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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving the kids there

322 replies

cheeeeselover · 05/03/2017 16:39

More of a WWYD I suppose. I have a weekend booked at centerparcs for me and the kids it's for a Friday to Monday. Kids are 14,13 and 11.

I have the Friday and Monday booked off work but have been asked to attend a meeting on Sunday evening. I work about 45 minutes from centerparcs so easy to nip back for the meeting.

Would it unreasonable to leave the kids at centerparcs instead of dragging then with me? They are all good swimmers and very responsible and when we are there they always set off swimming earlier than me and I join them later on. I'd be away from about 5pm to 8.30pm . I would leave them the villa key and money to get themselves a pizza and they can leave the pool when they are ready and go back to the villa. I'm sure they would prefer this than being dragged from their holiday to sit outside a meeting.

They have been left at home for this length of time before and no problems. My only concern is that I'll be 45 minutes away and not sure if I'd even be allowed to leave them there if I had left the holiday village.

What would you do?

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 06/03/2017 10:26

No wonder there's threads on here about mollycoddled 18 year olds that cant take care of pets for a couple of days and who refuse to get a job, when people are shitting their pants about leaving a 14 year old for a couple of hours on a holiday park.

Asking an 18-year-old to feed a cat in her own house.

Asking a 14-year to be responsible for 2 younger siblings away from home.

Yeah, not seeing the parallels.

Dearlittleflo · 06/03/2017 10:31

In the villa with a film and a pizza, plus a phone and numbers to call- absolutely fine. I wouldn't think twice.

Also completely understand your reasons for wanting to be involved with the new client- seems completely reasonable and normal.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 06/03/2017 10:38

I can see why the situation would give people pause but some of the ridiculous scaremongering on this thread defies belief.

I can just imagine the OP saying to her fellow partners "sorry I can't make this crucial meeting but I am worried my kids will be mentally scared by this loss of precious family time and what if I were involved in an RTA on the journey?"

allchattedout · 06/03/2017 10:38

That is nonsense - as I said above, I worked as a senior associate for an international law firm. Yes - it wouldn't be looked upon well to ditch a meeting. However if you could not arrange childcare, not even them most psychopathic partners (and I've worked for a few) would expect you to leave your children unattended

No, but as you say, it would not be looked on well to ditch a meeting, which was my point. They would not tell you you HAD to attend the meeting, but the crucial point is that it would not be looked on well and in the future, they might give the client to someone who COULD attend meetings etc (which I think is wrong, but it's a reality). I know very few women in corporate law who have stuck at the job long-term while the kids are small because it is very very incompatible with family life.

Anyway, I digress. These are teenagers (and one pre-teen). They will be fine. And centreparcs agree. Leaving a 14 year old for a few hours is really not the same as leaving a 4 year old. Even if someone broke their arm, the press would not care, seeing as there are 14 year olds having children themselves in this country.

pinkish · 06/03/2017 10:42

I think I'd just do it OP and stress about it all the way. And I'd probably give my kids a list of unnecessary instructions to make myself feel better.

With mine I would take the youngest with me but that's because I can't trust her to behave with the oldest.

allchattedout · 06/03/2017 10:43

Asking an 18-year-old to feed a cat in her own house. Asking a 14-year to be responsible for 2 younger siblings away from home. Yeah, not seeing the parallels

I do. Plenty of 14 year olds babysit away from home and babysit much younger children than 11 and 13. When I was 14, I looked after a 4 and 6 year old 20 miles away from my own home and stayed overnight as the parents were out late. It was in the middle of nowhere but it was fine because I had essential numbers and I was sensible and calm and would have phoned 999 or the parents, depending on the problem. Luckily I never had to. If your 14 year old cannot be trusted to watch his/her siblings for a short while on a holiday, when precisely will he/she acquire the maturity and confidence in order to be able to do it at 18? It doesn't just magically come to you when you reach majority.

itsmine · 06/03/2017 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 06/03/2017 10:53

Good decision OP and pleased that posting helped you work out the best solution for you. It's hard when you're a single parent. I agree with getting them takeaway and leaving them in the villa with a film or two. You said your kids were understanding so I think they will totally get that they need to help out by being well behaved and not silly. I think the pool or activities are different though if you're just in the villa vs being 45mins off site. Your kids seem sensible and used to being left together, so I'm sure this is the best thing for you. Hope the meeting goes well.

allchattedout · 06/03/2017 10:54

Yes it's an everyday thing round here

I did not say it was. There were a couple of teen pregnancies at my school though.... Probably not the kids whose parents took them to centreparcs.... I was making the point in relation to potential press interest if one of the kids were injured. In the real world, where there are instances of teen pregnancies and teen criminals, a 14 year old being left in charge at a holiday park while his mum pops to a meeting temporarily is really not going to cause public moral outrage to the extent that some people on here seem to believe.

Frazzled2207 · 06/03/2017 11:29

I wouldn't let them in the pool - just because of of the slightly higher risk of some kind of incident, but given they're trustworthy I think leaving them in the villa with a film and food is best scenario.

But I think your employers are U to expect you do this.

