to ask for your suggestions to getting car share passenger to change?

[winobaglady]

I drive, she doesn't. We have small car share pool, I know one of the other drivers gets annoyed by this behaviour but they are more hard line.

Car share partner (let's call her Lisa) is always late when collecting in the morning. If told she will be collected at 0710, she comes out of her house at 0713/0714. Ok, only a couple of minutes, but we then go on to collect others, meaning they are waiting for collection. Also, it's the time of day when even 5 or 10 minutes delay at the start of the 30 minute journey might mean getting caught in traffic at the other end for up to 20 additional mins.

Other driver has once waited 2 mins, then gone to pick up others then returned to collect Lisa. Doesn't seem to have changed behaviour.

Also, there's no point collecting others first, as they live en route, so doing that would entail doubling back.

I'd just like her to manage to get out on time in the morning. I've said gentle things like "Oh I was about to phone to check you were coming", but she usually says things like "my bra fastening got stuck in my hair" and "I couldn't fine the shoes I wanted".
She does contribute to petrol

Apologies, long post.

[chicaguapa]

Have you synchronised watches/clocks to make sure your 7:10 is the same as hers?

[Whitney168]

Other driver has once waited 2 mins, then gone to pick up others then returned to collect Lisa. Doesn't seem to have changed behaviour.

But by doing this, they've inconvenienced themselves and the others. Surely the thing to do is just continue with journey if Lisa doesn't have the manners to be there on time, and she has to find her own way there? I bet it wouldn't take many times of that to make her more punctual.

[Floggingmolly]

How is Lisa part of your car share group if she doesn't drive? Unless she's bringing something else to the table as well as the problems she's causing, she should be left to organise herself, surely?

[SantinoRice]

If she was going for a train she'd be on time. She's late because you allow her to be & she doesn't respect you.

Just tell her: if you're not there, I'm not waiting.

[1bighappyfamily]

As someone who is married to someone like this ("Are you ready to leave DH?" "Yes. I just need to put on my shoes/shirt/brush my teeth/find my wallet/have a poo." THEN YOU'RE NOT BLOODY READY), I agree with those who say, if she's not there, she doesn't get collected. I have literally driven off without him out of sheer frustration.

I have tried giving him more time, more warnings about when we have to leave, etc., etc. and when none of it was working, gave up, and just told him a time once and then let him get on with it. The only scenario in which I will now facilitate faffing is when it will have a direct impact on the children. If he's embarrassed in front of his friends or family, tough.

It's really hard but you have to stop letting her ineptitude and selfishness be your problem or having an impact on your day.

[ReginaGeorgeinSheepsClothing]

Is it some kind of work thing where they make you car share?

[RortyCrankle]

Don't mess around telling her 7.05 when you mean 7.10 etc. Presumably she's an adult who understands English so tell her: It's unfair that you being late impacts on others waiting to be collected so in future if you are not ready when I arrive I will not wait and you must make your own way'.

[harderandharder2breathe]

I'm a non driver and if someone is doing me a favour picking me up I'll damn well make sure I'm outside waiting for them a few minutes before the agreed time.

It's not a non driver thing to keep others waiting. It's a selfish twat thing.

[EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard]

Say Lisa, there's a problem with this car pool arrangement. It's your alternative to a bus or train, so you need to treat it the same. It's disrespectful and inefficient to constantly be held up waiting for one person, if you need to start getting ready earlier then that's what you must do. In future if you're not there, I won't be stopping.

[ReginaGeorgeinSheepsClothing]

1big do you have clone of my husband?? He does this all the time. Are you ready to go? Yep and I'll get shoes jacket on get baby in the sling I'll be standing at the front door with the keys in hand and then he will do the same thing, and then it's about 20 minutes before he actually at the door!!

[blackcherries]

sorry harderandharder didn't mean to imply that!

[LemonBreeland]

As others have said you do just need to get strict with her. If she is not there just leave without her. I have a colleague who I occasionally take to meetings. She is rarely waiting outside and I have to sit and wait for. If I'm doing someone a favour I expect them to be courteous to not leave me waiting.

[Bluntness100]

I'd tell her 7.05 collection, then you know she will be ready.

[Kiroro]

I would tel her to be on the street at [5 mins to time to leave] and if she isn't there when you pull up then drive on by.

[MaynJune]

Those of us who bother to be punctual waste far too much time being inconvenienced by the Lisas of this world.
Why on earth should you tell her to be out at 7.05? She's not a child. I wouldn't wait two minutes either. She should be out at the kerb a couple of minutes before you're due to arrive. If she's not there, don't stop.

[Sidge]

This would drive me potty.

I'd tell her "I'll see you outside at 0710. If you're not there I won't be waiting and will leave and you'll have to make your own way to work."

Then aim to arrive at 0708, wait 2 minutes (there's nothing worse than standing out on the kerb in the cold and rain even if for 5 minutes, I'd wait inside looking out the window and run out as soon as I see someone pull up) and if she hasn't come out by 0710 then leave.

She'll soon learn.

[IamFriedSpam]

FloggingMolly OP said she contributes to petrol (although as a non-driver I always contributed more than the driver to petrol as they had to actually drive and pay insurance, upkeep on car etc.).

[ChicRock]

If Lisa had to get a bus to work she'd damn well be at the bus stop on time and wouldn't dream of thinking the driver would double back to get her if she wasn't there on time.

She might be contributing financially - but it must still be costing her far less, both financially and time wise, to be part of the lift share.

Can't believe people are suggesting that you tell a fully grown adult an earlier 'fake' time to allow for her tardiness.

Just stop fannying around, if she's not there, drive on. It'll take 2 days max before she bucks up and learns the lesson.

[ShimmyOhoh]

Bear in mind that if you do drive to work without her and she is unable to get to work you may face disciplinary action at work if the company feels that it is your fault that she is not getting to work. This happened to a colleague of mine at a job a few years ago who refused to bring a colleague in any longer as she was always late to the place where he picked her up from. He got a warning over it!

[loobyloo1234]

Tell her pick up change has been moved to 7am. Then get there at 7.10 - and she'll be there

[expatinscotland]

What Sidge said. I wouldn't tell her pick up is earlier, she's an adult not a teenager.

[TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork]

Bear in mind that if you do drive to work without her and she is unable to get to work you may face disciplinary action at work if the company feels that it is your fault that she is not getting to work

Nonsense. You cannot get disciplinary action for refusing to make yourself late for work by waiting for someone else who works their. You are not in anyway responsible for anyone else getting to work.

[ShimmyOhoh]

It happened at my old workplace though TheOnlyLiving. I think my colleague was accused of obstructing business needs or something like that. Sickening!

[TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork]

Then your colleague should have refused to take any official warning. It wouldn't have stood up to any outside scrutiny at all.