To put my 4 yr old back into nappies?

[GettingScaredNow]

Potty trained at just over 2. Fine. Easy enough. Until recently.
She refuses to go to the toilet. Until it's too late.
I can see her doing the 'I need a wee' dance and I'll ask her but it just ends in her screaming at me and flatly refusing to go. Which then results in a wee accident.
We've had 4 this week. 2 involved me having to wash and sterilise all of ds's megabloks.

So I've had enough. After a 45 minute stand off over doing a wee this morning I can't take it anymore.
I'm going to buy pull ups today.
I ran this idea past my friend who said she was worried it could make matters worse and drove a gap between me and dd.
Dd is struggling with the break up of my marriage. Her father is abusive and she witnessed more then I realised.
She takes all her anger out on me.

So Aibu?

I did see gp, who made the referral to CAMHS, who rejected dd because her trauma is emotional due to domestic abuse. Apparently that no longer comes under their remit.
So I have sought referrals through Solace and am still waiting for these to come through.

Thanks, we have apparently just finished special time 😳 she asked for my help doing a sticker book and I helped. Dd was playing dinosaurs.
And I just said 'ok, it's special time in 10 mins dd' and she said 'but we just did special time mummy!'

So goal achieved I guess.
I'll try to relax

Well done. Remember taking baby steps do make a difference

Try Anna Freud centre for a phone consultation with a child psychologist
Free

Also change your vocabulary talking to her my youngest was lashing out today instead of punishment I told him I can see your unhappy would you like a cuddle? He struggles with emotions too

Also read "how to talk so kids will listen and listen.. ."
Has some useful tips.
This isn't a toiletting issue but an emotional one
You doing really well.
Speak to nursery as well
Let her talk about her dad if she brings him up.
Look at photos together
Maybe she worries she wont ever see him..or worries abput seeing him. et her know if it will be feasible e.g. supervised at some point in future

Yes, thanks I'm trying to simplify my language. Cos she is a surprisingly bright button and I do have to remind myself she's just 4!
She's the youngest in her year but one of the tallest and is (according to her teacher) one of the smartest in her class.

We recently had a bizarre disagreement over nebulas.... cos all 4 year olds know what they are right? Child is a sponge but all this 'intelligence' lends itself to me treating her as older then she is.
Intellectually she might be advanced but emotionally she is struggling.
I feel I've failed her here.

However! We just had a much better evening. I overlooked a lot of screaming at me and didn't mention the toilet once. She did waste some time dancing and singing in front of the mirror diva.
We do this 'sad and glad' thing at bedtime.
We both say one thing about the day that was sad and one thing that is glad.
Her sad was that she wasted time and missed out on a third book.
Her glad was that we did the sticker book together.

So I guess that a win for us
Thank you

Well done! In a non patronising way I mean.

You haven't failed her. How can you be when you are being proactive and trying so hard?

Have faith in yourself. This parenting business is hard and you're showing real courage.

You deserve your gold star

Could you toilet train your 2yo and get DD to help show how it's done? Then the toilet is still a focus but it's not on her iyswim.

Ds has no understanding at all of his anatomy.

He's like the anti dd
When he was smaller I was concerned that he was behind in his development cos he was slower then dd at each thing.
Then someone pointed out that he is actually more normal and dd was just crazily advanced. I was red faced haha

No hopes of potty training him yet! Might try during the summer.