About DH just sucking the joy out of everything?

[ShimmyOhoh]

Over the past, I'd say, 7 or 8 years, DH has got progressively more and more moody, less tolerant, less caring about the DCs and I, and also is getting more and more selfish.

He seems to be in bad moods/cross about everything, all the time! If he's tired, he gets moody, if he's fed up about something work related he's moody, if the kids or the pets do anything naughty he's moody, if he has to do anything he doesn't want to do he's moody.

It's all come to a bit of a head as I've had a stomach bug all weekend and he's been absolutely vile to us all; sulking, moody, banging around and just a total misery. I have tried to do as much as I can but have felt pretty rough and could have done without his snapping, huffing, and banging around like a spoilt child. I am still feeling pretty rough today and he just phoned me before he left work to come home and asked if I was better and I said yes a bit but still not great and I could tell on the phone that his mood changed at the drop of a hat and that he's not happy with me!

He never seems to enjoy doing anything at all unless it's something he's chosen to do. If we go out for dinner with his friends and their wives he's fine, all chatty and jovial, but if we do anything that involves meeting my friends he's grumpy and uncommunicative, then will pick an argument with me on the way home or when we get home. I try to have fun and laughs with the kids, but again he won't really join in with those and just sits watching his own thing on telly. If we go on any fun days out to theme parks or to the beach or anything like that he spoils the day with his bad mood. We've even been on holidays where he's been moody and grumpy for the whole holiday!

If I tackle him on his bad moods he then gets angry with me and won't talk to me as I've apparently got a bad attitude and am having a go at him! He will also say/do things that are bound to upset me or hurt me and when I tackle him he'll deny saying them, or say I'm oversensitive, or say something like "Does it really matter what was said? Why are you making a big deal and trying to cause an argument".

I really feel this weekend that I've had enough of it all. I am doped up to the fucking eyeballs on antidepressants but I do often feel that it's his moods and angriness that gets me down and makes me think I'm depressed.

The worst of it is he's the life and soul when out with HIS FRIENDS - how bloody contemptuous is that. Bin him off lady. Your kids will thank you for it, far from blaming you they'll come alive and so will you.

My DH went through a phase like this - the kids and I were treading on eggshells all the time, and his mood dictated everyone else's mood. It was all stress based with him, due to being self-employed. We split up for 6 months, and it was a massive reality check for both of us. He's an awful lot better now, he does some exercise which really helps with his stress levels from work. And I can truthfully say to him your mood is sinking, please do something about it without him taking massive issue. I think you honestly need to sit him down and say you can't and won't live like this anymore and some time apart so you can both re-evaluate would be sensible.

Your kids may blame you for splitting up the family but you can soon explain that it was their father's actions that left you no choice as them and you do not deserve to live in a toxic atmosphere. Staying for them is unfair as it puts pressure on them but it's also silly as it isn't for their benefit they grow up in this mess.

I would bet an awful, awfull lot that you could come off your ADs once you are settled without him. The life you describe sounds exhausting and draining.
Looking after the kids alone will be a breeze without wondering what mood is about to walk through the door.

Your husband sounds pretty miserable. Why not speak to him about it? Tell him he seems unhappy and that it's making you unhappy, and that maybe splitting up would be for the best. Maybe he'll agree.

summerholsdreamin's post is a great example of why honest communication with your partner is almost always the most sensible option. In this case it's unlikely to make things any worse, is it? If he's not interested in changing and improving things, then leave him.

I had one of these too. We're in the process of splitting and yes i feel bad and guilty with the children but i also feel such a sense of relief that no key will sound in the door and a black cloud will enter.

He is also much better with the kids now. Disney dad yep but it's better than the faceache they had to put up with before

He sounds like my mother. I will also admit I have to remind myself to not be so doom and gloom. But the biggest difference is that if my DH points this out I apologise and try shift though patterns, sometimes it's very difficult to do that though.

Eventually my mum dragged my dad down with her and now they are finally at the point of separating, something us 'kids' had been hoping for as pre teens, because my mum can't cope with dear old dad being so miserable all the time.

Escape while your kids are still happy.

Presumably, they will eventually be old enough to refuse to visit if he is still grumpy with them.

Have you thought about family counselling - even if ultimately you want it to help you and your DC understand and get through your divorce.

My husband used to behave like this.

Our decree nisi was pronounced 10 days ago...

Tbh after 20 years it was more exhausting and miserable to stay in the relationship than to go through the trauma of divorcing. His behaviour was also beginning to have a serious impact on DD and was quite aggressive a lot of the time.

DD and I are currently living with my elderly parents whilst the divorce goes through and the house is sold as neither of us can afford to buy the other out. It's bloody hard going in all sorts of ways but I finally feel like my life and future are my own.

Not something to go into lightly, but if you do think it might be the right decision for you, don't let the very understandable fear of change/the unknown put you off.

So positive to hear tales of the relief of other posters when they split with their DHs. Part of me rightly or wrongly, was too scared to leave because in my head that would be worse than the bad moods.

Reading this thread shows that actually life is so much better. Certainly gives me hope.

OP, set this miserable git free, and claw your life back.
Your children will decide for themselves, whether or not they want to spend time with their Father. You on the other hand, will be a joy to be around, as your Husband is slowly sucking the very life out of you, and they will notice.
Don't think about it, do it, you won't regret it ! 💐

Is he still moody when he wants sex?

Everyone deserves happiness OP and its sounds like you are long overdue some. You could be with someone loving and affectionate, who makes you laugh and takes care of you when you're ill. I hope you leave him and find that person.

Tell him he is miserable to be around.. You're sick of his shitty attitude and if he doesn't change you're going to LTB.

I haven't read the whole thread, but many people seem to be very quick to say leave him. This is a massive decision to make that will impact hugely on your life and your kids' lives; surely it's worth trying talking properly to him first? If he's not listening to you at home, you could try couples counselling. My husband used to be in a bad mood all the time and I recognised a lot of what you said in your original post. We had many, many talks about it (read flaming rows!) as I tried to make him understand that it was so unfair to be taking his bad mood out on everyone else, and (key bit) to understand what was making him so bad-tempered in the first place. We did get there in the end. What helped was finding out that he was really unhappy in his job, and agreeing to him changing it (taking a 1/3 pay cut in the process) - this made a massive difference. I also said that I refused to have kids with someone who would make their lives miserable; I think he realised that he didn't want to be that kind of Dad. A bit of self-awareness might really help, particularly if he realises what he's doing to your kids; he might suddenly get it and you can make a plan together to improve things. Good luck!

I had one of these as well. If he didn't want to do it, he would complain and moan so much it would spoil it. Or pick a fight so we'd come home early. We once went round to his parents for dinner. He didn't want to go, can't remember why, so when we got there, he went and had a lie down in the spare room until it was time to go. His mum was .
So I started doing stuff on my own with DCs. I'd plan a day trip somewhere. When he started moaning I'd say 'ok, stay home and I'll go with the dcs'. Course he'd still be a miserable arse when we got back but at least we'd had a nice day out.

He is also much better with the kids now. Disney dad yep but it's better than the faceache they had to put up with before. Mine too.

Has he had a blood pressure check ? Might be worth checking there isn't a slowly fulminating cause to increased grumpiness.