to allow ds1 (4.5) choose his playmates?

[mikado1]

A great friend of mine has a lovely ds1, a year younger than mine. We get together every few weeks and the two definitely run each other up the wrong way at times. Mostly no one really at fault, other times her ds e.g. repeatedly bangs toy on my ds' hand and (as one of us goes to help) my ds lashes out by pushing him away... he definitely retaliates completely disproportionately which have been working on. Anyway they're to call tomorrow and ds1 says he doesn't want him round and I can see he just doesn't gel with him. A lot to do with him being younger I think. Wwyd ? Should add friend loves us all getting together and think her ds likes mine. I will be going ahead with tomorrow as it's planned but am wondering for the future.

Sounds like they need more adult led activities and supervision

I'd probably explain to DS that you want to see your friend and that her DS has to come too.

I think it depends - since they don't particularly get on Certainly wouldn't arrange playdates for their benefit but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect him to be polite when this other little boy comes over with his mum. I wouldn't insist that they play together though - perhaps you could set up some toys for the smaller boy to play with independently. At 4.5 I can understand why your DS finds it frustrating to play with a (from his perspective) much younger child.

You arrange to see your friend. Your child does not get to stop this happening.

Maybe you might need to structure their time together a bit more. Children this age sometimes find just "hanging out" difficult......

My neice is the same age. She's been taught to be polite to everyone, and gentle to younger kids. Not sure why your son can't be polite or why he can't restrain himself from hitting a younger child? Surely at 4.5 he goes to school and wouldn't dream of getting violent there. You need to supervise better and tell him off when he retaliates disproportionately.

Thanks all. Good to have a sounding board.