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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to want to cause him severe pain!

23 replies

lornski · 27/02/2017 20:39

my DDs fiance of 4 years has just told her he will not be going ahead with their wedding in 10 weeks time! together 7 years, engaged for 4 & only now the invites are due to go out has he decided marriage is not for him. should say he cancelled his previous "wedding" 10 days before the date saying he had "fallen out of love" with her (ex partner). my dd and him plan to still live together and he thinks he might want to get married later..... i want to rip him limb from limb for the pain he is causing my little girl!

OP posts:

TheWitTank · 27/02/2017 20:41

Nope, YANBU. That's really shitty

AndShesGone · 27/02/2017 20:42

It's a lucky escape ! Imagine if she'd married the twat ?!

for you and her

MrsChopper · 27/02/2017 20:44

Altbough it's shitty, at least he didn't leave her at the altar

Jayfee · 27/02/2017 20:44

ooh i feel for you. at least my dd broke up with her shitty partner

MeNeedSleep · 27/02/2017 20:45

I hope your dd breaks up with him!

mummymummums · 27/02/2017 20:48

That's pants. The problem as I see it is she needs to be able to accept just living with him with no hope of anything more - how could she trust him if they booked another wedding?? It's not like this is his first time! Imagine if she was expecting a baby and he decided it wasn't for him. He sounds a right twat.
All you can do is back her and support her decisions (and I guess that'll have to involve seeing him at family get togethers)

SugarMiceInTheRain · 27/02/2017 20:48

YANBU to want to. I hope she dumps him pronto. For her own self-respect and sanity. What a horrible thing to do.

mummymummums · 27/02/2017 20:49

I mean if she chooses to stay with him

TathitiPete · 27/02/2017 20:53

Its your DDs decision whether or not to stay but I know I'd find it very hard to trust him again. Yanbu at all for imagining him in various medieval torture devices though.

MrsExpo · 27/02/2017 20:54

Definitely dodged a bullet there. But why are they staying together? He "thinks" that he "might" want to get married later. The man's a moron. Be grateful he's not about to become your son in law any time soon and hope your daughter moves on before he reconsiders. She deserves better. YANBU.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 27/02/2017 20:54

I wouldn't imagine the relationship lasting much longer. .

GatoradeMeBitch · 27/02/2017 21:42

Looking on the bright side - at least she won't be legally shackled to a cockwomble! That may turn out to be a blessing...

sonyaya · 27/02/2017 21:44

What an utter cunt. to your DD, who can do so much better.

IhatchedaSnorlax · 27/02/2017 21:54

What a fucker. This happened to a friend of mine - they split up for a while (about a year or so) & eventually got back together & did get married but in the meantime, her dad had died & the wedding was quite a sad affair really. They are still together now (10 yrs later) but we're all wary of him - she seems happy though so that's all that matters. Hugs for your DD.

Original poster

lornski · 27/02/2017 22:56

thank you. she's clinging on to hope that he will change his mind. she "loves" him. for now i have to wait it out and be there when she finally smells the coffee and gets the hell outta that relationship!

OP posts:

glueandstick · 27/02/2017 23:05

I think your little girl (because she'll always be your little girl) needs a non-judgemental mum to take her on holiday/spa day.

And in the meantime hope his knob goes green and falls off.

leighb23 · 27/02/2017 23:24

Oh glue, I just did a really big snort of laughter at his green knob falling off. A sentiment I echo. What a total prick!!

heateallthebuns · 27/02/2017 23:31

Yanbu he is so selfish! I hope she comes to her senses. 7 years is a long time! How old are they? How long was he with previous fiancé? What a dick!

MiddleClassProblem · 27/02/2017 23:36

I would be suggesting he gets counciling as it sounds like the idea of marriage is freaking him out. It's fine to not want to get married but you got to stop getting engaged!

It's sounds like he needs to explore why it freaks him out and if he actually ever does want to marry anyone.

mineallmine · 28/02/2017 14:26

My now dh did this but not as close to the wedding. We'd been together 4 years, engaged for 1 and were due to marry in April. In January he said we weren't ready to get married (because I was going back to do a post grad). He was 34! Although devastated, I agreed. I went away for a long weekend with my Mum and my best friend. My mum was really silent on it all though I knew she was seething. My friend was brilliant- she didn't tear him to shreds like I know she wanted to but she said if we didn't get married now, we never would because there would always be an excuse. So I told dp that we either went ahead with the wedding as planned or that was it for us. He immediately agreed to go ahead but it did put a shadow over everything.

That said, we're 20 years happily married now. For my dh, it was pure panic and while it was awful for me, it was better that the people around kept their hatred to themselves because it all worked out in the end. I don't know that Ive ever really forgiven him though.

Leeds2 · 28/02/2017 16:03

Your poor DD. I hope she wakes up and smells the coffee too.

Is he offering to pay for any financial losses incurred by the cancellation? Things like the invitations, dress, any lost deposits etc?

badabeedabom · 28/02/2017 16:08

It's fine to not want to get married but you got to stop getting engaged!

This.

This is a deal breaker IMO. Either they break up, or he gets counselling to figure out what's actually going on with him.

I agree that he's done the right thing by saying it now, most definitely, but to think that he can change his mind after FOUR YEARS and the relationship will continue on as it is and maybe get married in the future ? The trust has gone, they need to split or work on his issue.

(I'm not married BTW and don't see anything wrong with not marrying! But you don't dangle it like a carrot and then snatch it away again.)

CigarsofthePharoahs · 28/02/2017 16:09

In her position I'd be breaking out the chilli powder and eyeing up his underwear draw...
Of course you could offer him a conciliatory box of chocolates laced with laxatives....
Just be there for your daughter. Let her rant or cry or whatever she needs. I hope she just needs a bit of time to process it, then she'll leave.
Make sure he pays for all lost deposits.

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