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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't a shameful secret?

72 replies

ChewyChewy · 27/02/2017 06:52

m.huffpost.com/uk/entry/14594914

"So why won’t your baby sleep through the night and why does everyone who says their baby does feel compelled to share that lie!"

Starting to get a bit fed up with all the sleep shaming that's going on. My baby has slept through since 2 months, not due to anything I've done but his own choice, and I feel very lucky indeed. But article after article talks about why babies shouldn't sleep through the night, why it's vital that they wake for food, comfort etc.

And at my baby group, I'm very lucky to be part of such a welcoming, non-competitive, supportive group of ladies, but the baby was young I would often have to fudge the sleeping question as my honest answers weren't met with enthusiasm.

This is not a woe is me post, I'm definitely not complaining about my lot, and I understand that these sorts of articles probably provide comfort to a lot of very tired people, but why the need to demonise?

OP posts:
KC225 · 27/02/2017 06:55

My daughter didn't slept through the night until she was four and a half YEARS - I didn't lie about it you could see it all over my face.

AllTheLight · 27/02/2017 06:55

It's so, so hard to have a non sleeping baby, and is does make you feel a bit better to hear about others in the same situation, or to read about how it's natural / normal, and a bit worse to hear about fantastic sleepers.

Sorry OP. Not wanting to demonise anyone but that's just how it is.

CrohnicallyPregnant · 27/02/2017 06:58

I think it's because it's trying to point out that non-sleeping babies are the norm, and it's the luck of the draw whether yours is a sleeper or not.

It's a comfort to hear that you're not doing anything wrong, and that your baby is waking because they need to, and not because of something you've done wrong.

My baby didn't sleep, and to make matters worse I was given a book by a certain author that assured me it would help my baby become a contented one. So then, as well as having a non-sleeping baby, I was blaming myself for the baby not sleeping. After all, the book said baby should be!

I don't think it's trying to demonise sleeping babies, merely to point out that it is a fairly rare occurrence and one that you have pretty much no control over.

MoodyOne · 27/02/2017 07:01

I sometimes think also it's for reassurance that it is normal that a baby doesn't sleep through the night ...
People like that their are others in the same boat feeling tired and overwhelmed
I am glad your baby sleeps 😁 and I have figured out finally that their is no normal every baby is different x

KarmaNoMore · 27/02/2017 07:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bambamrubblesmum · 27/02/2017 07:03

My daughter is the same as yours op. Since switching to formula she has slept through from 3 months. My son on the other hand ... well that's a different story Grin

It's so individual to the child. I tend to be tactful around others who aren't in the same situation. Friend of mine has just had a second child, both have had reflux issues. She looks absolutely knackered, so I try to skirt round the issue. Sleep deprivation is just horrible and feels never ending Sad

GiraffesAndButterflies · 27/02/2017 07:07

It's so, so hard to have a non sleeping baby, and is does make you feel a bit better to hear about others in the same situation, or to read about how it's natural / normal, and a bit worse to hear about fantastic sleepers.

This.

And what makes it worse is everyone who hears that your baby doesn't sttn says "Have you tried...?"

The implication, when person after person after person after person says it (and literally EVERYONE says it, believe me), is that if you had tried x, your baby would sleep better, and therefore it's your fault for not trying it.

And then about one in 10 are the arses who say "well we just didn't worry about all that in my day, we just put them down and they had to learn to sleep" like it should be that easy for everyone.

Currently on my second non-sleeper, can you tell... Grin

Trifleorbust · 27/02/2017 07:10

2m old baby sleeping for 8-9 hours (last night 6pm-2am). I wake before she does, desperate to feed her. I worry constantly about dehydration. But she's not going to sleep longer than she needs before waking, and she will wake when hungry. Or so my mother says. She has more chins than limbs anyway Grin

Trifleorbust · 27/02/2017 07:11

The baby, not my mother.

PoorYorick · 27/02/2017 07:13

You're offended and victimised by an article reassuring parents that it's normal for young babies to wake, because you're lucky enough to have a sleeper?

Baby or not, you don't sound like you have enough to worry about, OP. Set something close to you on fire.

sabzii · 27/02/2017 07:14

I think you should avoid mentioning it to other mums with babies, unless they ask directly.

