Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Mums never turned up- vol 2!

95 replies

hungryhippo90 · 02/03/2017 09:16

If anyone remembers my post about mums who invited me to join them for breakfast. There wasn't any real reason why it never happened. Just so and so was Ill and another who said that they don't go to these things.

I promise I was pretty good. Did the whole! I thought I'd turned up at the wrong time! Haha!

Now none of them talk to me. They just walk past me.

I've been a bit tongue tied, but I've been nothing but bright and happy and lovely.

I smile at everyone. And i just get blanked.

OP posts:

EssentialHummus · 02/03/2017 09:53

Good luck, and remember, you are better than they are as you would never treat another person as they have treated you.

Exactly this. WTF would anyone act like this? Are they 12? I can't remember whereabouts you were from your other thread, but if it's anywhere near south London I would love to meet for coffee and I promise I will show up!

Oblomov17 · 02/03/2017 09:55

I remember your original thread. I naievely thought there had been a misunderstanding. Sorry I was so wrong. And they are clearly just a bunch of bitches!! I know its upsetting, but try not to let them get to you.

KitKat1985 · 02/03/2017 09:57

I remember your thread OP. What spiteful bitches.

Dulcimena · 02/03/2017 09:59

I lurked on your original thread. How deeply unpleasant they truly are. Lucky that you found out before allowing them into your confidence.

Agree with a PP, maintain the moral high ground at a safe distance.

Lindy2 · 02/03/2017 10:01

How nasty of them. Just remember they are the ones with a problem, not you.
It's not easy but try to simply move on. Ignore the nastiness, walk past them and maybe try to start a conversation with another more friendly mum.
They'll soon get bored if you are able to give the impression of not caring. I know it's not easy though.

SoEverybodyDance · 02/03/2017 10:06

Im sorry to hear they are so complicated in their relationships. I remember going to the park on the first day of reception and sitting on a bench with three mums who had kids in my son's class, one of whom I knew from a dance class. They were all unfriendly and hardly bothered to speak to me. I felt like a leper.

Now my LO is in year 2. Those mums are still pretty unfriendly and sometimes they don't even greet me in the street. Over time I realised they all had issues of one kind or another. And they have a reputation for being 'those mums' amongst most of the other mums in the class who are much nicer. I hope you bond with some nicer, less complicated mums as time goes on.

sadie9 · 02/03/2017 10:10

I wouldn't say they are actually plotting against you in any way shape or form. They are just not open enough to allow anyone else into their little gang. It's the same sort of shite that goes on in the school yard. People don't want their little set-up interfered with. Please please do not take this personally in any way!
They are not malicious people, they are not bitches. They are just too insular and scared to rock their own little friendship boat, so they find ignoring people an easy way out of it. I have experienced the exact same as you at the school gate. There was a pair of ladies who used to run a toddler group I went to when we lived in a small town, and in spite of going there for 6 weeks or more, they knew my name right well, yet never said hello to me, just blanked me, and continued their chat and took my money.
There are plenty people out there who are friendly and nice and open just like you, this lot just aren't those people.
If you can find some other hobby or outlet to meet people, go ahead and and do that. So that you have a few outlets to connect with people. An evening class, or a book club, or a local exercise class - all these things help to show you that there are nice people out there.
Keep doing what you are doing, you are doing nothing wrong.

NoYouDontKnowItAll · 02/03/2017 10:11

It's sad and horrible that you had this experience, I read your last thread as well and unfortunately wasn't surprised by it because there's so many people like that around. It's the reason I avoid playgrounds and clicks of mums like the plague

sonyaya · 02/03/2017 10:15

Eww, what vile people.

RachelRagged · 02/03/2017 10:18

That is bloody horrible of them OP .

They are not worth your thoughts .

diddl · 02/03/2017 10:20

How horrible & how strange.

It totally baffles me that adults can out the time & effort into this.

What sad little lives they all must lead.

So the one who you asked about & said that she doesn't go now doesn't talk to you either?

mycatwantstokillme1 · 02/03/2017 10:21

i remember this OP and sorry this has happened. Easy to say, but hold your head high and act as if they're invisible. You don't have to be rude, just act as if they don't exist, because they don't even deserve a nod.

