To reach the end of my tether with DM

[CowPatRoberts]

Home to visit my DM, DF & DSM, and my younger siblings. Parents are divorced and I try to split my time fairly between them when I visit but DM often makes this very difficult, calling me when I'm at DFs asking when I'll be back etc.

Tonight she's having a small get together and has been working this morning until 2pm, I've been with DF and DB. I've picked up a load of wine, desserts and flowers for her while I've been out which is entirely out of my own pocket.

I've just received a call from DM screaming down the phone that the house is a mess and no one is helping her and how we're totally out of order. Worth noting that she relies a lot on other people to do most things and will scream and shout then expect us to accept a half arsed apology after she's calmed down.

AIBU to think she's really out of order to act like this? We stayed over at her house last night and made sure everything was packed away before we left so it's not like we left a mess ourselves. I'm now worried about going back to hers and being shouted at for the next hour while she trails us around the house criticising everything we do.

YANBU.

I think you have four options:

1. Go back now, tell her straight up her behaviour is unacceptable, she'll pitch a fit, retreat to your Dads.
2. Go back now, grudgingly put up with her shit for one more day, sit her down tomorrow and tell her this is the last time you're putting up with this and that if she can't behave like a rational adult you won't be staying with her next visit. 3)o back now, grudgingly put up with her shit for the rest of this visit, write her a letter when you get home and tell her this is the last time you're putting up with this and that if she can't behave like a rational adult you won't be staying with her next visit.
3. Continue to put up with it.

It all depends on how well you keep your cool and your relationship at the moment. I'd go with 1, but I reached the end of my tether with my DM a long time ago.

I'd just not go back. Let her stew.

So I did go back, mainly for the benefit of my younger sisters, and all was fine as DMs friends had arrived and she didn't want to cause a fuss in front of them.

Unfortunately after the party she drunkenly laid into me and said, among other things, that I was spoilt and manipulative, i kept things very calm and told her it wasn't acceptable to speak to anyone like that. I left and received the standard 'sorry if I upset you' text but otherwise nothing so have returned home and now don't really know what to do.