Mine slept well until 3 months then woke every hour or 2 until she was 10 months (when I sleep trained). I hated the mums who kept boasting how well theirs slept and how lucky they were! Very U of me but when you're getting by on a few hours of broken sleep for months you are U.

Now she only wakes once or twice but I still don't mention it to mums whose toddlers are poor sleepers.

Trifleorbust · 27/02/2017 07:17

sabzii: I do this. It's a shame though, as a baby who sleeps through isn't a guilty secret! Nevertheless I don't mention it because I don't want to upset them.

Witchend · 27/02/2017 07:21

I've certainly seen people on here stating that they think anyone who says that their baby is sleeping through at 2 months os lying.

Trifleorbust · 27/02/2017 07:23

Witchend: Really? To be fair she is closer to 3 months right now but started this pattern about 2 weeks ago.

PoorYorick · 27/02/2017 07:24

If my baby had slept through at two months I would have been so overjoyed that I really would not have given a rat's rectum if someone thought I was making it up.

pullingmyhairout1 · 27/02/2017 07:24

I always thought that it was a baby led thing. My eldest slept through the day I gave him a bottle instead of breast. Little did I know that he wasn't getting anywhere near enough sustenance from me.

Youngest went through from six weeks as well. I recognise I was very lucky in comparison to a friend of mine whose DS didn't sleep through until 3 years.

Painting is hard. There is no manual and mosthe of us feel overwhelming anxiety over whether we are making the right decision or not all the flaming time.

Want2bSupermum · 27/02/2017 07:29

At work people ask how my kids sleep. I tell them well. The issue is that I end up having to work around their awake time so I am exhausted.

If my kids haven't slept all night I NEVER tell anyone at work. They just don't get it....

SEsofty · 27/02/2017 07:29

It also isn't a linear process. Youngest was like yours and pretty much sleeping through before three months. I was so pleased.

Then four month sleep regression hit and he didn't sleep longer than three hours for next five months.

I was fed up with people saying, have you tried. And the couple of people who I'd mentioned sleep to when he was younger, kept on asking what I'd done to change it.

RedGrapeCornSnake · 27/02/2017 07:35

I had 3 sleepers
The first 2 reliably slept through from 3 months
3rd one literally from a few days old

I learned early on not to speak to other new mums about sleep or fudge it. Some simply didn't believe me, others clearly thought I was judging their non sleeping baby (I really wasn't)

I was lucky, that's all.

SemiNormal · 27/02/2017 07:36

And what makes it worse is everyone who hears that your baby doesn't sttn says "Have you tried...?" - Urgh yes to this. It's fucking relentless.

'You just need to get him into a routine' 'You just need to .....' - made me feel quite murderous on top of the lack of sleep.

bloodymaria · 27/02/2017 07:43

"Sleep shaming". Sigh. Just enjoy your sleep and stop reading articles meant to bring comfort to those of us on the other side of that particular coin.

EB123 · 27/02/2017 07:44

I have been at both ends of the spectrum. Ds1 slept through from 6 weeks old, he is 6 years old now and is still a fantastic sleeper. Ds2 took until he was 3 years old, he is 4 now and still has nights where he wakes and comes into our bed.

I never hid either of their sleep patterns but with ds1 there were comments about how it wasn't normal for a baby to sleep through. With ds2 I got lots of have you tried xyz. Both are irritating.

plutohasfeelingstoo · 27/02/2017 07:52

I just wish people would realise that babies are all so different in the same way adults are . I have two rubbish sleepers who still wake up at 3 and 2 but I don't find it in the least bit difficult to understand that other babies sleep through the night a lot earlier . That's not to say I'm. Not envious of those early sleepers cos I bloody amGrin

CasperGutman · 27/02/2017 08:58

Babies are all different. Obviously there are more articles written to appeal to those whose babies don't sleep well at night - they're all awake reading articles on their phones all night!

Original poster
ChewyChewy · 27/02/2017 09:14

I hold my hands up for the "sleep shaming" phrase. Totally Daily Mail and for that alone IABU Blush

I know these articles are meant to bring reassurance but it would be nice to have a side note to say that sleeping through is okay as well! I wonder sometimes why my baby doesn't react like the majority of babies- why doesn't he need me to comfort him? Why isn't he hungry? It'd just be nice for the journos to show a bit of balance like a lot of you good people here have done Smile

OP posts:
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