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

gamerchick · 08/03/2017 13:08

If i was ill, and I had an offer of a day to myself, I would bite their hand off

Bloody right.

Still it must be nice to be able to be choosy over people caring for you when you're ill. I wouldn't want my mother or mil anywhere near me when I'm ill but take the kids away? I'm all over that

nursebickypegs · 08/03/2017 13:09

special award for hatesummer

WatchHowISoar · 08/03/2017 13:15

She sounds like a lovely person if she was glad your baby was poorly! It doesn't matter what other people would like, your families relationships are different from others. If someone was glad my baby was poorly or wished I was, I'd be telling them to Fuck off.

How did your dh react if your Mil said she was glad about your poorly baby?

Batteriesallgone · 08/03/2017 13:15

God I hate competitive misery.

OP you're not being unreasonable. Glad you're feeling better

Original poster

Skatingonthinice16 · 08/03/2017 13:17

Well hatesummer we all have different crosses to bear don't we?
Personally if my mum is happy to come over to help me I don't see a problem with it. It only happens extremely rarely. It's been years. And guess what? If she was ill I'd help her if she needed it.

OP posts:

SapphireStrange · 08/03/2017 13:18

Grow up fgs. So pathetic

Foul comment, HateSummer. Shame on you.

Original poster

Skatingonthinice16 · 08/03/2017 13:19

Dh said she was just tactless and loved having a child in the house over Christmas. Well he was there two weeks actually, since luckily for MiL dd was in NICU and then special care.
However she's said it numerous times so I don't think it's tactless. I think it is spiteful. I've told her to stop but that is her attitude I'm afraid. How things benefit her. Hence the hoping I'm ill.

OP posts:

shippysail · 08/03/2017 13:23

I've never felt the need to have my mum around when I'm ill...doesn't mean I have a shit relationship with my mum, just that I'm an adult now.

Op you obviously have issues with your mil, which you are drip feeding , we are not mind readers.

On the surface of it yabu, but only you know the history with you and your mil.

shippysail · 08/03/2017 13:25

Oh and whilst your mils comments while your dc was in scbu are inconsiderate at best you need to look at it from the other side a bit and be greatful that you have family willing to help.

Derlei · 08/03/2017 13:25

Oh I can relate to this.

I had a colposcopy yesterday and blocked out being at the hospital for 3 hours as they advise you to. I know it's routine but I had been worrying about it for weeks. I only wanted my mum to look after DS as I didn't want to tell anyone else that I was going for it, DH kept saying "just get my mum to come over", I was like no! Like any normal person, she'd wonder why I was going to the hospital for 3 hours, I can't just say it was nothing, and I don't want to tell her the real reason as it's personal. DH just didn't understand that

Original poster

Skatingonthinice16 · 08/03/2017 13:25

No and if I wasn't looking after a toddler I wouldn't have needed any help. I'd have just gone back to bed until it went.

OP posts:

welshmist · 08/03/2017 13:29

Can I ask where was your DM then?

Batteriesallgone · 08/03/2017 13:30

I don't understand people who say 'be grateful you have help' from nasty people. I wouldn't want my children looked after by someone cruel and selfish. Certainly wouldn't be grateful for it.

My mum is a bitch who revels in competitive misery and poisonous remarks. So we barely see her. Certainly she'd be pretty low on the list of people I'd want minding my children (just scraping in above 'leave them alone and hope they don't burn the house down').

Original poster

Skatingonthinice16 · 08/03/2017 13:30

Dh and ds both went and lived at mil's whilst I was in hospital with dd.

She said she was disappointed when we were discharged

OP posts:

shippysail · 08/03/2017 13:33

batteries obviously the mil can't be that nasty to her gc or op wouldn't have let her son stay there for 2 weeks surely?

Original poster

Skatingonthinice16 · 08/03/2017 13:36

No choice. I was in hospital at the time. I was very ill and dd was very ill.
I don't think she's dangerous to my dc. I just don't like her behaviour around controlling them and pretending they are hers.
I also don't like some of the things she says to them - particularly ds.

OP posts:

Batteriesallgone · 08/03/2017 14:25

It's obvious OP had little choice. Her DH was hardly in a position to be either refusing to see his family or trying to 'do' Christmas for his son on his own.

I don't think such an extraordinary situation means anything particularly tbh. They all got through it however they could.

QueenArseClangers · 08/03/2017 14:33

I remember your posts about your twatty MIL OP.
Didn't she say her DH, who had died, had answered her prayers as she didn't want to be lonely at Christmas by ' making sure your baby was prem and in hospital thus enabling your DH and son to spend Xmas at her house'?

I'd never forget or forgive her selfishness, insensitivity and general cuntishness.

Get well soon OP

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