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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's too much to be asked to give up one Sunday a month?

31 replies

PixiePlunge · 03/03/2017 22:46

In a group of friends one of them has insisted we meet up the same Sunday each month (the whole group).

She has just thrown a bit of a tantrum because me and another one can't make it this time saying we should have it in our diaries to keep free.

I don't purposely plan things on that day but life has a way of getting busy.

Aibu?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/03/2017 23:00

Is your friend Mariah Carey? Grin

YANBU, meeting friends should be a pleasure, not an obligation.

Original poster
PixiePlunge · 03/03/2017 23:09

Bloody hell you would think so the way she acts. Wink

OP posts:
ScarlettFreestone · 03/03/2017 23:12

Friends that throw tantrums don't stay friends very long.

I would also seriously object to having my life planned for me.

scottishdiem · 03/03/2017 23:13

Is she like this with other things?

Or is this meet up, for unknown reasons, disproportionality important to her compared to others? Might she have a special announcement to make?

gamerchick · 03/03/2017 23:14

I can't be doing with tantrums either and I dislike enforced, committed fun.

Original poster
PixiePlunge · 03/03/2017 23:21

She's the queen bee of the group and doesn't like it when things don't go her way.

It's the guilt tripping part I'm taking issue too.

OP posts:
scottishdiem · 03/03/2017 23:22

Ah - tell her to feck off then.

gamerchick · 03/03/2017 23:25

Yanno sometimes when I read threads on here, I hear twilight zone music.

Just tell her no. It's not that hard. Confused

gamerchick · 03/03/2017 23:26

So what if she throws a tantrum. Seriously, what's the worst thing that can happen? Film it and stick it on Facebook?

Badhairday1001 · 03/03/2017 23:29

That's a big commitment! No way would I be able to keep a whole day each month free, I love my friends but there just isn't enough time. What does she expect you all to do on these Sunday's?

FeckinCrutches · 03/03/2017 23:29

Insists? Really? The whole day?

Obviously she kicks up a strop because you can't make it so you tell her to get over herself.

Benedikte2 · 03/03/2017 23:41

How can a pleasant meet up with friends become compulsory? The very thought would make me start to feel uneasy.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/03/2017 23:48

You've written your op in a really negative way. But most of the times I go out with my friends, who I like, one of us will say ' we must do this more often, how about we aim to keep the first Friday night of each month free to meet up.' All very jolly and a good idea,because I like them. So I write it in my diary and consider it a date. I take it you don't like this person much otherwise you'd want to meet up. So yabu for calling her your friend when you don't like her.

Original poster
PixiePlunge · 03/03/2017 23:49

Just tell her no. It's not that hard.

I'm confused. I did tell her no?

OP posts:
paddingtonbear1 · 03/03/2017 23:51

I am in a group of friends, we meet regularly. There are no hard and fast rules, we work around each other where possible but if someone can't make it, fine. YANBU!

littlefrog3 · 03/03/2017 23:52

Your 'friend' sounds like Regina George from MEAN GIRLS. Does she make you all wear pink too? PMSL.

Tell her to do one. If the others in the group feel the same, break away and form a splinter group. Fuck her.

I hate hate hate arranged meetings, and sticking to schedules and rotas and shit. That's what made me stop going regularly to any groups, or get involved with anything in my village. I say hi when I see people, and spend 10 minutes chatting, but can't be arsed with regular stuff where I am 'expected' to attend at all costs. Maybe that makes me a miserable anti social cunt, but I have had enough rotas and deadlines and ties over the years: I now have none and will never have any again if I have my way.

I would not plan to devote one Sunday a month EVERY month to anything. Me and my hubby have no kids at home any longer and we may want to swan off for a few days, or lie in bed all day, or go for a pub lunch. Or I MAY want to see my daughters! I would not want a meet up every month with some diva (who would have a meltdown if I don't attend!) getting in the way of me enjoying my life and doing whatever I want WHEN I want!

As I said, bin her.

WyfOfBathe · 04/03/2017 00:03

While I wouldn't throw a tantrum if a friend couldn't make a meet up, I do generally think it's rude to plan other things when you've already agreed to meet up with one set of people.

Original poster
PixiePlunge · 04/03/2017 00:27

While I wouldn't throw a tantrum if a friend couldn't make a meet up, I do generally think it's rude to plan other things when you've already agreed to meet up with one set of people.

Yes I agree. But it isn't a one off meet up where I've just decided I've got something better to do.

It's the fact that I'm expected to give up the same day just month regardless of if that might be the only day I have to do something else iyswim

OP posts:
ScarlettFreestone · 04/03/2017 01:27

atethereanyleft and there's nothing with keeping the date in your diary, but as a reasonable person you would understand that sometimes life gets in the way and that others in the group might occasionally have clashes or conflicts.

You wouldn't think a tantrum and guilt trip was a reasonable way to treat your close friends surely?

ExplodedCloud · 04/03/2017 01:46

Once a month, everyone knows it's a date? Fine. You'll ebb and flow with commitments and some months it'll be everyone, others it will be a few.
Once a month come hell or high water? No. Because everyone has 'stuff'

ForalltheSaints · 04/03/2017 07:38

If you had pulled out on the day other than because of illness then it would be unreasonable. If you have given a few days warning then no issue as far as I am concerned.

Chasingsquirrels · 04/03/2017 07:43

I think the fact that you see this as "giving up your time" tells you everything you need to know about how these relationships fit into your life - you clearly don't want this level of contact.
I suppose you need to consider the impacts on the relationships of reducing the level of contact and whether the relationships will survive that - and which of these options is the better outcome for you.

Tantruming friend sounds hard work, but once a month doesn't sound like too much (to me).

MrsNuckyThompson · 04/03/2017 07:45

Yanbu.

When everyone is busy it is a good idea to have a sort of fall back date when you know you're going to meet up. But obviously that only works if there is a degree of flexibility there too.

Maybe she doesn't have a lot else going on her life?

BewtySkoolDropowt · 04/03/2017 07:48

Chasing, I'm not getting the impression that op thinks once a month is too much. I'm getting the impression that the rigidity of the meet is the problem.

So you can't

Book holidays for that weekend
Go to a wedding that isn't within spitting distance
Go to a one-off course or workshop
Spend time with visiting relations
Take your kid to a birthday party

Etc etc

Because you are expected to attend this every month without fail.

Nah, op is not being unreasonable here.

Anniegetyourgun · 04/03/2017 07:55

It's not for some kind of activity which only works if there's a minimum group size, is it? Or has she had to book a venue or some such, or laid in food for x number, which is now going to waste? If so she is NBU to be a bit snippy, but needs to accept that the best-laid plans of mice and men gang oft agley, as the man said. (My spell checker is clearly not Scottish.)

If one of the above does apply, you may need to consider whether you should continue with this group, as you can't commit to regular attendance. Mind you I doubt many people are in a position to commit 100% to a regular activity. Things happen.

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