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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask: if you don't wear make up regularly, what do you genuinely think when you see someone who does?

515 replies

Mingewithafringe · 27/02/2017 13:26

Really interested to hear people's views on this as it's something the socially anxious person in me has always wondered.

I wear a lot of make up by most people's standards. It stems from my teens where I developed bad skin and was just desperate to cover it. It's a lot better now but I have scars and patches that I feel insecure about.
So as well as a concealer and powder foundation, I also fill in my eyebrows daily, wear liquid eyeliner on my top lid, kohl pencil on my waterline, mascara, bronzer and either matte lipstick or a tinted lip balm. Without the eye make up I look tired or ill (people have actually said that!)

This is most days unless I know for sure I won't be going out that day. I have applied it for so many years that it only takes me about 5/10 minutes to put it on in the morning, and the amount of money I spend on make up has just become one of those accepted expenses, although I don't actually spend a lot because aside from my foundation, the rest is usually affordable stuff like Maybelline, Bourjois etc

I go through phases where I just hate the fact that I feel like I have to wear it and so I try to wean myself off it e.g. By not wearing eyeliner or by going for a subtle/minamalistic look. But I just don't feel confident and end up reverting back!

I have always wondered what ladies who don't wear make up are thinking when they talk to me. If I walk in to a room, 99% of the time I am wearing the most make up out of any woman. So ironically, I wear make up so that people don't think "look at her scars", but now have developed this insecurity where I feel that when I talk to someone, all they are thinking is "jeez how much make up is she wearing, it's a toddler and baby group for crying out loud"!!

Am I being silly?

OP posts:
MagicMarkers · 27/02/2017 16:30

I knew a woman, who was very insecure and wore loads of make-up. She was also very pretty naturally, but she just couldn't see it and thought that we would all be disgusted by her if we saw her without make-up..

One time I saw her and thought "wow she looks great today". It turned out that she wasn't wearing make-up, because she was feeling ill.

Another time she sat at breakfast with sunglasses on so that we wouldn't be disgusted by her looks without make-up.

I do think heavy make-up can be a sign of insecurity.

Sallystyle · 27/02/2017 16:34

I probably do associate always wearing full make up with low self confidence though.

Quite interesting how there has been a lot of these type of comments from none make up wearers.

When one person says she thinks women look fresher with make up on that doesn't go down quite so well. It's not nice to tell women they look better with make up on or that you think they have no confidence if they wear it.

I guess either way you are going to be judged, for wearing it, or not wearing it. I look better with it on. I feel better with it on and I love making the most of my features and covering up the areas I don't like (like my dark eye bags). I equally respect women who can't be arsed with it all.

BareGrylls · 27/02/2017 16:34

I've never worn it much, partly because I don't really care what I look like and I seldom look in a mirror.

I have to confess I don't like the look of face make up (foundation or whatever) but I quite like a well done eye liner but not the eye brows
When I was young I used to put on a bit of eye make up. Now I'm in my 50sit would certainly make a difference but I hate the feel of it and can't wait to wash it off.

I think it's a shame if women are so self conscious or think they look so bad they won't go out without make up. Nobody else cares, as this thread proves.

altiara · 27/02/2017 16:35

When I first started reading I thought I wouldn't judge you, I'd just be jealous that I'm not organised enough to do my make up and then think more about myself and how I love wearing make up..... blah blah blah about myself!! but actually after your last post, maybe I would shy away from someone who is overly made up because I have different priorities. I'm not sure, I may also gravitate towards you because I want to have a glamorous friend.

OP I would definitely try and cut out the top eyeliner, that is definitely a 'going out look' unless you work in an industry where full on slap is the fine thing and just start toning it down so you look natural (but enhanced!).

nonameinspiration · 27/02/2017 16:37

U2. This your post exactly. The inverted snobbery about make up is really disappointing

MeadowHay · 27/02/2017 16:40

I don't usually wear makeup and I don't usually think anything much when I see people who do, tbh. I don't really care, got other things to be thinking about! We all look different anyway.

Headofthehive55 · 27/02/2017 16:41

I wouldn't think anything. My head is full of other stuff. (Am I in the right place, do I need more cake...) I don't wear make up. Well I wore lipstick for my wedding.

Eolian · 27/02/2017 16:45

The thing is, just because a particular look or style isn't to someone else's taste, that doesn't mean they are judging you. We all have preferences. I'm not a big fan of the very made up look - on me or others. But that's no different from not liking a particular style of clothing etc. I would never comment and don't make a value judgement, I just prefer a more natural look (for me, a bit of tinted moisturiser, concealer if needed, a natural-ish lipstick sometimes, no eye make-up).

WaitrosePigeon · 27/02/2017 16:45

When one person says she thinks women look fresher with make up on that doesn't go down quite so well. It's not nice to tell women they look better with make up on or that you think they have no confidence if they wear it

Agree

PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 27/02/2017 16:46

I wear mascara and a tiny bit of foundation perhaps 4 or 5 times a year. I wouldn't judge someone wearing lots of make up - I'm a SAHM but I know a lot of people have to be more groomed for their jobs, and some people just like make up.

