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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel like every mumsnetter child is super academic and/or has SEN/SN?

27 replies

manicinsomniac · 02/03/2017 21:26

Does nobody have a child who is just 'average'? Please? Grin

I'm not completely exempt - I have one daughter who is very academic and has mental health problems (so not SN but certainly AN) and it's too soon to tell what my youngest will be like.

But my middle daughter is just ... normal. No academic brilliance, no special needs, no educational needs. Just average. And it sometimes feels like she's the only one in the mumsnet world!

Maybe there's just less to say/worry about for these kinds of children though.

I'm not complaining about her - she's happy and she 'kicks ass' in the performing arts world. But she's a 'straight B/C student' as far as the classroom goes.

OP posts:
sirfredfredgeorge · 02/03/2017 21:28

she 'kicks ass' in the performing arts world

So she's far from average... ?

DonkeyofDoom · 02/03/2017 21:33

I think plenty of us have average kids but surely you'd expect more threads about the kids on either end of extreme. Average kid who is happy and thriving doesn't really need a thread.

andontothenext · 02/03/2017 21:34

I've wondered the same OP.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 02/03/2017 21:34

^^
I'm just talking about academic work in the classroom. Too much reading of school and exam threads probably!

But no, you're right. I personally don't believe anybody is completely average. There's always something about everyone that makes them different to the norm.

OP posts:
TheCakes · 02/03/2017 21:35

I think parents with SEN kids are more isolated and need more support than average. That's where Internet forums come into their own.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 02/03/2017 21:35

sorry, that reply was to fred

Glad I'm not alone in the thought andontothenext

OP posts:
Booshbeesh · 02/03/2017 21:37

4 completely average children. Although amazing in there own ways however no special or health required in a sentence when speaking of them.

ThereAreNoWords · 02/03/2017 21:37

My kid is pretty average in all areas really, so far (she's six). She's lost more teeth than anyone else in her class though Grin

TheWitTank · 02/03/2017 21:37

Agree with TheCakes.

KarmaKit · 02/03/2017 21:42

I sometimes think this, but I also agree with Cakes - as a parent of children who have SN, you are more likely to seek support, advice and companionship online, therefore the numbers are somewhat skewed! It's the same with families with 5 or more children - you rarely meet them RL, but here there are loads.

I don't doubt that some people use "he/she has SN" as shorthand for "we don't know what causes their behaviour/sensory/educational issues, sounds like autism/adhd so we'll go with that" but I think they're the minority.

HainaultViaNewburyPark · 02/03/2017 21:50

My 12 year old DD is pretty average academically, with no SEN. She plays the piano reasonably well, and has a small part in the school play.

Her forte is sport - she's a good all rounder, with a particular aptitude for cross country and middle distance running. She's also fairly fearless - her out of school hobbies are diving (she jumped from the board in her first lesson) and climbing (she'll happily climb grade 6 routes).

So she's not really 'average' at all. She just has talents away from the academic arena.

Missswatch · 02/03/2017 21:54

What do you expect OP? MN is home to mothers who invented childbirth, children, and parenting

GuiltyPleasure · 02/03/2017 21:54

OP, I have one of each, DD (16) is very average academically- achieved 6 GCSEs at B/C grades. She started A levels but soon realised this was going to be a hard path for her. She's an amazing dancer & is now doing a vocational dance course, which she is excelling in. DS1 (14) is very academic. Both of my eldest are very average in terms of behaviour (only as challenging as any other teenager). DS2 (9) is on the severe end of the autistic spectrum & has other developmental delays. I post about my youngest the most because he's the one that presents the most challenges & there are situations where I look for advice & support on these forums.

guinnessgirl · 02/03/2017 22:02

I sometimes wish DS1 was just average. He is all three of the overrepresented categories here - an academic high achiever, disabled, and with SEN - but I rarely make mention of any of these things on the main boards.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 02/03/2017 22:05

Yes, Cakes point is a good one.

Guiltypleasure - I think my DD2 will be exactly like yours in 6/7 years time.

