To not tell her I'm been induced

[pinkberry7258]

So I'm due my baby in a few weeks and I know I'm going to be induced the same weekend mil is going away to celebrate a family occasion with 20 members of the family that's been booked for months.
Now it doesn't bother me that she is going away as she won't be allowed visit in hospital due to restrictions and I'm planning on breastfeeding so will appreciate a bit of time at home to get used to feeding but she keeps saying she wants to cancel if I'm going to have the baby that weekend. AIBU to not tell her I'm being induced and just say I've had the baby or would you say it's selfish for her not to know?

Presumably mil has booked her holiday knowing it's near your due date and you could potentially have the baby that weekend though? Surely if she'd be very upset to not be the first visitor she wouldn't be going regardless?

Ugh, don't tell her. I had all my in laws camped in the hospital coffee shop for four days and it got to the point that I was one more decade of the rosary followed by "(sigh)...nothing yet?...(louder sigh)" from a spectacular and bloody act of violence. My parents were back and forth dealing with my animals so were less constantly present and my DH was flapping around dealing with his family and their needs so I was on my own a lot getting more stressed and uptight by the minute.

Funnily enough the induction did not go well and resulted in an EMCS. Given the chance again I wouldn't tell a soul until it's done and dusted. You need to take care of yourself, OP. Everyone else can sort themselves out.

I think it's absolutely fine not to tell her. I'm afraid I don't fully understand the timings and motivations of everything in your post but from what I gather, firstly it sounds like you have nothing definitive to tell her yet anyway. More importantly, I would consider being induced as private medical information, that is nobody else's business. I've seen on other threads here people advising not to tell relatives even after the baby is born - I completely disagree with this as I think the fact of adding a new family member IS the business of the wider family. So medical stuff, private to you. Actual baby's actual arrival, she does have a legitimate interest in being informed.

I'm assuming that you aren't telling dozens of other people and specifically excluding MIL.

Why do people think the Op doesn't want her mil to know she's being induced?

At a wild guess, for the reasons she's stated in the thread

I would tell her, I think it's really smug and mean not to tell parents/in laws just because you want it a secret. Unless of course they are over bearing, would turn up at hospital etc.

If she wants to cancel her holiday leave her to it it's her waste, but as long as she knows she won't be going to hospital and it literally could take days, it's her call.

I think it's totally normal to want to give birth without lots of attention and fuss. To want some stillness and quiet post birth. This experience is about yours and the baby being comfortable and happy. Not other people's desires

It's up to you what you do, but ultimately you don't know you are being induced that weekend. If you see the consultant on a Friday he/she will book you for an induction and unless it's urgent it is unlikely to be the next day. It was 10 days wait for my appointment.

As others have said labour may then be quick or take several days anyway.

Good luck!

But it isn't smug or mean at all. I am one of those people who don't live my life on social media with everyone knowing what I am doing. Seriously, why would anyone need to know the OP is in labour?
It would be far less stressful for her to know that no-one is camping out in the coffee shop or hassling the busy hospital staff about her progress. IMO labour is a private thing between the mother to be, her birthing partner and the HCPs involved. I'm sure the last thing she needs is interfering relatives.

It isn't anyone else's business.

Why do you think she doesn't want to tell her MIL, Navy?

*It isn't anyone else's business'.

Exactly this. I'm close to both my parents and my IL's but didn't tell either I was in labour. If it had gone on for days or there were any problems DH would have let them know. I had other things on my mind.

I was induced...took 30 minutes to get to 6 cm and dd born within 4 hours from start to finish so can be quick. However dont tell mil let her enjoy weekend whilst you get used to your new born. Nice surprise for to come home to

Navy she mentions that MIL has said she'd cancel the weekend celebration if the baby comes then. She doesn't want her to cancel the weekend.

Also, if she doesn't want to tell people she's being induced / in labour she doesn't have to! There are ways someone can fuss and hover without physically being there (constantly calling, texting, agitating to come visit the minute you get home from hospital, guilt-tripping if you want just a bit of time alone first... a whole variety of things depending on your relationship with the various individuals involved)

If I knew someone had cancelled a weekend away because I was having the baby then, I'd feel under pressure to produce the baby during the weekend!

Op - don't say you might be induced, let her enjoy her weekend away and if you do end up having the baby get DH to call her straight away to say the baby is here but to carry on with her weekend as no visitors yet.

I wouldn't bother OP. My SIL was induced and baby still took 3 days to make an appearance. And then when he did arrive it was restricted visitors so no one could see him or hold him anyway. They did tell my mum (the MIL in this case) and she was on tenterhooks the whole time and then disappointed not to be able to go up to hospital etc and tbh would have been better off with a white lie of "baby's here - he came all of a sudden with no time to ring people". Totally up to you but just my two cents.

It seems a bit much not to tell MIL if your telling your own DM. But if she's the type to cancel everything and be parked outside the delivery suite then maybe YABU.

I was induced with DC2. Told it would take at least 12 hours for things to get started. Eh, no. DC2 born within 7 hours of pessary being inserted.

*YANBU

I don't think it's because she is being altruistic that's for sure

Well no, surely we don't have to be completely altruistic when it comes to labour? Were you?

I sure MIL wouldn't be cancelling her holiday for altruistic reasons either.

We told family and close friends when I was induced.

Mil had died earlier that year. Our ds was Fil's 8th grandchild and he isn't a hoverer. My parents live in a different country so couldn't hover.

So in our case, no one was pacing coffee shops, or ringing me or DH, or turning up to hassle the staff.

I was to be induced at 8am on a Wednesday, so they brought me in 6pm Tuesday night for monitoring etc (we aren't in UK so don't know how common this is), and hooked me up to the machine that goes PING. I was so nervous I think DS sensed it and naturally started off at 11pm that evening. He was born at 9.20am.

You could tell your Mil that you ate going to be induced but make it clear she shouldnt' cancel her weekend. Or you could keep it to yourself. Only you know how your Mil would take it.

Congratulations btw

My induction took 3 days to work. Don't tell her until baby arrives.