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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sleeping in living room so my children have a room each

90 replies

4267sparkles · 03/03/2017 06:56

I have 2 children boy age 9 (10 in may and a girl age 7. We live in a private rented 2 bed house where the kids share the larger double room. They have bunk beds and there chest of drawers,couple of shelving units with there toys etc on..its a decent size room for them to share at this age. However I want to move to an area where the kids will be in the catchment for the high school they are to go to but the rent for 3 bed houses in that area are out of my budget,its just me and the kids at home.
I went to view a house last night in the area I want to be in but the house,(well bedrooms) is smaller than we are currently in.
AIBU to consider moving so the kids can go to the high school we want and for me to give up a bedroom to be able to give them there own room? They could share but it would be a bit of a push and in the next couple of years they will want there own space.

Another point that I considered is that I have shared custody with my ex so I have the kids 3 nights mid week and alternate weekends. When they are with there dad I could sleep in my daughters bed...or would that not be right?

I just want to see if anyone else has been in this situation

OP posts:

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 03/03/2017 13:56

We have a Studybed in our spare room. If you do end up wanting to sleep in the living room, it could be an option as they're made to be used daily and are more useful ime than a bed in a cupboard.

MTB1003 · 03/03/2017 13:58

Children having their own room is a fairly recent phenomenon and to be honest whilst it might be nice it really is not necessary.

You could look at dividing the room.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 03/03/2017 15:40

I think its fine for a 7yr old and a 10 yr old to share a room. Ikea do these track/curtain thingies you can use to divide rooms, so maybe they could have the bigger room and you could divide it?
You may not always be single, so you might want a bit of privacy yourself. I'm not sure that sacrificing your own needs as an adult for your dc is always a good thing, for them or you.

notinagreatplace · 03/03/2017 16:18

I know people on here seem to do this but I really wouldn't unless there was absolutely no other option.

I need my own space, just as much as kids do. Especially in a few years when your kids are going to bed much later, I would hate to be stuck in the living room.

I have also yet to find a sofa bed that wouldn't give me near permanent back ache if I used it daily.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 03/03/2017 16:29

Very normal, good plan.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 03/03/2017 16:30

P.S: Friend has a good Ikea sofa bed + an extra mattress topper, that's key apparently.

teenagetantrums · 03/03/2017 16:40

I did it. Got a,sofa bed for living rooom. Kept my clothes in the biggest bedroom which was my daughters. It was no problem to me. They went to bed later the me. Only time I was,an issue is when they were teenagers and wanted to stay up later. Sometimes we swapped beds. In fact now I'm back on sofa bed 13 years on. Still not a problem.

Kiroro · 03/03/2017 16:41

I never like to mention it in RL, people can be so judgmental.

I don't see why people are judgmental about it - what use is a sitting room at night? It isn't being used. This is an efficient use of space. Not being able to afford a bigger house/flat is hardly something to be ashamed of.

some people are doing it so each child can have their own room. If the same sex and no other behavior issues etc there is no reason why those can't share

Different ages, small rooms that can't get a bed+desk+wardrobe in if you share, bad sleeper etc. Children need more bedroom space than adults really because they need a quiet place to do homework.

EineKleine · 03/03/2017 16:45

I have so much respect for parents who do this and I'd like to think I would do it for mine. You need some serious research into sofa beds. I like the japanese approach of having sleeping mats/futons on the floor myself. I'm not so sure about sleeping in your DD's room, I think I'd feel quite "invaded" if I were a teenager in that position and I think it might be better to set yourselves up with bunks in there so you each have privacy.

There was a poster on here who carved her own little sleeping nook out of the living room with a room divider, which sounded like a great idea if you do have the space (which may be unlikely given smallness of flats as you mention.)

Also, it's a dull detail but I would try to find a flat that has separate kitchen and living room, if possible. Fridges don't seem noisy until you share a bedroom with them!

picklemepopcorn · 03/03/2017 17:04

Could you share with your daughter, but only use the room for sleeping and clothes storage? Then the lounge stays a lounge, and she has main ownership of the bedroom when she is there.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/03/2017 17:21

at 7&10 they are ok sharing for a while, but if you dont want that, then I would give bigger room to the girl and get ideally double bunk bed at bottom and single at top

or single bunkbeds,so you always have a bed to sleep in

Want2bSupermum · 03/03/2017 17:36

I recommend the design by American leather sofa beds. It is brilliant and really comfortable. There are knock offs about and the company make sofa's for John Lewis. The Siesta sofa bed has their design. It is a firm mattress but they do different matress types so check between different ones if you find it too firm.

