AIBU to ask how any barristers out there cope with their work + family?

[user1488204592]

Hi all-

Long time user but new account for this (couldn't name change because I can't remember password!) I would really love to become a barrister (definitely not crime) and am working towards doing so.

I love the self-employed aspect coupled with the ability to work from home. I only want to have a small practice, I am not overly ambitious and am not the type to try for silk or anything like that. Ideally, I want to be able to go into chambers once every couple of weeks and complete the majority of my work from home, is this at all possible?

Could any ) barristers give me the real inside scoop? Is it as flexible as I think? Will I be able to spend time with my young family and work as a barrister?

So AIBU to ask what it's really like to work as a barrister with a family?

Thanks

I wouldn't have a partner who wanted me to be relied on primarily for childcare u nelss I suppose he were on £5m a year (rather than your "vocation" career apparently sexist husband)..... I would drum that out of him tonight. Mr vocation will just have to put his vocation aside and do 50% of the picks ups from nursery or chase home 3 days a week to let the nanny go home!

I know barristers and solicitors (I'm a commercial law solicitor). I know barrister male and female who try to take a good bit of time off in the school holidays and when you are a bit more senior court timetables are not too bad for that kind of thing. However you will need to put in a lol of hours early on whether you are a solicitor or barrister.

(The person who put their law firm employer name earlier on this thread might just want to get that taken down by the way as perhaps it's a bit identifying)

I've been able to work part time as a solicitor very easily, but that's been a pretty non traditional path. Not mad keen on law firms. Not all of us work in them.

Strange about the 'vocation' comment - the bar is very much a vocation. I do a lot of work for no payment. And when they say you are 'called to the bar', I think it is quite literally a calling.
I was thinking about this thread earlier, and what I think I struggle with most is the constant feeling that there is work to do. It is not the sort of job where you down tools and go home. Instead, I often (shamefully) have a child under one arm whilst lying on my bed trying to prepare a case. It makes for tricky typing. And because of my area of practice, the subject matter is often horrible to have to deal with at home with small children around. I am probably not as patient as a parent as a result.
And I could not afford a nanny, or any other paid help really.
To me, if you can contemplate being a solicitor, then there are other options for you. When I started out, I so wanted to be a barrister that I had to fail at that first before contemplating something else. Fortunately, I got pupillage and am still chugging along.

I'm a solicitor and I've always found that tax (whether corporate or personal and I have done both) gives a better work/life balance than other areas of law.

I was a court based barrister and that was a pretty terrible job. People manage it with children but it's bloody hard work. I'd aim for a solicitor type role with maternity leave and more civilised hours and then transfer later on. There are some in house pupillages although not many.

Please don't ever assume your partner's work is more important than your own OP.

I would be reconsidering having children with someone who felt only my job should be impacted when we started a family!! Juggling work and children is hard at the best of times without that.

I'm a solicitor, I work in-house doing really interesting work with very flexible hours (I work school hours 4 days/week and make up my full week when children are in bed). But those roles are pretty rare still sadly (not sure why as it actually works really well!)

Have a look at the Government Legal Department - they offer pupillage and it's a family friendly working environment. The downside is the pay!

One of my good friends' is a barrister. He and his wife have chosen to only have one child, as feasibly his time couldn't stretch farther than that. He said for the first several years of his career, he was working upwards of 70 hours per week, and it's still unpredictable.

I did a Law degree, and didn't bother to pursue a career in it as the job prospects are grim and working your way up from bottom takes years, earning a pittance, and working many more hours than you would in most other jobs.

I work standard full time hours in a law firm, but don't have any particular leanings towards making partner if truth be told! The firm I'm at is very flexible and there's a fair few part time / flexibly-working solicitors.

We are encouraged to WFH 1-2 times a week and have all the technology to allow us to do this reasonably well (the only bugbear for me is that we aren't paperless, so you can have a whole forest of printing to sort / file the next day you're in the office).

I occasionally work at home in the evenings if my workload gets hectic, but in the almost-18 months since I've worked here that's only been on a handful of occasions (it was actually worse when I first started due to the 'file dump' I got; my workload flows far more steadily now.

I'm not a corporate lawyer and I don't work in London. There isn't any huge money in my sector. But, it's alright for me, which is what matters!

Not in the legal profession, but having done some research when I first started my law degree I realised that it was impossible to be as hands on with my daughter as I am, so the career plans had to go (I was a single parent, no support) but god, I'm jealous reading about the daily lives of you lot.

Solicitor here. One DD age 3, DH self employed but works away often. I work PT, have done since DD was 6 months. I am lucky in that I can work from home, with some hours flexible. This is highly unusual though, and largely to do with type of work I do. Can't imagine court work, either as solicitor or advocate, but am mightily impressed by those who manage it!

Tbh I wouldn't encourage anybody in to law. Firm structures are outdated, is very high risk now and pay not great for the nature of the job. I know librarians who earn more than me!

Good luck op

Give me choc- the grass is always greener!

Naked - I totally agree that the arrangement you have works really well; for me too. Maybe in another hundred years it will catch on ...

I've not done it myself but I've worked for various barristers and solicitors in London - it was something at one point I was quite interested in. But having managed their schedules and seen how much work they have, I don't think a career in law is very compatible at all with a young family.

It's doable if the tw of you worked together. Ask yourself why both of you think it should be you who sacrifices their vocation and love for the job rather than him, surely it's both of you together.

