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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I always the troublemaker?

94 replies

troubleunderscoremaker · 02/03/2017 18:34

Ok, so I am ready for people to throw tomatoes at me. I will be completely honest as you are complete strangers.

So here it goes: sigh.

I am 27, and I can't hold a job down. I've only got female bosses who seem to hate me all the time. I quite had nice coworkers though not of all the time. I had decent relationships with them. I work in customer services and while I do agree the pitch of my voice can be a bit loud and firm I am doing my best to serve my customers.

I am at the fourth job now, and after 4 months things don't seem any better. My director hates me, she calls me into her office every day, she blames me a lot and I really don't know what to do. The worst part is that I'm part time (4 hrs/day) and she makes everything possible for me to stay extra at least another 2 hrs (unpaid, of course), which I cannot really do as I have other commitments (hence looking for part time work).

WWYD? I can't keep job hopping anymore but also I can never seem to be able to shut up because my sense of justice is too damn high. I will have to admit I had issues in the past with customer as I lost my patience and dropped a few harsh words, but definitely not offending.

I sometimes think I am the only damn person in this world who can't hold a job down. Am I a miserable person? :(

Thank you!

OP posts:
Sunnysky2016 · 02/03/2017 18:55

Firstly you are not the first and most def not the last to be a 'job hopper' many, many people work in different roles until they find the right one for them.
What do you feel you are mostly being called into the office for?

Freddorika · 02/03/2017 18:56

She doesn't sound like a very good boss. But you could help yourself by being more assertive with her rather than bottling it up then maybe having a huge flounce.

Original poster
troubleunderscoremaker · 02/03/2017 18:56

@Sunnysky2016 i will give you a concrete example. Today she called me to laughing my ass off do a ROLE PLAY with me presenting a product. She even had a smirk look.

OP posts:
Freddorika · 02/03/2017 18:56

Also, don't try to fight her. Do as she says but only in work hours!

Original poster
troubleunderscoremaker · 02/03/2017 18:57

@freddorika that s what I do. I am always scared and let myself be bullied and be convinced I am miserable and crap.

OP posts:
Freddorika · 02/03/2017 18:58

Yrs it's quite common in the workplace that workers are too intimidated to be gently assertive and end up having a huge strop! Is there someone senior to her?

Original poster
troubleunderscoremaker · 02/03/2017 18:59

I just feel helpless. When that happens I also start to do my job poorly and then i might just end up leaving like i always did. And i actually like the job itself. I'm not saying I am perfect or that I do not make mistakes. It is my field but it's still something new (computer systems, procedures, products etc). I might as well have that sharp tone that people perceive as rude but I try to work on that

OP posts:
Original poster
troubleunderscoremaker · 02/03/2017 18:59

@freddorika nope no one higher than her...

OP posts:
PeanutButterCheesecake · 02/03/2017 19:03

What is the issue with people doing 'exactly what she says'? She's the manager

Sunnysky2016 · 02/03/2017 19:03

Role play is a common training exercise, I had to do them all the time (I'm a trainer) with employees. But they are only good if both parties know the objective of doing them.
You say it was for 'presenting a product', so I'm guessing you are in a sales role?..... but was she doing it to assess how well you do it or because she's already identified issues with how you do it? What sort of feeback were you given? Flowers because you it sounds like you need them!

Sunnysky2016 · 02/03/2017 19:09

I meant the flowers- you seem to need some cheering up!

buckingfrolicks · 02/03/2017 19:14

try getting a job as a traffic warden. Your manner sounds about right for that, and you won't have an overbearing manager on your tail. She sounds shite!

PickledCauliflower · 02/03/2017 19:18

Work to your job description - you don't have to do more than that hours wise etc.

I have had to deal with countless nob heads at work over the years. I found it best to keep a cool head when saying your piece, try not to get in to loud arguments.
You could always then put your side in an email to your manager (if you feel that you are not being heard).
Read it five times over before sending - deleting anything that may be thrown back at you with a twist!

