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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mums never turned up- vol 2!

95 replies

hungryhippo90 · 02/03/2017 09:16

If anyone remembers my post about mums who invited me to join them for breakfast. There wasn't any real reason why it never happened. Just so and so was Ill and another who said that they don't go to these things.

I promise I was pretty good. Did the whole! I thought I'd turned up at the wrong time! Haha!

Now none of them talk to me. They just walk past me.

I've been a bit tongue tied, but I've been nothing but bright and happy and lovely.

I smile at everyone. And i just get blanked.

OP posts:

BaDumShh · 02/03/2017 16:03

This bitch sounds like a real life Regina George.

Tell her to shove her pastel coloured head up her chuff.

LaContessaDiPlump · 02/03/2017 16:06

What bitches! You are so well rid of them op xx

redexpat · 02/03/2017 16:07

She's a snob. You know that you dont want to be friends with them. But you do want what they have - a group of friends. They would never give you that. They're not nice people. You deserve better.

Softkitty2 · 02/03/2017 16:08

Dont waste your time and energy with people like this. Leave them to their cattiness

BaymaxismyHero · 02/03/2017 16:12

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape! Keep clear of them!

BeBeatrix · 02/03/2017 16:19

Nasty people.

Hurtful though their behaviour is, the upside is that you're not going to be spending any time with these women who are clearly not good enough to be your friends.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 02/03/2017 16:28

You know when you are walking along a pavement in the dark and you tread in a large pile of dog poo? It wasn't your fault, there was nothing you could have done to avoid it, it is just something unpleasant that happens in life.

They are the dog poo in your life. It isn't your fault, there was nothing you could have done, it wasn't personal, they would have treated plenty of other people just the same because dog poo is dog poo and it can only ever act like dog poo.

CoolCarrie · 02/03/2017 16:29

It reflects badly on them, definitely not you. I am sorry you have been hurt, I've been there too, not speaking the same language as the other mums left me out on a limb, despite the fact they could all speak English as well as their own language, but hey ho, sod them. It was their loss, just as it is their loss with you. Take heart, OP, it will get better and you will find decent mums who would treat you in that nasty way.

Serialweightwatcher · 02/03/2017 16:29

Not sure I read your other thread, but for a few people to stand you up and now blank you, it seems to me like someone is shit stirring and said something about you (presumably being about one of them) .... for all of them to be blanking that's the only thing I can think of. They all sound like a lot of bitches/sheep - poor you

Iamthinking · 02/03/2017 16:34

I am with Serialweightwatcher, I think someone has been stirring the shite about you.
Whatever though, their behaviour is absolutely appalling though. They are all walking cliches.

scampimom · 02/03/2017 16:43

Oh dear. Poor silly bitches - nothing else in their lives to do or think about, and have to bring someone else down to feel better about themselves. (Except of course deep down behaving like this does NOT make you feel better about yourself because, frankly, how could it?)

You, on the other hand, get to have a life without stepping in social dog poo (With apologies to Jackelope)

terrylene · 02/03/2017 16:44

I have a friend who lived in a very class/wealth divided place - the sort of place people would say 'oh how lovely' and go to for nice holidays. She is US, very sociable and liked to live on a shoestring, so they did not really know what to do with her or what 'box' she belonged in - and she hated it.

She has moved a lot and always does a lot with the church and volunteering. Personally, I would join a book club at the library or something with older people - they are usually much more sociable

kath6144 · 02/03/2017 16:45

She replied with "I had it done at such and such salon, you probably couldn't afford it"

FFS - why are people so insecure that they need to say such things?

I once worked with a guy who was a bit of bragger and a twat. He got himself a brand new Audi, but was very open that he had borrowed the money for it from his PIL.

One day he actually came out with a comment similar to that above to me "But of course Kath you wouldnt know what its like to afford a '20k' (cant remember exact value) car". I was gobsmacked, especially as I was driving a nearly new Volvo estate of similar value, bought for cash, and had at least the same amount in the bank as well. Not a penny borrowed!