I stopped at the first hurdle after a law degree and went into legal publishing (where I still am) and quite a few lawyers move over to the writing side with children. Other authors make it work (as in my authors who are barrister). I had one who was a very high profile lawyer and married to a very high profile man who had two children. She took maternity leave and worked from home.

Like any career though you need to be established first. I did legal publishing for 7 years before children it's vital in managing it

I am a barrister specialising primarily in employment law. I didn't have children until I was 10 years call, which I think made it easier as I was in court much more frequently in the early days. I now have two children. I am in a very flexible and accommodating chambers; I work 4 days a week and my husband works full time although his hours are more flexible than mine. We have a mixture of a nanny, nursery, and a small amount of grandparentall help and after school provision for childcare.

For the most part on my day off I genuinely don't work at all. I have managed to keep doing long court hearings by asking them not to sit on my day off, which they often agree to. If they don't, I can choose whether to say no to the case or arrange cover (usually our nanny or grandparents).

It has taken a lot of hard work to carve out that day - my clerks were initially dubious and I had to insist that I genuinely didn't want to work even if work was available. And I do often work evenings (I get back for a bit of evening/bath/bed and then work afterwards) and sometimes also weekends, so our couple time can be limited. But on the whole I'may happy with the balance is have. I have got lots better at just taking time with the kids when I get the chance eg when cases settle. And as long as I'm not in court I can take my eldest to school. I agree with the advice about booking Christmas plays/sports day out miles in advance.

I know other members of chambers with more paper based practices do often work from home but they still need childcare in place whilst they do so. But it does mean they can be with the kids for lunch and are on hand as soon as they finish work.

I do think things are getting easier for parents at the bar but you do need to be clear about what you want and insist on it which is hard when you start out. If your partner's work is inflexible that will be very tricky too. My husband does travel for work but he is told about it a long time in advance so I can book the relevant time out of my diary. It wouldn't work otherwise.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

How sad that you are already compromising your future career, thinking about childcare, holding yourself back, for when you have children potentially years in the future. While your partner has stated blithely he loves his job so won't be doing any of that. How sad.

bigkid, I agree. When women routinely say that to their husbands before babies are born we might be rumbling towards a little bit of equality.....

Barrister here - civil side (not the well paid stuff alas), and I also sit as a criminal Recorder (judge). It is very do-able - you just have to work out in advance what you're prepared to do/not do to balance work and home.
I didn't have my child until I was 13 years in, and I came back quickly on 4 days a week. Made it clear I wasn't available for Fridays for a while, and didn't take any work that required overnights for a few years. Solicitors were fine with it because I was consistent and didn't promise what I couldn't deliver. Clerks took some winning over but once they were clear it was non-negotiable (and I'd made them call the solicitors back to explain they had booked me without checking - hugely embarrassing for them) it was fine too.

The key to it was having reliable childcare - we've had the same nanny now for many years. I think nurseries are harder to make work - if your child has to be out for 48 hours what can you do if you're in court?

And I absolutely agree about booking things out months in advance - but being hugely organised is part of the job anyway so that comes reasonably naturally.

I absolutely love it and have no qualms about recommending the Bar to younger women. Obviously there are downsides but it can be a very flexible job, as long as you accept that your income is likely to go down commensurately.

tabitha I don't understand why law firms don't embrace it more. My client departments are happy and transactions move just as fast. We also manage to recruit talent from the private sector because we can offer the work life balance. It shocks me how rare that is in private practice and how many firms would rather lose excellent lawyers than allow flexible working.

Dh is a solicitor works 8-7pm he can get away with those hours because he has decided not to peruse partnership because he prefers a work life balance.
I think you are making a big mistake putting your partners career before your own. You are young, hard working, talented. You are Clearly doing well so go for it if you want to be a barrister. If you decide later it's not for you explore the other options then. But don't dismiss it because your boyfriend says his career is vocational and therefore comes first.🙄,what a twat! If it comes to it, get a live in nanny. But don't give up on it because of your boyfriend. You may revert it of you ever broke up. Perdue your dream and adapt it as necessary rather than rule it out.

I really don't think you've any chance of being a barrister and being predominantly relied on for childcare. There are single parents who do it, so it's not like a partner is compulsory, but they have lots of childcare. There's one single parent barrister who posts on here and she has an au pair for an older child.

My partner and I have said that I will be predominately relied on for childcare

In that case most junior lawyer jobs (whether as a junior barrister or junior solicitor) will be completely unsuitable. As a junior lawyer anywhere hours tend to be long and not within your control (so you can't for example go home to do pick up and then carry on after bedtime from home). Senior lawyers have some flex but not junior. There might be some exceptions in public sector or high street firms I guess, but even then there will be days when things blow up and you are expected to stay late.

I think you need to either
(1) tell your DP he needs to share the childcare
(2) plan to put off DC for, say, 6-7 years while you get senior enough to have some flexibility or
(3) rethink your career.

I had just been called to the bar when my sister sadly passed away, and I became the guardian to her two small children. I really agonised over what to do for the best, but had lots of family support, and probably didn't sleep much in the first couple of years whilst trying to establish myself. It got easier when they reached school age, and I got married in between times with my DH being self employed working from home. I'm just now having my first with DH and echo what others have said, working hectic hours whilst pregnant is tough.

I think you can take on less work after a while, but initially to establish yourself you'll pretty much have to work anything going, or you won't have any money, or a reputation that allows you to pick and chose, or that makes you sought after.

Solicitor may be easier in the sense that there's less onus on you to find the work, you just have to do it, whereas if you want to have your own small practice you have to fund it.

I think law is possible with kids, but certainly not easy. Though probably a lot of careers are like that.