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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this isn't pandering unnecessarily to my DC??

83 replies

JoandMax · 07/03/2017 13:31

Background - we moved to a new country nearly 8 weeks ago. Moved into our house 4.5 weeks ago, pretty much unpacked but a few bits and pieces to buy/do still.

The garden is a mix of paved and grassed areas and a good size for the area we live in (gardens are generally small).

My parents Skyped and wanted to see the house so showed them and the garden and they asked about outside furniture. I said we are planning on it but so far just been getting house sorted and kids settled in a new school etc. Then I mentioned we will probably get the garden changed anyway as at the moment the main paved area for tables/chairs is smack bang in the middle which doesn't really suit us. DC are 6 and 8 and love football, running around, making obstacle courses so use the garden far more than us! I explained a table right in the middle would be a pain so we'd more than likely grass the current area over and make a bit at the edge/side for a table.

I then get told I'm pandering to the DC and making everything revolve around them, why should the garden suit them when it would 'look better' the way it currently is. They are big gardening fans but I'm not. As long as it's neat and tidy and space to play that's all I'm bothered by!!

They're coming to visit in a few weeks and I know it will be brought up again. I'm NU am I?? And how best to put a short sharp stop to the inevitable comments?!!!

OP posts:

AlmostAJillSandwich · 07/03/2017 13:33

"It's my property, me doing the work, so its my choice"

Bantanddec · 07/03/2017 13:34

Maybe you are maybe you aren't but it's really not their place to say!!

TimeforANewTwatName · 07/03/2017 13:36

"Well it's not your garden, so i'll do with it as I see fit, and makes me happy"

Soubriquet · 07/03/2017 13:37

Hah they will hate me then. I AM redesigning the garden JUST for the kids.

Yanbu

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 07/03/2017 13:37

None of their business. Surely most gardens have the patio/decking/paving to one side anyway? We designed ours that way to leave the garden as open as possible for other uses and we hadn't even had our dc yet!

Justmuddlingalong · 07/03/2017 13:37

My house, my rules.

xStefx · 07/03/2017 13:40

No your being a good mum and creating a FAMILY HOME
Your parents attitude sounds a bit 1950's but then again that's probably when they were born!!

My response would be to overly pander while they are visiting.. lol (cos im a bit evil like that )

LadyDeGrump · 07/03/2017 13:41

Having a garden that your children can enjoy is really valuable - a place for them to let off steam, spend time with their friends, limited / no supervision from you needed as they get older, fewer trips to the park (needing you to ferry or supervise), great opportunities for exercise. Who gives a fuck if it is pandering to them?! If you were "pandering" to them by giving them two rooms each so you had to sleep in the hallway, or never went out as a couple because they didnt like it, or never got to use the garden yourself, then yes I would see the point. But it isn't. It is eminently sensible.

NavyandWhite · 07/03/2017 13:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kikibo · 07/03/2017 13:43

It would be unreasonable pandering, IMO, if you bent over backwards and denied yourself things in order to suit your children. From where I'm sitting, I would consider moving that seating area too for the simple reason that I can just see you, DH and maybe some company sitting there, being bothered by playing children running literally around them, or even worse, getting their drinks knocked over because DCs want to play football. You couldn't even get angry with them, because they can't control a football after all.

Each their own space, IMO, also in the garden. Moving that place would be so much better for everyone, whatever anyone else might say.

jellyshoeswithdiamonds · 07/03/2017 13:44

Our back garden belongs to the dog , it was the kids they've outgrown a garden to play in so its now the dogs.

Original poster

JoandMax · 07/03/2017 13:44

Thanks all, I can be assertive to most people but always revert back to the child/parent dynamic with them.

They are obsessed over gardens, I've asked them if they were bothered when they were my age and we were young kids but they never give a straight answer........ Overall they're great GPs though so I shouldn't complain but I know it will drive me to the gin when they're here!

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/03/2017 13:52

How on earth are your plans for the garden 'pandering' ? You want to make the space more useable. A paved area in the middle of a garden sounds a bit weird TBH. Surely if it's for eating, you don't want to cart everything half-way down the garden? Mine is just outside the back door, so I can move things between garden and kitchen more easily. I thought that was the 'normal' arrangement?

Floggingmolly · 07/03/2017 14:00

No, you're not. Gardens are for kids.

DeleteOrDecay · 07/03/2017 14:00

YANBU, sounds perfectly sensible to me even without dc.

RedSauce · 07/03/2017 14:03

Why put the paved area in the middle if you can have it at the edge AND have a usable space for the kids. It's just logical and win-win. Your parents are being ridiculous.

Original poster

JoandMax · 07/03/2017 14:04

It's an odd setup, the garden is at back of the house but kitchen is at front of the house so to take stuff out you either have to go through hall into lounge/diner and out the doors or through office/playroom which also has doors. The paved bit is in between the 2 doors. We would only ever go through playroom so plan was to have paved bit there and rest for playing/grass space.

OP posts:

morningconstitutional2017 · 07/03/2017 14:05

"I'm not pandering to the kids, I'm pandering to me. Stop obsessing about it, it's my garden. More tea?"

EminemTickets · 07/03/2017 14:13

If they're not gonna be living there it's not them you have to please or for it to work out for. Practicality needs to come before visual effect in this situation presumably. Pandering is a strange description for wanting to make the garden useable to your dc

PointxTaken · 07/03/2017 14:14

pandering to your kids is cooking 4 or 5 different meals because they don't like the first one. Giving them a nice play area in the garden is being a parent! I can't think of anything worst than having a show garden where kids are not allowed to even play.

Your house, your rules! Your parents are being silly.

MrsNuckyThompson · 07/03/2017 14:18

I don't think this is pandering.

I do a lot of things for my DC which is partly for their benefit or enjoyment BUT it also makes my life easier. This seems to me to be one of those things. Yes, they'll benefit from the increased lawn space to run around but you'll also benefit from not having stuff on the table knocked over all the time, and them having more ability to play outside and tire themselves out. Win win in my book.

BeMorePanda · 07/03/2017 14:18

You parent would prefer you pander to and make everything revolve around them instead

Whatsername17 · 07/03/2017 14:28

You are allowed to pander to your kids. Practice saying 'thanks but we are going to do it our way'.

Northend77 · 07/03/2017 14:29

I redesigned the entire back half of our garden into a play area for our DC but my parents loved it and thought it was a great idea. They don't even have a right to comment on YOUR garden and what you do with it!!!

Foldedtshirt · 07/03/2017 14:44

They want bragging rights for their friends. An under 50yo who gardens is as rare as hens teeth. You watch olds sizing each other up, and they'll talk about their dcs gardens, and then faux modestly drop in the gardener or even more of a coup if it's lovely but you have the time and interest to do it yourself.

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