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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this isn't a shameful secret?

72 replies

ChewyChewy · 27/02/2017 06:52

m.huffpost.com/uk/entry/14594914

"So why won’t your baby sleep through the night and why does everyone who says their baby does feel compelled to share that lie!"

Starting to get a bit fed up with all the sleep shaming that's going on. My baby has slept through since 2 months, not due to anything I've done but his own choice, and I feel very lucky indeed. But article after article talks about why babies shouldn't sleep through the night, why it's vital that they wake for food, comfort etc.

And at my baby group, I'm very lucky to be part of such a welcoming, non-competitive, supportive group of ladies, but the baby was young I would often have to fudge the sleeping question as my honest answers weren't met with enthusiasm.

This is not a woe is me post, I'm definitely not complaining about my lot, and I understand that these sorts of articles probably provide comfort to a lot of very tired people, but why the need to demonise?

OP posts:

TheMasterNotMargarita · 27/02/2017 09:20

journos to show a bit of balance

But then you'd have no one outraged enough to bother discussing their article, especially when it concerns such an emotive topic as parenting!

Chloe84 · 27/02/2017 09:20

I think you're being somewhat over dramatic. Demonise? Really?

I hardly think babies who sleep through are portrayed as wicked.

Highmaintenancefemalestuff · 27/02/2017 09:22

Ds slept through from 8 weeks, I felt so bloody lucky but I never felt the need to shout through the street about it, i didnt want to jinx it!. Dd is an awful sleeper if I'd had her first, there wouldn't have been a second there would be no point in me trying to lie about it, the tiredness is written all over my face!

SpaceDuck · 27/02/2017 09:23

I've certainly seen people on here stating that they think anyone who says that their baby is sleeping through at 2 months os lying.

Yep, me too

BattleaxeGalactica · 27/02/2017 09:26

Sleep shaming

EnglishGirlApproximately · 27/02/2017 09:27

I came to say that yabu for saying 'sleep shaming' but you've already held your hands up to that one
Something that supports one set of people isn't automatically criticising the other set, it's just an attempt to be supportive. If it's not relevant to you just ignore it. Honestly, if you're starting to worry about why your baby doesn't need you in the night then, and I mean this kindly, you need to stop reading this stuff.

Stopandlook · 27/02/2017 09:29

I've lied and said my baby slept through the night, but only to shut up an annoying woman at swimming who was obsessed with how petite my baby was compared to hers. Her next topic was sleep and I just needed to walk away...

Trifleorbust · 27/02/2017 09:30

EnglishGirlApproximately: Of course it is, but depending on what is said it can come across as insensitive. The article talks about babies needing to wake through the night to be properly attached to parents and for their brains to develop properly. It should say, for balance, that it is nothing to worry about if they sleep through either.

Blinkingblimey · 27/02/2017 09:38

Ha! One of mine was a 'dream baby' - sleep through from 7wks blah blah.....out of my children they are now without doubt the hardest work and NOT easy - got my comeuppance for the smugness haven't I?!

EnglishGirlApproximately · 27/02/2017 09:43

trifle I get that, honestly I do, but you'd drive yourself mad going down the road of comparing your own life to things you read. Ds is nearly 5 and in every possible way a pretty normal, average kid. On the last few days on MN I've read that any NT child shouldn't wear pull-ups for bed by 4 - he does. He should know the anatomical names for his entire body - he doesn't. He should be getting himself ready for school and bed daily with no help - he could but frankly it would take so long that I help! You can't take this stuff seriously- madness lies that way.
There are so many 'experts' who give conflicting advice, throw in a few journalists and keyboard psychologists and you have the perfect recipe to undermine every single decision you ever make.

OdinsLoveChild · 27/02/2017 09:44

One of mine is 13 and still doesn't sleep through. She's wide awake at midnight and again around 4am and thats it every day. She never slept during the day as a baby and a good sleep for her was 2am through to 4am until school age when she dropped off around midnight and has stuck with it since.
Another one from birth dropped off around 8pm and slept through to around 6am. Again no daytime naps. He will now, as a teenager, sleep from around 8pm through to midday if I dont wake him

My middle one is more of, dropped off around 7pm, woke at 11pm, dropped off around 1am, woke around 4am, dropped off around 5am, woke around 7am and then stayed awake all day.

None of my children have ever slept during the day but their night time routine varies massively.