Of course try to buy second hand. It is so so much cheaper.

Want2bSupermum · 03/03/2017 17:38

Ooops - also wanted to add that we have 3DC in one bedroom. The two kids in a bunk bed and the baby in a mini crib. When she outgrows the mini crib she will sleep on the trundle bed, currently under the bottom bunk.

I echo what orange said about making sure you don't set the wrong tone about your position in the family.

junebirthdaygirl · 03/03/2017 17:47

I hate to see parentnot having their own bedroom. I realise its not always possible but l shared bedroom with my dsis growing up . We fought like mad but grew up best friends with an extra closeness. Op l do see your situation is different as you have a boy and girl but l still think as they become teens you will need a place to escape when their friends come round. Its also better l feel at that stage to keep the living room as a central hub rather than having a situation where they go off to their rooms.

dustarr73 · 03/03/2017 20:51

I wouldnt get a sofabed,we did and it killed our backs.I would even buy a daybed if its only you.Somewhere to sit but its a bed as well.

kateandme · 04/03/2017 00:47

we got brilliant ikea corner sofa that converts into a bed.brother has sitting room.its really comfortable. and the sofa itself great.
if you could id try get them to share,just because I want you to have your own you time space. but if not and your are really sure then go for it.
one friend did it and became resentful and the kids used it against her.slamming into "their"rooms when she had nowhere to go(she was standing in it)as they were teenager they also came in late,and were disturbing
other did it with great success. though she made it her own and in corner.with a cupboard no one was to go in,her space.also she got thin veil curtain mesh things that literally slunger over the door to curtain pole and it secluded her at night.
I even had one who put up one of this quick tents every night haha,sounds possibly ott but its just made her feel like it was her own hideaway,relaxing space at the end of the day.she had somewhere.
good luck.you sound lovely.

dowhatnow · 04/03/2017 00:54

Can you divide a room somehow perhaps with a bookcase? Or something like this www.everblocksystems.co.uk

notangelinajolie · 04/03/2017 00:55

We did this. 3 bed semi & 3 children had a room each. We had 2 rooms downstairs so we made one of them into our bedroom. Eldest 2 have left home now but we are still in our downstairs room, I've got used to it 😊 - DD3 now has the whole of upstairs to herself.

longestlurkerever · 04/03/2017 08:24

How long would you be in the house for? Is there somewhere cheaper but commutable to the school that you could move to once you have the school place? Is it sibling priority or would you need to stay until your youngest also has a place? I know some will see this as playing the system but the fact is, you are renting. This has many downsides but one definite upside - flexibility - and you should make the most of that if you can.

Original poster

4267sparkles · 04/03/2017 08:26

Thank you ever one for your kind and helpful comments its been a great eye opener that Im not the only parent willing to do this. So hard to make decisions as a single parent Some great ideas re the bunk beds with the double on the bottom..never thought of that!
The high school I want the kids to go to is the feeder from the primary school they currently attend. They are both quite and shy children so they both have a great circle of friends that I want them to keep and its a good high school. I would have to submit a placement request for this high school as I dont live in the catchment area and in the new area I wouldnt have to worry about that.
The house Id looked at has lots of storage so keeping my stuff in the hall cupboard and daughters room would be doable.

OP posts:

Kikikaakaa · 04/03/2017 09:09

I think because the children are girl/boy, that as they get older they will need their own room.
I would do the same thing. Luckily I converted a dining room into a bedroom which solved this problem but I would have slept in the lounge had I needed to. I also understand about schools. I think if you are sure about the schools then you will make this work in its own way. My BF sleeps in his lounge so that his DC have the bedrooms when they visit

user1484394242 · 04/03/2017 09:19

The Ikea friheten mentioned earlier is very comfortable. The storage underneath is great for pillows, a Matress protector and a quilt.

Original poster

4267sparkles · 04/03/2017 10:12

Im going to go look at the Ikea Friheten sofa bed tomorrow. Ive read good reviews about it and great it has the storage.

The set up isnt ideal or to suit everyone but we will make it work Part and parcel of being a parent I suppose

OP posts:

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 04/03/2017 10:25

In housing law terms children of that age of the opposite sex having to share a room is overcrowding but the way the rules on that work you sleeping in the living room and their having their own rooms is acceptable.

ShelaghTurner · 04/03/2017 10:26

It's what we'll end up doing. We do have a third bedroom but its teeny tiny. Enough space for us to put a wardrobe and some drawers in but not a bed. Unless we get hold of enough to convert the loft (which we hope to do) then I'm looking at sofa beds. It's not ideal but probably less hassle than listening to squabbling constantly.

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