I an jealous of people who are "good" at make up, I have never been able to apply eyeliner or lipstick. I still wouldn't do it on a daily basis but it'd be nice to have the option now and again.

nonameinspiration · 27/02/2017 16:49

Kate Middleton zero confidence then

Moreisnnogedag · 27/02/2017 16:50

itsnot that woman is amazing. Now she's wearing a lot of makeup but in a beautiful way.

I never wear makeup. I am terrible at it (well I was in my teens) and just cannot be bothered. I don't judge well applied makeup but the orange look or those weird eyebrows I'm a bit Hmm about.

I wonder OP if at the baby groups people may have felt a disconnect with your experience as a new mom and theirs. I might be a bit insecure with a woman who appeared (even if just superficially) to have this newborn thing down pat whilst I was struggling iyswim.

Gatehouse77 · 27/02/2017 16:53

I notice people who wear thick make up and then forget their neck or haven't blended it in well.

I don't wear makeup mainly because I can't be bothered and resent the expense. But also because you can't polish a turd and I think I look like a twat wearing it.

DH is not a fan either.

Original poster
Mingewithafringe · 27/02/2017 16:54

Moreisnnogedag yeah I was thinking that. I definitely don't think it's jealousy or anything narcissistic like that, I just got assumed that they thought I had different priorities to them. Which I don't think I necessarily do when it only takes me 10 minutes in the morning. But they obviously don't know that, maybe people think that it must take a long time

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCatBastards · 27/02/2017 16:57

I don't wear makeup because it mostly makes me itch.

I don't really think much about the makeup habits of others, except when I see awesome eyeliner and get ever so slightly jealous of the skills:o

2rebecca · 27/02/2017 16:57

I think women in the media spotlight feel manipulated in to wearing make up. There are plenty of bitchy columns in magazines of the "oh doesn't she look a state today" variety when high profile women go out looking less than perfect.
You see that in female politicians who wear a lot more make up when their profile increases. The camera makes you look washed out as well and I suspect Kate Middleton may look over made up close up (not that I've paid that much attention so i may be wrong, she is beautiful). I'd like to see more high profile women not wearing make up.

Kikikaakaa · 27/02/2017 16:57

I love make up, I love putting it on and I love wearing it and I love how I feel doing it for a big night out. I wear it every day at work, I am happy to wear less just going to the shops or visiting friends or family etc.

I don't equate it with low self esteem. I just like it. I like the products and how they work together, I like seeing the transformation. It does not take very long. If I have a longer period of time then I would actually enjoy sitting for longer fiddling about with it. It's not a chore. I think it's sad to judge other women for make up or no make up. Whatever makes you happy is all that counts

Reow · 27/02/2017 16:58

If I'm being completely honest, I do judge.

I think this whole false eyelash, marker penned eyebrow and clown contouring is horrendous, and all I think is wow, that looks fake. This whole TOWIE look...ugh. I don't get it at all, and if I see photos of the same people with no make up I often think they look so much better. I personally like the natural look. I rarely think people have improved their looks with make up.

I wear a bit of powder and mascara, but that's about it.

But that's just me and I think I'm in the minority.

mistermagpie · 27/02/2017 16:58

I wear makeup every day. Foundation, powder, blusher, brows, lips, eyeliner and mascara. I've had over 20 years of practice so can manage to do it nicely and without slug brows and a tide-mark, which according to some on here would make me look like a 'twat' Hmm. It doesn't concern me what people think about my face - if they think I'm insecure or lack confidence, or if they think I'm vain and self-obsessed - so what? At least I'm a nice person, which people who judge others are not.

OP I bet you look lovely, although you don't sound 'comfortable' in your skin which is a shame. If you think you might feel better, or less conspicuous, in less make up then why don't you try more natural colours or textures for a few weeks and see if it helps? But don't change something you like for other people, if you like your eyeliner (or whatever) then wear it with pride!

Kikikaakaa · 27/02/2017 17:03

I think this thread is really mean.

all I can see are non make up women passing cruel judgements on the choice of people who like it. I wouldn't dream of telling anyone who did or did not choose to wear it anything judgemental about what I thought of their choices.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 27/02/2017 17:05

I just wonder why they don't spend the extra time in bed

atheistmantis · 27/02/2017 17:05

Rtft then..I and presumably others said it's free choice.

Witchend · 27/02/2017 17:08

I don't wear make up.

I don't really think about other people wearing it unless it:

  1. Does look genuinely nice
  2. Is really thick-especially thick black round eyes. In which case I tend to wonder how nice they'd look underneath it.
Kikikaakaa · 27/02/2017 17:08

Free choice, but Yeah I secretly judge why they don't choose to stay in bed longer?

Reow · 27/02/2017 17:08

Why is it mean? OP asked a question and were all answering with our honest thoughts. Are we only allowed to have opinions if we are all on the same page?

People probably look at me and judge me for looking tired and rough, but I do not care. Their opinions on my face have no impact on me, and I would never go up to someone with a full face on and tell them I didn't like it. In this case OP asked.

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