At breaking point

[AtSea1979]

DS is crying himself to sleep. I'm sat here crying. I don't know how to help him or myself. Life is so stressful at minute. DS day dreams so much the frustration is killing us. He lost hundreds of pounds worth of things since starting high school in sept. He won't get dressed without needing me to yoyo up and down the stairs every few minutes to keep him focused. He can't prioritise and doesn't seem to care either way anyway. All I do is yell. All the time. I come home from work swearing it will be better, I will not shout, I'll be kind and understanding and patient, and within minutes I'm yelling what the hell did you do that for, why haven't you done this, where have you put it? When did you last see it? All the while DS getting screechy and I get louder until he's screaming at me in an irritating off the radar high pitch whine and I'm yelling at him.

Thank you that's really helpful. I failed again today. I picked him up and said did you find your new trainers he said no but I found my coat and I replied but what about your new trainers you only had them an hour. Before realising what I was saying and making it in to a bit of a joke. I seem to be gentle with him, then remember what he's lost and feel cross about it.

AtSea What works really well with my ASD child (who is 4 but I have SEN parents with kids your sons age who told me this) is to overly praise when they do something right. It is to help build their confidence. It is great that he found his coat. Focus on that. Talk through the steps taken to find it by asking questions. Where did you find it? Did someone help you? Were you surprised to find it where you found it? etc. Ask the question and let it sit there while he processes it. Takes my son sometimes 5mins to answer me.

Op just one tip from me. This weekend sit him down and have a real chat with him (and a cuddle) and obviously apologise for the shouting etc but also explain the impact on YOU when he loses things constantly or you have to keep chasing him to do things.
For example if him losing something means you have to replace it and maybe that means you have less money and this is a struggle.
On the slowness in the morning, that this can make you late dropping DD off or make you late for work.
This doesn't mean its all about you but let him see the impact his forgetfulness is having on other people - so he understands it isn't just mum being cross cos he lost something again - help him to understand

Sending you and , sounds like a really crappy time for everyone, hope it gets better

Praise and reinforce all God behaviour. Model for him how to do things.

I second the possibility of depression, please see your GP.

I'be has counselling for anxiety Nd eating disorder, it is nothing to be ashamed of abs help can make such a big difference.

Good behaviour

He sounds very much like my friends son who has Aspergers in respect of being worried about getting into trouble at school but seeming not to care at home. And the slowness.

The diagnosis doesn't matter that much unless he needs educational support, which he may if he is slow at writing and organising his thoughts. The support and reaction from you is the only thing you can fully control.

Friend gets ds up very slowly. Clothes laid out. Breakfast laid out on a tray. Shoes and bag checked together the night before and by the door. Homework has to be done by a certain time...not negotiable.

It may seem like pandering to him or babying but for them it's worked well. He's 17 now and quite immature in many ways but has friends and doing well at school. He is getting more independent but it has been quite slow.

In terms of lost property you are talking about such a lot of items you'd be very reasonable to talk to his form teacher and go in with ds for a thorough search. Then ask teacher to help ds manage his belongings with prompts. Maybe list in his homework diary or similar which items he needs to keep with him and bring home and get teacher to check with him at the end of the day. I'm assuming everything is labelled in a very obvious way and made difficult to steal? I'm sad to say that there was a lot of pinching of games kit etc at my ds's school. Replace with second hand.

Good luck for calmer times.