to think that visiting time is visiting time

[wherethewildrosesgrow]

I'm 37 weeks pregnant, due for induction next Tues 5pm (week38)........I've already had two requests for visitors on the Weds morning & afternoon, FOR FUCKS SAKE...........I understand that everyone is keen to see the new baby....but really?? I might not have even had the baby by then ( I hope I have), the main problem I have is that visiting time is 3-5pm & 6.30-8pm, and the in laws are expecting me to 'have a word' with the midwives, so they can be allowed in on Weds at 9am (assuming I HAVE given birth), only partners with the babies sibling are allowed in at 9am, and the in laws are fully expecting to be let in as well, saying 'its only us' and 'we are the grandparents after all'.....my own parents are also expecting to be let in at around 12pm, as they have an appointment in the same town as the birthing hospital, which is a considerable drive from their house, so they don't want to hang around for hours between their own appointment and the start of visiting, or drive all the way back.
My answer to them both is no, just no
my partner thinks I'm being unreasonable, and it wouldn't hurt to let them in just for a few mins
But I want that time from 9am to be our time, just us, me partner and our 2 older children, the babies 2 older siblings, together just the 5 of us. Its a time we will not get back again.
I think that visiting time is visiting time, if the midwives let one set of in laws in, they would have to let everybody's visitors in...the place would be bedlam.
I've told them clearly that they will not be allowed in, message doesn't seem to be sinking in.....my first birth was late afternoon, so everyone managed to visit the same evening, my second was at midnight and mother in law managed to sneak in at 9am the next morning behind another dad visiting his new born, she was quickly told that it was not general visiting time, but not til after she'd managed a sneaky hold of the baby. I also don't plan on giving everyone the details of the baby until our elder 2 children know first, I think they should be the first to know if the have a new baby brother or sister, so if I give birth in the middle of the night, everyone will just get a call or a text saying 'baby is here more details to follow once 1& 2 know'.....also with both my other 2 children, as we have been discharged from hospital, I have been met on the doorstep of our home by my sis in law,who has driven 150 miles to visit the newborns....another time I think is very special and a private occasion. ........am I just being pregnant and grumpy like my partner suggests ?

Good luck. My MiL turned up whilst I was still in my delivery room it was fucking awful.

I've always felt that hospital staff have enforced visiting times for their own convenience rather than the comfort of patients, but in this instance YANBU. I don't know what the obsession with visiting newly born babies and their exhausted mothers in hospital is. Why can't they wait until you're home and have had a chance to partially recover from the experience?

weeelll, I went in on tues as planned, only to be sent home on arrival, due to a busy labour ward, asked to come back 8am the next day, was called at 7am and asked to leave it til 2pm....got in at 2pm, set up on monitors at 8pm, given gel, checked again at midnight, was told I was ready to have waters broken, only still no beds on labour ward....place was finally available at 2pm the next day (14 hours later) after that labour was just 1 hour long....visitors were not informed of the birth til late that evening, after visiting had finished, my partner drove home, and brought the eldest 2 to meet the new sibling at 9am, this alerted the whole fucking world, within the hour visitors were trying their luck, were sent away by pre warned staff...3pm visiting hours commence, in laws were first in, after an hour my parent turned up, staff made everyone aware that it is strictly 2 visitors per bed, mother in law, had a huge tantrum that she was there first, my own mother said she would come back in a little while, looking a little tearful, another half hour later, with only half hour left of visiting,she showed no sign of going, so partner asked her to 'make a bit of room' for the other grandparents, cue another tantrum, but promptly left failing to inform my mother as she passed the café she was waiting in, as directed by husband ( spiteful), I've seen her in a completely different light, and have changed my opinion on her now.
sis in law, could not get the time off work anymore due to my change of appointment, and had to wait until the weekend, cue another huge tantrum, she turned up at 10am sat morning as we were out for a walk, and took great offence to the fact that we were showing our passing neighbours the newborn, I asked her what would she have me do, cover the newborn when out in public a la Michael Jackson style ??, and just asked her to leave, and come back another day in a better temperament, not heard from either party since, so we are enjoyed our time alone with lovely new addition, our family is now complete

This whole thing was completely over the top, you were in hospital for what a day? Fuck me.

Congrats on your new arrival

I'm just sorry that other people have caused you so much unnecessary stress.

Bloody hell. Are they always such hard work? Good job they live miles away.

Congratulations by the way. Was it a boy or a girl?

It's all about the me-me-me. Not about the woman or the baby. Just about them. Their need to be the first, or post on FB about being the first.

Back when I had my DC1 - way before the internet, let alone FB - my mother thought she should have first dibs. Never mind that she actually had first dibs when her first grandchild (my sister's child) was born six weeks earlier. And never mind that my PILs had long thought they'd never have grandchildren. (BIL/SIL had been married some 13 years earlier than DH and I but sadly no children.)

No, it was all about her "status". She wasn't best pleased when I gave the first grandparents' visiting rights to my PILs.

Congratulations x
When I had my son it turned into a whole family excursion (and competition to see who could get there to see him first!) and it totally ruined my whole experience. I'd do anything to go back in time and it just be us until I was ready for visitors.
Enjoy the peace x