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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..or is this really passive aggressive twattishnes?

84 replies

RubbishMantra · 02/03/2017 22:10

My DH died not long ago. SIL (DH's sister) made his life a merry hell. He supported her business, on the guise of it was his business also, even though he wasn't allowed access to accounts etc.
We both bought similar amounts of money into our marriage, and he decided he wanted to stop siphoning his funds into her business. He was told he "was taking food out her children's mouths". She has a trust fund.

I mentioned to her a few days ago that I'd needed to see a financial advisor (making my will at the moment). She texted back, "pleased there are silver linings for you!" No, there really aren't. I feel as if she's insinuating I profited from DH's death. I miss him every day.

My first AIBU, so please don't be too hard on me.

OP posts:
Jux · 02/03/2017 23:14

What a shame you've already replied. Otherwise you tell her how crass she is - no, you'd be far too nice for that probably, but you could dropped it in.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Original poster
RubbishMantra · 02/03/2017 23:18

Is it too late to send a message pointing out the cuntesque crassness?

OP posts:
reuset · 02/03/2017 23:20

She sounds toxic. What a spiteful thing to say

Sorry for your loss Flowers

princessconsuelabananahammock1 · 02/03/2017 23:24

She needs putting in her place! You need to stand up to her now, people like her get away with it for far too long! How dare she? I would be proper fuming!!!!

OneMillionScovilles · 02/03/2017 23:24

Unlike others, I won't call her a cunt.

Cunts have depth and warmth.

princessconsuelabananahammock1 · 02/03/2017 23:25

No send her a message and say, this has been really playing on my mind! How dare you!!! It's never to late and if you don't, you will regret it!!!

OneMillionScovilles · 02/03/2017 23:25

I'm very sorry for your loss OP - this woman sounds like a vile piece of work.

Rainbunny · 02/03/2017 23:32

I'm sorry OP, you must miss you DH very much and I second the other pps who say to stay the hell away from her- block her if possible. She sounds like someone who will come looking for money at some point and even try to make it sound like your DH promised or owes her money.

I'm actually a little concerned from your original post, you say your DH gave her business money under the guise that it was his business as well? Is there any documentation that indicates he was a part owner or connected to the business in some way? I'd hate for you to end up being held liable for any business debts - your sil sounds like an incompetent and dishonest business owner! Why do I get the feeling that she knows exactly how much you were left by your DH....

Once agains, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Original poster
RubbishMantra · 02/03/2017 23:46

I posted here wondering if I might be told I was just being an arse. You've all given me a good bit of strength tonight.

OP posts:
StrangeLookingParasite · 03/03/2017 07:42

God, she is a repulsive human being. I'd tell her to fuck off and never see her again.

Re this Cunts have depth and warmth. And sensitivity.

WaitrosePigeon · 03/03/2017 07:44

Bitch.

RuggerHug · 03/03/2017 08:53

Op if you don't mind saying, where is she? I would happily get a flight and do time for kicking her in the face or elsewhere Angry

Flowers
Mamia15 · 03/03/2017 09:01

Block her.

Don't engage or reply to her.

IamFriedSpam · 03/03/2017 09:03

I would be inclined to completely block her - is there any reason to maintain contact - are your kids close? She sounds bloody vile.

GrapesAreMyJam · 03/03/2017 09:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Poudrenez · 03/03/2017 09:32

I suppose you could say "yes there is a silver lining - I'll never have to talk to you again".

She's extremely aggressive, and no longer your problem.

I'm sorry for your loss. Electric Flowers Flowers Flowers to you OP xxxxxx

HiggeldyPiggeldy · 03/03/2017 09:54

I am constantly shocked at just how cunty and unaware some people are

OP yanbu, sorry for your loss

leighb23 · 03/03/2017 18:35

Yes def send her a msg telling her the "cloud " is you'll never have to see/speak to/think of her ever again!!
How awful is she!? Keep your chin up xxx

Patriciathestripper1 · 03/03/2017 18:39

She is obviously a horrible bitch and rest assured no one would miss her if she died.
Flowers Wine sorry for your loss.

RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 03/03/2017 18:42

I'm actually a little concerned from your original post, you say your DH gave her business money under the guise that it was his business as well? Is there any documentation that indicates he was a part owner or connected to the business in some way? I'd hate for you to end up being held liable for any business debts - your sil sounds like an incompetent and dishonest business owner! Why do I get the feeling that she knows exactly how much you were left by your DH....

OP, I'm so very sorry for your loss, and your sil is terrible. But I'd like to echo this post. When you see your financial advisor, you need to make sure that a) you aren't liable for anything, an b) if sil's business does indeed owe your DH's estate anything, you get it back.

If you have any documents, that would be good. But I can see sil might think you could be a source of funds,

Nonibaloni · 03/03/2017 18:47

People are great aren't they?

My dad died when I was 20. Since then my aunt has said the words to "of course your cousins will never have the desposit for a house like you did"

And to my widowed mother "I won't be able to enjoy my retirement like you because I'll have to work for another 6 years." When dm was talking about spending her retirement alone.

She had no idea what she was saying that if we had the choice we would keep my dad dead and enjoy the money.

People seem to think it's ok to talk about inheritance like it's winning the lottery. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry for the pain of sorting out your finances as a widow and I'm sorry that woman is implying you're lucky.

Flisstizzy · 03/03/2017 19:14

You've been to kind to her, reply with "you fucking disgust me" Flowers so sorry for your loss

TheNewSchmoo · 03/03/2017 19:22

My mother died, there was a small inheritance, not life changing but enough to buy something "nice" . Someone at work asked what I was going to do with it and I was undecided, but absolutely was not banging on about it. Another woman at work joined the conversation with "I wish someone would give me some money". People are arseholes.

Original poster
RubbishMantra · 11/03/2017 15:04

Thank you for your concern about whether mercenary SIL could get mitts on cash. Pretty much all we had was our house, which we paid equal amounts towards. DH died over a year ago, so I'm pretty sure if she believed she was entitled to a share of our home, she'd have made claim to it by now. I've checked with my solicitor, and there are no charges against it. But I will ring them just to ensure I'm not liable for any of her debts. Thank you for flagging that up.

Big loves for helping me see that she's a self-serving utter wanky, wankfastic wankbadger! (With a large dose of po-faced martyr thrown in for extra wankiness)

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 11/03/2017 15:07

What a horrible, thoughtless message. Flowers