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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want house guests when my baby is due??

26 replies

daisysmummy09 · 27/02/2017 14:34

So, I promised my cousin that when she visits from Australia this year that she, her husband and three kids could stay with us (she has also asked since if her brother and his wife and kids can stay too). I would usually be very happy for them to stay. However, she keeps putting the date back (by 4 months now)and is now due to be staying the same week I am due!!! We havent told anyone yet that I'm expecting - it's early days so they obviously don't know. I'm worried already about telling them they can't stay. I just don't think I could face having a house full of people any where near the time of the baby arriving. Any advice would be great.

OP posts:

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 27/02/2017 14:38

You are allowed to tell her that that week isn't convenient - you've already booked a holiday, or your mum is coming to visit or something. If it's only early days in your pregnancy then they've got plenty of time to rearrange.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/02/2017 14:39

How close are you? I only ask as her asking for another family to come too strikes me as super cheeky. That aside you could buy yourself some time and say you are on holiday if you don't want to tell them you are pregnant, although it will be more awkward once flights are booked and I assume realistically you won't want them to stay for the foreseeable at all now so I would knock it on the head ASAP

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 27/02/2017 14:40

Congratulations

How long are you thinking of waiting until you tell people? If it's only a few weeks I would just wait until then (avoiding conversations about their visit in the meantime) and tell them the good news, followed by "which unfortunately does mean that we won't be able to host you on your trip over anymore with the timing as it is. I'm sure you understand with a newborn it would just be too hectic". They are your family and presumably they think a lot of you so they will want to lighten your load, not make things stressful and spoil your time with your new baby.

If you have to speak with them about their trip before you are ready to give the good news, I would invent another reason why you can't host them (already have friends from abroad staying at that time?) and then come clean with the real reason once you are ready to share the baby news.

WeAreEternal · 27/02/2017 14:41

I agree with Felicia, just say sorry that week is not convenient as we already have something arranged.

IamFriedSpam · 27/02/2017 14:41

As others have said just say that the months X-Y won't be convenient but you'd love to have them any other time. YADNBU no one would want an entire house full of guests especially including children when due to give birth and if she's visiting to have a holiday and go sight seeing etc. she might well prefer to come when you won't be giant and immobile and about to go into labour.

andontothenext · 27/02/2017 14:41

So she doesn't know you're pregnant?

Unfortunately your hospitality has backfired a bit.

I think you need to be upfront and tell her the truth. No harm done - just be truthful

Pineappletastic · 27/02/2017 14:41

YANBU, but I think you need to tell them they can't stay then (and why) asap so they don't lose money.

Personally I'd tell very close people, plus them, about the pregnancy in confidence now, but I know some people prefer not to tell anyone until later.

ImperialBlether · 27/02/2017 14:42

Don't tell her you're on holiday as she'll ask to borrow the house!

StrawberryShortcake32 · 27/02/2017 14:42

Just tell them that week isn't convenient. Although baby may be late which is common for a first baby.

That being said you probably still may not want house guests when babys a week or two old. If that's the case it's tricky.

How trustworthy are they? If it were me I'd tell them the truth and ask them to keep shtum about it. Maybe suggesting they book a hotel or stay at another family member or friends house if they still want to come on that date.

CoraPirbright · 27/02/2017 14:42

How close are you? Would you feel comfortable telling her the truth and could she be trusted to keep schtum until you are ready to tell everyone? Unless she is super-self absorbed, being a mother herself she will surely understand that a massive houseful and impending labour simply don't mix!

Xmasbaby11 · 27/02/2017 14:43

Tell her the truth now and be very clear about when she can come.

arbrighton · 27/02/2017 14:43

I wouldn't be allowing 8 people to stay in my house anyway- I genuinely wouldn't have room!

You're just going to have to say 'before x (say 3 weeks before due date) or after y (say 2 months old for that many people!)' or can't do it, sorry

pigsDOfly · 27/02/2017 14:44

Well, unless you live in a massive house that's an awful lot of people to accommodate, I take it you mean all at the same time? So no, it would be perfectly reasonable to say that time doesn't work for you. She doesn't seem to have any qualms about messing you around. She can change the time to suit her, you can say that doesn't work for you.

