Feeling very uncomfortable about what I've just seen

[thatverynightinmaxsroom]

It's a really miserable day here today - wet, windy etc. Just driving home and saw a little girl (7ish?) walking alone down the street. I slowed down because it's unusual to see kids of that age alone outside round here and unusual to see anyone outside on a day like this!
She was followed by a little boy, similar age. She turned into a front garden and I thought she was going in but she just looked through the window. The boy sat down on a mat on the pavement outside the house (there was quite a lot of junk in the front garden).

I turned the car round, put the window down and asked if they were okay. At that point a man out his head out and yelled at them to come in.

I know it's not massive, most of us have probably seen worse, but I can't get the image of the little boy sitting on the sodden mat out of my head and I'm just wondering if anyone would do anything about this.

If a 7 year old wore a puddle suit where I live they'd get crucified at school on Monday.

this

my mum was reported to ss because i bruised like a peach and was usually covered in them. no other indicators at all. just a persons "gut"

i can still remember the process, the questions about my home life.....back then i think they had yhe resources to investigate every person who thought "no harm done, at least i can sleep better tonight" yadda yadda.

as i can recall the process, and how my mum suffered, i can tell you 1001% that its really not a cheerful, breezy "no harm done".

its one of the reasons why I hold the opinion i do, and to my utter shame when DS bumped his head my first thought wasnt "a&e to get checked " it was "shit, ive got to go to a & e who report this thing to SS" and for a split second, i considered not going.

Op asked if kids were ok before man appeared. What if kids look bed with single parent or were staying with grandparent who'd had an accident? What if kids were lost, staying with auntie or family friend? Of course op was right to wind window down and ask.

There have been quite a few occasions where passers by did not want to intervene in situations that struck them as odd, with tragic results. If all is well at that house and with those kids then there's no problem is there. Better safe then sorry?

*were being looked after by

My 6 year old has to wear waterproofs outside this time of year but she is very insistent that all-in-one ones are only for babies She has been known to go out in the snow in just a dress though, or in her pyjamas. Not going to waste my time trying to argue with her about that, she soon realises its too cold.

*gah sad as that was for you, conversely how many people would read your story or others like it where as intervention turned out not to be required thankfully and think "I'd better not report that bruised kid down the road for fear I've got it wrong"? Works both ways. Some kids are bruised because their parents hit them.

there were no othef indicators. none. just bruises.

i reckon a kid being mistreated would have other indicators because........ "bigger picture"?

my views wont change. it was fuckibg horrendous

You've just reported Uncle Quentin for shouting at George and Ann to come inside Kirrin Cottage because Timmy is shaking himself dry all over the kitchen.

I can relate to gah's honesty - earlier last year, I was plagued by anxiety and sleeplessness but was frightened to ask for help in case it got flagged up by the GP. Instead, stupidly returned to using booze, which led to SS involvement (as well as an abusive ex). I have to say, my experience has been really positive but for many (most?) people, hearing the words Social Services can be incredibly intimidating. In these circumstances, I honestly don't know - very difficult to decide what is the difference between judgement and genuine concern.

YY gah
No other indicators.
It is absolutely essential that we report suspected child abuse.
But there has to be a reason to suspect it!

We all have a responsibility to protect children. It IS a responsibility. That means its not a throw away, glib, no harm done, I don't actually have to think about what I am doing, process.

I don't mean you have to think 'what if the parents get into trouble, what if I am wrong?'.

I mean you have to think 'do I have reasonable cause to think this child is at risk or is coming to harm?'

Reasonable. There is nothing in the OP that is reasonable

did that aswell Its, delayed going to the docs for help with pnd. And i was very poorly with it. very.

no harm done though [twitch]

FTR it wouldnt stop me from reporting something i felt was verh definitely worthy, but i would never be so arrogant to think "no harm done"

A lot of this thread is based on assumption and stereotypes.
Whoever mentioned single parent just don't I'm a single parent and I take umbrage at the assumptions that are dished out to me in a daily basis.

Nowt wrong with being a single parent, portia, especially if in doing so, you've protected your child from an abusive partner. If people want to make assumptions, let them. You kept your child safe.

Gah, what kind of bruises were they as I have had safeguarding training in previous jobs and only certain bruises cause suspicion
Not just bruises on arms and legs as very common, although only in children under / over a certain age so would also depend how old you were of course.

Thanks Jess hope you are ok. It just annoys me that people stereotype and look down on single Mums.

Why do you ask Scatty?

Teeth why would children being looked after by a single parent or grandparent be at any more risk than say children being looked after by one parent while the other is at work?

OP slowed her car down, turned around, wound her window down and spoke to two children. Where I am local police and schools are issuing warnings about people doing exactly this, I'm not saying people shouldn't check if they are worried about a child but they also shouldn't be surprised when someone calls the child away. The man wouldn't have known why she was talking to them, just that she was a stranger. Frankly I'd be more worried if they hadn't shouted at their children to come in!

Plus the fact they did call the children in shows that there was at least some level of supervision going on, I mean the chances are if these children were being shut out in the rain and ignored no one would have noticed OP.

Scatty as the MN culture of report everything shows, just because only certain bruises should be a concern doesn't mean only certain bruises get reported.

Gah i can totally see where you are coming from, I was in care for a bit as a teenager and even as someone who did need that help the investigation wasn't pleasant, so for a family where it was totally unnecessary it must have been horrible.

I'd really laugh if that man reported the OP

Valley of the squinting windows.

My boys had puddlesuits, I got them from the Early Learning Centre, but they were 2 and 3 at the time. There's no way they would have consented to wear what is essentially a waterproof Babygro at the age of 7

It was hard enough trying to persuade them into wellies and a jacket on a wet day.

Wrt the OP. Having a gut feeling about something doesn't necessarily mean something bad is going on, and the comment about the messy front garden is a tad judgmental. They may be waiting for the council to collect old furniture, for all you know. We can't all have ornamental fountains and garden gnomes, y'know

Look, I'm obviously not going to report it - that's why I asked and overwhelming sentiment is no.

I still stand by the fact that there was something unpleasant going on and thank you to those who have pointed out that what you feel in a situation can't always be conveyed by words on a screen!

Fair enough it might be very weird behaviour handing out money from a car, but as I said upthread I used to volunteer with at risk kids and so many times I went to pick a child up or drop one off and there was nobody home and no clue where anybody was.

The kids were absolutely sodden and it was cold, cold, cold - and as it happens not long ago someone near here was prosecuted after they locked their child out and child got hypothermia. So no kids don't dissolve in the rain but they can get pretty ill in poor weather.

I thought at least that would give them the option to go inside if they were locked out.

If you are worried and don't know what to report you can report it to the police on 101 as a concern for welfare. They will do a welfare check on the children and if they pick up any concerns will alert SS?

I've already suggested that stripey apparently it's a silly idea. Despite the fact it's a frequent occurrence and we are quite capable (i'd even go so far as sayong more capable then MN!) at dealing with such reports appropriately.

Report it. Maybe they were fine, but it could be the tip of the iceberg. So many times people have looked the other way or not followed something up for fear of 'offending the parent(s)' - you have only to read the serious case review for the Baby P case to know where that led....

I'm not suggesting that this could end up as badly as that, but how bad is bad? A bit of neglect or mistreatment? Parents pissed as newts the whole time or passed out from shooting up. A garden full of rubbish doesn't necessarily mean anything on its own, and two children walking home in the rain alone and making no effort to knock on the door doesn't necessarily mean anything on its own, but taken together could possibly point to a chaotic home life, and the childrens' school at the very least might be well-placed to keep an eye on them.