SoupDragon · 06/03/2017 11:38

Plenty of 14 year olds babysit away from home and babysit much younger children than 11 and 13. When I was 14, I looked after a 4 and 6 year old 20 miles away from my own home and stayed overnight as the parents were out late

And you can see the difference between a family home and a large holiday complex...?

KoalaDownUnder · 06/03/2017 11:41

And you can see the difference between a family home and a large holiday complex...?

This is what I'm thinking, Soup.

SoupDragon · 06/03/2017 11:41

It's like justifying your children playing by a main road with them paying in a cul de sac.

Do I actually think they are at a huge risk at centre parks?
Would I do it myself? No. There are too many variables for my liking
Would I leave them at home? Yes, no question.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 06/03/2017 11:41

itsmine - I said some of the scaremongering posts were ridiculous, not that everyone who said they personally wouldn't do it was crazy.

Yes it's a judgement call and I can see why people would feel instinctively uncomfortable about it. It's just the ludicrous "what if?"s that inevitably pop up on threads like this that are absurd.

KoalaDownUnder · 06/03/2017 11:43

Soup - agreed.

babybubblescomingsoon · 06/03/2017 11:45

Pizza in villa, yes, swimming ? No. All it takes is one child to bang head and go underwater for the others to panic and not act in time, unlikely but worrying still Sad

Rainbowsockstoday · 06/03/2017 11:48

Ha ha ha! You go to your meeting OP and then enjoy the rest of your holiday. You've clearly got sensible children you can trust and who know how to look after each other. The fact is you're going to work and it's teaching your children what responsibility is.

If this was a post saying "I'm meeting up with some mates for drinks and leaving my kids alone 45mins away" then it would be slightly different because it's not really necessary and a bit unfair. But it's work! I don't know you OP but I'm pretty sure given the choice you wouldn't be going if you didn't have to 😆

As others have said there are kids of 14 all across the country going to other people's houses to look after other people's children for much longer hours. Do you think those parents are worried and stressing? No of course not they're out having dinner whilst their kids are probably running their babysitter crazy not going to bed! This lady is asking about leaving siblings together for a few hours.

I was looking after my baby sister at 10yr old when my parents went out on a Friday night. She was only a year old and much easier to look after than my six year old brother. You wouldn't dream of it now but it was the done thing once upon a time!

Bubbinsmakesthree · 06/03/2017 11:56

Pizza in villa, yes, swimming ? No. All it takes is one child to bang head and go underwater for the others to panic and not act in time, unlikely but worrying still

But OP has already said she's happy for them to go off to the pool on their own if she were at the villa. Unless she's by their side acting as their personal lifeguard at all times it makes little difference whether you're 5 minutes away or 45 minutes away for all the use you'd be in that situation.

Obviously if something catastrophic were to happen you'd want to be there as soon as possible but it doesn't make any difference at all to the likelihood of it happening unless you're actively supervising, which most people think is rather OTT for three teens.

heron98 · 06/03/2017 11:59

I think this is absolutely fine. Surely you'd leave them alone at home so this is no different. And I am sure they are capable of going swimming alone.

Original poster
cheeeeselover · 06/03/2017 12:06

It's like justifying your children playing by a main road with them paying in a cul de sac.

A slightly weird comparison. I am not quite sure what you expect to happen to them in a villa as opposed to a house.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 06/03/2017 12:08

Obviously if something catastrophic were to happen you'd want to be there as soon as possible but it doesn't make any difference at all to the likelihood of it happening

Buu why does it have to be about something 'catastrophic'?

The issue is that there's no adult fot recourse. We take my nieces and nephews to a beachside resort and let them play on a jetty (pier), supervised by the 14-year-old.

The difference is that we're 5 minutes away on a balcony if, say, a kid hurts themselves. Or an older group of teens bothers them. Or Or any other reason they just need some adult (ie someone older than 14) intervention.

There is no comparison between that and the nearest adult they can call upon being 45 minutes away by car. In my mind, anyway.

alltouchedout · 06/03/2017 12:11

IDK, really. Would CP be ok with you leaving them unsupervised on site whilst you were off? I know they can be at the pool without you from 8, but that assumes you are elsewhere on site and can come easily to them in an emergency. I think I'd ask the CP staff.

itsmine · 06/03/2017 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BirdInTheRoom · 06/03/2017 12:40

Has anyone even asked the client if it is possible to have the meeting at a different time? Is it completely impossible to change?

If not and you absolutely have to go, I think I would be just about comfortable leaving them in the villa, but would be very uneasy about swimming. Surely they don't need to go swimming that particular evening?

Bubbinsmakesthree · 06/03/2017 13:20

Buu why does it have to be about something 'catastrophic'?

Well I was going to add that what is more likely than a catastrophe is that something minor happens that would cause the kids to want to come find you.

But presuming that OP is happy for the kids to be at home alone whilst she's at work or take themselves off independently for a trip into town there are lots of occasions when she is likely to be leaving them in supervised when she's not round the corner.

Generally we overplay the risks involved in unfamiliar settings and underplay those involved in those we know well. Having an accident or getting harassed by other teenagers are at least as likely to happen on home turf.