The constant 'have you tried xxx' was far more frustrating than the sleep patterns really. And of course the older generation telling me I should put them in their cot and leave them to scream because they need to learn they can't always have what they want

SparklyUnicornPoo · 27/02/2017 09:46

I've seen people be accused of lying about their child sleeping through too, I've never got why people would lie about it!

DS had to be woken for feeds from 2 days old, half the time he wasn't even really awake when I fed him, I stopped waking him at about 6 weeks (when the hv said it was ok to) and apart from illness he has never woken me at night. DD is 8, she still wakes at night and would definitely be an only child if she'd been my first Believe me if DS sleeping was down to some great parenting I would a) be using those skills on DD and b) be selling my secrets, I'd make a fortune. Sadly it's actually just luck.

Northend77 · 27/02/2017 09:52

I haven't seen any articles saying that babies NEED to wake in the night, just that it is more common for them do to so. My twins have taken until almost 2 years old to get there and still wake very earl so if I'd have had a conversation with you at a baby group and you said what you did in your OP I'd have had no problem - you said that you have been lucky. Its parents who preach that theirs sleeps because they've done routine and read books, etc that wind others up because it is an insult to their efforts (which most of them will most definitely have tried!!)
I think if you have a baby who sleeps through then that's fab and you should enjoy it! It's a shame that you would be slated for this

Ilovewillow · 27/02/2017 09:57

We need the article that states all children are different and you need to find your way and their way and work with it! I have two children one who slept through from 8 weeks although she is now 8 and quite often decamps to our bed, before we move her again. My son who is 3.5 rarely sleeps through the night and never has been a "good" sleeper. I'm an adult and quite often don't sleep through either. My point is we are all individuals. If people ask I'm happy to say how my children sleep and when they slept through but tact is a marvellous thing as is support.

Tootsiepops · 27/02/2017 10:01

I've seen accusations of lying thrown around on here too with regards to sleeping babies.

I've also seen someone imply that babies who sleep through from an early age have developmental issues .

The first confused me, the second made me panic. My daughter slept through at four weeks old. I'd nothing to feel smug about because it was fuck all to do with me - in fact, she slept despite my ineptitude as a mother

Oysterbabe · 27/02/2017 10:07

Baby or not, you don't sound like you have enough to worry about, OP. Set something close to you on fire.

Mountainsofmothermadness · 27/02/2017 10:09

My baby has been sleeping through the night since 5/6 months (after we stopped the middle of the night feed). The only time he hasnt slept well was when he had a cold and was snotty. Didnt realise that automatically made me a liar...

bruffin · 27/02/2017 10:21

Every time there is a thread on sleep someone will lost that posters with good sleepers are lying.
Both mine slept through from 11 to 7 at 12 weeks.

SomethingBorrowed · 27/02/2017 10:22

The idea is to re-assure people, because usually when your baby sleeps you are happy about it and don't try to find answers.

I have to admit, the one line that always irritates me is "it is normal for babies/children to wake up several times during the night, adults do as well"... yes it is normal for them to wake up BUT the question is, do they go back to sleep by themselves or not!

Trifleorbust · 27/02/2017 10:24

EnglishGirlApproximately: Oh I totally agree. 99% of what we read is reductive and misleading.

Trifleorbust · 27/02/2017 10:27

EnglishGirlApproximately: But I would add that, as a new mum, the expectation seems to be that I believe everything I read and am told as regards sleeping, feeding, development... until I shouldn't

ExplodedCloud · 27/02/2017 10:30

Thing is those with sleepers are probably feeling rather less fragile than those with non sleepers. Sleep deprivation can make you a bit wobbly on the mental level too and prone to snapping at people, any people, who have the luxury of solid hours of sleep.

bagpusss · 27/02/2017 10:43

Does anyone know of an extensive list / checklist of the 'Have you tried...?' suggestions? If so, it would be nice to have it, name it and be able to say that you've gone through all of it. Who knows, it might even help the odd parent here and there and also help those who want to help to refocus their attempts at help.

Oysterbabe · 27/02/2017 10:47

Obviously all people with babies that sleep through are not liars, but some are.
Not long ago DH was whinging to me about how all of our friend's have babies that sleep and ours is the only one that doesn't. Apparently Jeff* had told him that their baby sleeps though already and is several months younger than ours. However Jeff's wife had told me that their baby wakes at 3am every day and won't go back to sleep. There's often a fair amount of exaggeration that goes on.

*names changed

Trifleorbust · 27/02/2017 10:52

Oysterbabe:

How do you know Jeff* is the fibber?

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