What do you expect OP? MN is home to mothers who invented childbirth, children, and parenting

I don't get this comment. Sorry if I'm being dense? If you mean we're a bunch of know it alls then absolute, I agree! Wink But can't make a link to academic ability of our children from it.

OP posts:
citybushisland · 02/03/2017 22:06

All 3 of mine are 'average', no SN, no behaviour problems, they have interests they work hard at, lazy with things they aren't interested in. Middle child fairly talented artist, Eldest bright but not brilliantly academic, youngest quite sporty (not potential olympian or anything near). They all get decent grades and are calm, contented children. Their Dad and I were similar as kids, so they'll probably have similar lives to us, ok jobs, fairly content and happy but nothing earth-shattering or terribly exciting. There are worse lives, god we sound boring, but I like my kids and enjoy their company and we all get on pretty well.

BevGoldbergsSister · 02/03/2017 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Astoria7974 · 02/03/2017 22:13

Dsd and neice are both academically brilliant (top performers) & hard working too. Neice is really into dancing (loves bollywood) & swimming, and dsd loves brownies & music. I think both are well-rounded & I'm proud of them. So will boast about them any chance I get - not even stealth boasts really. Am sure other parents of gifted kids are the same.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/03/2017 22:13

I personally don't believe anybody is completely average.

Not sure you understand statistics. There are vastly more people clustered around 'normal' than anywhere else. That's what makes it 'normal'. So, an IQ of exactly 100 is common but importantly epoeple with IQs around 100 are very common as well. I think 15 is the standard deviation. Most people have IQs within the 85-115 range.

Same with additional needs. There are usually less people with severe issues than moderate.

If what you mean is that most people are not in the 'normal' range for every scale invented, well that's probably true. Vastly more will be more average than those who are high or low on every scale (except where those scales measure something with comorbidity).

MiladyThesaurus · 02/03/2017 22:14

DS1 is kind of all over the place academically. His GCSE grades range from A to G and he's so far managed to get a D in English twice (third time lucky for the C, we hope). He's pretty good (but not spectacular in MN terms) at the subjects he's doing A-levels in. If he can pass English and do well enough in his A-levels he wants to go to university, but I won't be posting any 'oxbridge or warwick for maths?' threads on MN. He has no particularly remarkable (certainly not to MN-standard) talents or skills. Unless you want to count telling bad jokes and talking about videogames as talents. He's a lovely boy though: kind and caring and quite idiosyncratic.

My mum has a seriously annoying habit of insisting that he's really a misunderstood genius. He's not. He's just a nice boy of fairly average intelligence, who is quite good at maths (but needs to work hard at it) but crap at anything involving writing. It annoys me because my mum cannot accept that's absolutely enough and he doesn't need to be outstanding in some way. It's fine to be just ordinary.

ZackyVengeance · 02/03/2017 22:14

I have one who is average
And one thats disabled

raspberryblush23 · 02/03/2017 22:16

I'd say my 8yr old DS is pretty average academically, although he's pretty good at mental maths. At school I think he just blends in, and to my annoyance at times, he doesn't really get picked for anything like choir or music tuition. I was an academic child but suffer significantly with mental health issues, particularly having to be perfect at everything and not coping with failure well. I think I'd be much happier if I'd done less well at school but had more skill in other areas of life: resilience, organisation and social skills to name a few.

bostonkremekrazy · 02/03/2017 22:16

Oh I wish I did!
I have 5 DC....4 who are very complex with medical and SEN.
1 who we are now discovering is 'super academic'...and seems to be gifted in sport too.
they are a mix of birth children and adopted children - we had no idea what our future had in store!
we would prefer wonderfully average!

Beachedwh4le · 02/03/2017 22:20

😂😂😂 love this thread. Well done for having the courage to post OP Wine

intheknickersoftime · 02/03/2017 22:22

There is a lot to be said for average. I have three children, two in secondary. My second eldest who is DS aged 12 was always under nationally expected targets, had an IEP in place and I worried to death about him. He is now doing a splendidly average job at secondary school and I'm delighted.