You're not running a hotel.

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 27/02/2017 14:54

I would tell her you're hosting some old friend's/partner's family around that time, and following that you're having the kitchen and bathroom refitted and a loft conversion - that should put them off booking tickets and wasting their money.

SapphireStrange · 27/02/2017 15:05

I agree, tell them that week isn't good for you but be vague/tell a white lie about why.

When you announce the pregnancy you can explain why you had to do this; I'm sure they'll understand.

Blossomdeary · 27/02/2017 15:08

Tell her the truth - ask her to keep it under her hat till you give her the nod.

If she does not understand or cannot be trusted to zip her lip, then she is not the sort of person you need as a house guest any time at all!

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/02/2017 15:11

Yep, you don't have to tell her why that week isn't good. Either you'll be away, or hosting other people so no room.

MimiSunshine · 27/02/2017 15:13

So 5 people were coming to stay and she asked if another what 3 minimum, 4 even 5 more came as well?

You must have a bloody big house and she is very cheeky.

However I do think you have to tell her ASAP though as although it sounds like she's messed you around, the cost of flights is huge.

Realistically you probably won't want the 5 of them staying for a good long while from just before before your due date and after so I'd either just tell her your news and ask her to keep it in strictest confidence or tell her that as the dates have moved back by 4 months you are sorry but you have to take back your offer and now can't accommodate them unfortunately. Make it clear that it's due to her moving the dates and not that you've changed your mind.

GloGirl · 27/02/2017 15:15

You have to tell her ASAP she'll want to be booking a holiday soon and I probably wouldn't want her there for at least 4 months post due date so she needs to know so she can organise new dates and not book tickets etc.

Kiroro · 27/02/2017 15:31

Just say that you would love to have them but that new dates don't work. Can they stick to the original dates? If not, you won't be able to offer them space at the house but would love to see them if they stay in a B&B.

DPotter · 27/02/2017 15:44

It wont just be the week you are due that's the issue ! You'll need 4 weeks leading up to you're due date and a couple after as well, so its best to be honest with her.

I had to tell my parents much earlier than we had planned as they phoned all excited to tell us about a holiday they had booked - with my sister & her family and her DH mum and Dsil's family too !

Don't be tempted to say they can stay within 2 weeks or so of your due date; first of all babies can be late, you'll be knackered and everyone else will be visiting / wanting to stay as well!

WateryTart · 27/02/2017 15:47

She's taking the piss anyway - just tell her it isn't convenient.

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 27/02/2017 15:53

That's sort of what I had in mind, DPotter, about not wanting visitors when the baby is tiny/due imminently. I'm revising what I said - say you're thinking about moving into a doer upper so no, you can't commit to putting them up, and they should only book tickets if they can afford hotels.

You need an excuse that they'll buy enough that they won't chance staying with you, and that you can then announce has been shelved, as now you're having a baby. And congrats!

Crunchymum · 27/02/2017 16:01

How big is your house?

Seriously, I think you need to be honest (but by all means tell her to keep it confidential). The issue is even if you tell her the dates don't work she might come back to you and suggest a few weeks later.

I'd reply with something along the lines of

"Hi Cousin,

The dates you plan to come over are not going to work as (God willing) our baby will be due then. Yep I'm pregnant!!

Obviously it's early days but I just wanted to let you know, so you don't think we are rude about not being able to put you up.

You are welcome to come for the original dates, or when baby is a bit older.

If you still want to come in October I can help you find somewhere local on airbnb.

Appreciate you keeping the baby news to yourself until we announce

Love Daisy"

I'd be tempted to add in a "ps we're not a fucking hostel so no your brother and his family can't come" but you seem OK with the extra guests???

How is her brother not your cousin by the way?

Trifleorbust · 27/02/2017 16:03

Just tell her. No reasonable person would break your confidentiality or mind at all. No-one would expect you to have a whole gang of people staying with you around your due date either.

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