I still think about it and soooo wish I had said something, brought him down a peg or 2, but then I would have brought myself down to his level!!!

With a few extra years of life experience under my belt, I can look back and just find it so amusing what a twat he was (and probably still is).

Op. Just ignore, smile sweetly etc. Mine are late teens now, but I hated primary school playground politics, even though I did have a small group of nice mums that I was, and still am, friends with.

dustarr73 · 02/03/2017 20:55

I remember your other thread,and i was hoping it was a misunderstanding.But you know what i wouldnt smile,wave or say hello.I would just blank them.That will kill them more,knowing you have no interest in them.What a rude cow for rolling the windows up,but you know you are well out of it.

Original poster

hungryhippo90 · 02/03/2017 21:23

thank you all so much for the replies, ive read them as ive gone through the day.
The thing is, i think youve all hit the nail on the head, it is an odd one, I promise im not trying to drip feed, but I have just moved into a nice new development, which is very nice in comparison to where most at the pupils in school would live, my car is fairly new, and im 15 odd years younger than queen bee.
I know that these women all live in council accomodation, which means nothing at all to me, but i do find it quite baffling that she keeps insinuating that we are worse off. Its just really, really odd.

There is nothing that could make her think that we are poorer, except for possibly that I mentioned house prices are cheaper in this area.

I refuse to let these women get me down, in the past I suffered from anxiety so badly that I didnt leave the house unless i was accompanied, and even when well I wouldnt do the school run because it was known to make me so nervous that I had panic attacks. Ive struggled so hard to get to the point where I can be able to do the school run. small thing to most, but HUGE for me.

I feel sad that these are mothers, in control of shaping young minds and lives, yet have such little regard to the effect that their childish actions could have on other people and their lives. If this was even six months ago, It would have been enough to have stopped me from taking my daughter to school. I would have booked her into wrap around care to avoid them.

OP posts:

dustarr73 · 02/03/2017 22:09

Well op that is fantastic you have come so far.We all know the rot cause is jealousy.Your 15 years younger,drive a new car and have a better house.Queen Bee is a jealous fuck.And smile at that thought.She has the problem and not you.

Thinkingblonde · 03/03/2017 08:45

You've hit the nail on the head there op. Jealous that you're a threat to her Queen Bee status.
My Queen Bee visibly blanched when I dropped into the conversation that we were looking into buying a detached house after she saw the For Sale sign go up at our semi detached, a semi which was the same as hers. She looked at me in disbelief and said...
"How can you afford that?
She broke her neck to find a detached house, she found one round the corner from our new house. I had the last laugh though, by the time she'd found it, the house prices had shot up and they paid 35k more for it than we paid for ours two years previously.
You should see the house now, it's got fake lampposts, fake Corinthian columns outside the front door, and a huge side extension which butts up to next doors fence.
You sound lovely op. Don't let the badtards grind you down.

ZaZathecat · 03/03/2017 09:09

I second justilou's approach.

I didn't have the horrible experience you did but always tended to stay outside of the big groups of mum's as there would always be one or two who I couldn't warm to (probably like your Queen Bee). Instead I talked to people who appeared to be outsiders for various reasons. From this I have made some really lovely friends who I still see 10 years later.

Good luck op. I'm sure there are some people out there more than ready to chat to you.

Serialweightwatcher · 03/03/2017 09:25

Obviously jealous of you and such a shame for you but you don't want people like that in your life - if they decided to turn up/speak to you, they'd only try to destroy you slowly so this is a lucky escape.

Just wondering if you have advice re the anxiety - I won't go out unaccompanied and been like that for years - how did you get over it if you don't mind me asking?

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 03/03/2017 10:14

Really glad they're not getting you down OP. You've come so far with managing your anxiety that you should be so proud of yourself.

Ignore queen bee 🐝 and try to make relationships with other mums.

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