Trifleorbust · 02/03/2017 19:18

I told a customer to fuck off once. Whoops! It's not for everyone.

PickledCauliflower · 02/03/2017 19:19

Try and drop the sharp tone.
It immediately puts others on the defensive.

HappyFlappy · 02/03/2017 19:20

Trouble - you may have an attitude problem, but you aren't the only one. Your boss is worse!

She is obviously a bully - it won't be your looks that upset her, it will be that you have a bit of attitude and she is enjoying crushing it out of you. Agree with others - if she wants you to stay after your paid hours, make sure that you can't. Have an appointment. It may only be with a repeat of Holby City, but it is your time and you are entitled to it. She enjoys pushing you and I think is hoping that you will give her some lip so that she can come down on you like a ton of bricks,

Obviously other staff member have had their spirits crushed by her and just want to keep their noses clean and not see or hear anything that goes on. Is there any way (using your phone perhaps) that you could record what she says to you in meeting etc (probably too public to try to record her phone calls).

Keep a record of the hours she keeps you back (If you continue to tolerate it) - mark them in your diary - how long she keeps you and what the excuse is (I can't think of ANY valid excuse for keeping someone back for two hours or more on a four hour shift),

You obviously aren't cr*p at the job or she would have got rid of you long ago - four months is longer than anyone would keep a really rubbish employee. She likes playing with people. I wonder how many people she has done this with, and how many have told her to stick her job.

Original poster
troubleunderscoremaker · 02/03/2017 19:22

Hah, didn't tell any customers to fuck off (yet).

I do agree there s stuff I need to improve, I ve been only doing the job for 2 months or so, the rest has been shadowing & training.

I just want to hold this job down, stop job hopping because honestly, people tell me that I am a bright person, i studied hard and I do my best. What personality issues do i have? I am so harsh on myself for sure...

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Original poster
troubleunderscoremaker · 02/03/2017 19:23

@happyflappy this is fabulous advice, thank you! I did write down how much time I spent extra... usually at least 45 mins. I will try the appointment thing, obviously that won't work 5 days a week tho...

OP posts:
Atenco · 02/03/2017 19:44

Well it does sound like you need to be more assertive with your boss and more compliant with bolshy customers. At first I thought you weren't born for customer relations, it takes a certain type of personality, but you haven't complained about any customers here.

I don't know if you should so hung up about job hopping, I didn't settle down to a proper job until I was nearly 40 and, on another thread, someone mentioned that the only way to get ahead with proper pay and promotion is to change job every two years.

Original poster
troubleunderscoremaker · 02/03/2017 19:51

@Atenco your comment is much appreciated. Thank you very much!

OP posts:
rjay123 · 02/03/2017 20:06

If they are forcing you to work extra hours, unpaid, is it taking your hourly wage below the national minimum wage? If so, I'd be pointing this out to her.

OneWithTheForce · 02/03/2017 20:17

Don't pretend you have an appointment. It just means you get out on time once. It doesn't solve the problem. Just take a deep breath and say you are leaving at one and if she argues then she argues, but leave at one. She can try and discipline you for it but good luck to her.

HelenaGWells · 02/03/2017 20:18

Firstly it's illegal to force someone to work 2 hours unpaid Overtime. Don't Do it. Your boss is an asshole.

Secondly I suspect the job is not suited to you. If you are loud and firm (forceful) have lost it and n the past and have a strong sense of justice customer service isn't for you. Chances are your firmness is coming across as aggressive and you may well be showing frustration without realising.

Why did the other 3 jobs not work
Out? Were you not needed after a trial period?

rjay123 · 02/03/2017 20:19

No, it's not always illegal to force someone to work 2 hours unpaid overtime.

Original poster
troubleunderscoremaker · 03/03/2017 04:04

@rjay123 not sure if the point is legality or ethics here...

OP posts:
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