Sunnysky2016 · 02/03/2017 10:24

No you don't seem pathetic. I have total empathy for you as I would feel the same, so you are not alone.

Original poster

hungryhippo90 · 02/03/2017 10:46

Thanks for all the nice messages everyone. I shan't let it get to me. If I do it will get to me and will have a huge effect on my life. I've got BPD so I usually take things like this especially hard.

I do think that it's possible that it's one of the mums really hasn't warmed to me, who does seem a bit like the queen bee, but I'd honestly felt that she was bigger than this.

From our first meeting, she seemed to want to know why I moved here, and was asking lifestyle specific questions which was a bit odd, but as the school has a fairly huge wealth divide I wasn't sure if she was trying to figure out where we sat in the scheme of things (still weird but...)
After this she had said a few things like oh is that your car?! Whilst pointing to a very old knackered looking one, when I politely said, no it's that one. Pointed to my car, and she seemed put out that my car was the same as hers, except a few years newer.
Another time I'd oohed and aaahed about her hair. She had one of those lovely pastel colours in her hair. She replied with "I had it done at such and such salon, you probably couldn't afford it" because I'm so tongue tied and I often say so many arse over tit, I didn't judge her thinking she could be horrified how her comments have come out.
I still greeted her in a friendly way.

She shut her car window on me as I waved yesterday which was the start of the ignoring from the whole bunch.

Am I being really bad to say that they will not wear me down? I will be waving and saying hello, and smiling at every bloody person who passes me! I will be cheery if it bloody kills me (I've been too depressed for too long!)

OP posts:

MagicMojito · 02/03/2017 10:51

Hi OP i remember your other thread too and knew it would be this type of situation although didnt say anything as its a pretty crappy thing to be told, also i suppose its always best to give people the benefit of the doubt!

I have terrible social anxiety, i get really really awkward and i used to DREAD the school run, especially at pick up time when there is a general small talk/ chitchat atmosphere amongst waiting parents. The thing that makes it bearable for me is to make a consious choice to NOT be a part of it. I decide myself that im staying on the outside, i literally stand right away from everyone, i smile politely if anyone does it to me (rarely!) But i seperate myself so that nobody has the power to do it to me first. Even though the end result is the same I do feel better about it. Its the old
"You cant control other peoples behaviour but you CAN control your own."

It really makes me feel better

Maybe worth a go?

MagicMojito · 02/03/2017 10:53

And by the way, you sound lovely, they on the other hand.....

MagicMojito · 02/03/2017 10:54

And by the way, you sound lovely, they on the other hand.....

Dulcimena · 02/03/2017 10:55

Oh she sounds as though she has issues up to her eyeballs! Consider this a lucky escape.

EssentialHummus · 02/03/2017 10:55

She replied with "I had it done at such and such salon, you probably couldn't afford it"

Honestly, leave her to it. She can grumble about your car/hair/whatever else to her bezzies and leave you in peace.

AlmaMartyr · 02/03/2017 10:56

They all sound horrible but that lady you're describing sounds appalling. Fuck 'em OP, you're worth so much better.

for you :)

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 02/03/2017 10:57

Sorry to hear that OP.

Hope you find some mum friends soon who appreciate you

IamFriedSpam · 02/03/2017 10:58

Some people act like they never left primary school themselves.

Applebite · 02/03/2017 10:59

I really don't understand why people would act like this. What do they get out of it?

THIS. with great big donging bells on.

bunch of idiots. you sound lovely. they sound like tossers.

Applebite · 02/03/2017 11:02

"I had it done at such and such salon, you probably couldn't afford it"

what the actual fuck? and I say that as someone who, in the pre-baby days, regularly spent £350 on a cut and colour. and not once would it ever have occurred to me to think it was better than anyone else's, or to comment on it, or to admit how much it cost except anonymously online!

stupid stupid woman. this thread is giving me the rage on your behalf.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 02/03/2017 11:03

Don't forget its them that aren't an asset to society not you!! I don't speak to anyone at our school really - the kids are lovely but given up trying to chat to parents!! Shame you aren't at our school!!

Flip

1 2 3 4