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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hate the school run?

89 replies

nevermindwhatimdoing · 24/02/2017 15:43

I hate the school run. Absolutely hate it and wriggle out of it whenever I can, passing the job on to my hubby. I'm not sure what it is, other than all those women standing around talking bollocks and stealth boasting about their kids and lifestyle. The cliques, of which I was recently part of 😫 make me feel so uncomfortable. In recent weeks I've stopped trying with the other mums and have taken a step back, standing on my own or just chatting to whoever happens to be near me at that moment. I'm happier....I think. But part of me now thinks that I'm a loner, I'm weird for shunning the other women. I'm probably like that in all aspects of my life though. I generally see 'friends' as something I can do without and prefer to spend my free time with DH and the kids.
Does anyone else feel like this about the school run, and about having friends in general?

OP posts:

NavyandWhite · 24/02/2017 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTarzan1 · 24/02/2017 20:31

Drop off is fine, it's the picking up I hate. They come out at different times so I feel like I am there for ages!

Tcga745 · 24/02/2017 20:33

I don't mind the school run, normally I chat with someone about stuff and it is just being sociable. There may be cliques but I have never really thought of it that way and don't really care. Over the many years I have done this I have formed strong relationships with people (including some who annoyed me for the first few years) effectively based on 10 minutes chat a couple of times a week. Lots of them have now moved on but new people turn up. I am still in contact with some of the old ones and not with others.
My day is planned around the school run. This is not because I don't have anything I would rather be doing but because it is something I have to do, I don't think about it and frankly there is no point being negative about it.

If you must think about it though (rather than just doing it) I think that you should focus on the three reasons there are for doing anything in life. These are: to be the best you can, to make someone else happy or because it's fun. I would guess that it makes your children happy that you pick them up. Concentrate on that.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 24/02/2017 20:36

Blimey, you do sound judgey . Glad my school run mum experiences were less so.

whatsthepointofmorgan · 24/02/2017 20:39

OP I feel for you.

the school drop off is not so bad.
School pick up? Not so good. If you're a bit of an 'anti-social bugger' you are required to make social chit chat at school pick up time.

The trick is to rock up just as the bell goes.
Not a minute before. Not a minute less.
that way, you bypass the waiting nonsense.

whatsthepointofmorgan · 24/02/2017 20:41

It's quite stressful trying to time it right.

Spare a thought for those that find it difficult.
They're not strange, or trying to be awkward on purpose.
Some people genuinly struggle with social anxiety.

NavyandWhite · 24/02/2017 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

nevermindwhatimdoing · 24/02/2017 20:59

Yes, that's the perfect description of me! Anti-social bugger. Thank you. That's me in a nutshell I think. I just can't be bothered with people. I wish I wasn't like that, but I am.
I'm totally comfortable with people judging me and saying I'm 'judgey'.

OP posts:

Imamouseduh · 24/02/2017 21:37

Doesn't it bother you that there might come a time in your life when you will actually need a friend and there won't be anyone there? Your DH might not be around forever and kids grow up. Not trying to sound doom and gloom, but I think we are better off with more people in our lives. Not just to keep us afloat when things go wrong, obviously, but that's a big part of it.

happyfrown · 24/02/2017 21:47

i hate it. im openly an antisocial arse and would rather be seen as a loner than make small talk to people I don't know for the sake of passing time.
its ok to be like that op, not everyone is up for a chat just because your standing in the same place. i especially aint got time for people who run their mouth and expect me to join in the bitch fest - i learned within the first year of school run to steer clear.

ive seen adults behave worse than the kids on school run.

yes im judgey.

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 24/02/2017 21:55

I've never understood the angst about this. Pick up, drop off, leave? If you are early then phones are handy things to keep you busy. I couldn't care less what people are spending time talking about in the school playground, just as I wouldn't care about people having a conversation in tesco.

Foreverhungry · 24/02/2017 22:09

I really miss not doing the school run anymore, as much as it's annoying when you've got work etc. these years go fast and once they hit secondary you loose them a bit. I miss the walk there and picking them up and talking about the day.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 24/02/2017 22:09

Yip i hate it, yanbu.

GreenPuke · 24/02/2017 22:24

I absolutely fucking HATE it. I'm currently getting the death glare by a couple of Mums. God knows why, but it will pass and it will be someone else's turn before long. Not sure of my crime. I smile and say hello to people to be polite, being "new" to the place.

I've lived here 9 years and I'm sure they based Royston Vasey on this village. It's very clear that I'll never be "Local"

downwardfacingdog · 24/02/2017 22:26

Yabu to lump all the parents doing the school pick up as somehow the same. The only thing I have in common with most of the parents on the school run is we had kids within 7 years of each other. Otoh I have some genuine friends met at the school gates. I notice there are never any nasty comments about Dads at pickups. Only mums seem to get accused of boasting, bitching, cliqueyness etc. Pisses me off tbh. I don't care if people think I'm in a clique because I'm chatting to my mates while waiting for my kids.

PingaPenguin · 24/02/2017 22:34

Not a huge fan of the school run. Groups of mums chatting in the playground, then there is me! DS likes to have a run around with his friends so I try to get there early for him to play dependant on how long he takes on a morning to get his f'ing shoes and coat on
But I always feel like I look at bit odd standing alone gazing around. I don't mind chatting but I have a massive resting bitch face which probably puts most people of off.

Get out of the pick up as I'm at work!

ashley0710 · 24/02/2017 22:42

Greenpuke, I hear ya!
Same situation

Original poster

nevermindwhatimdoing · 24/02/2017 23:06

Just sat in bed reading through the responses. It's interesting to see that I'm not alone in hating the school run, in fact there's loads of us! But I've been reflecting on exactly what I hate about it and I think I may have finally hit on exactly what my issue with it is.
The school run forces me to acknowledge who I really am, and I find that uncomfortable. Twice a day I walk to school thinking about my lack of interest in making or having friends. Up until very recently, once inside the school gates I'd put that to the back of my mind and get on with chatting to other mums and laughing and joking. Then I schlep off home with the kids, my mind turning back to what on Earth could be wrong with me. You see, I think i'm definitely not right. I'm weird, surely. I just don't want friends 😞 Having them is a pain in the backside, so as soon as people start getting too close I just cut them off.
If I could stop dwelling on why I don't really like people I could start being really happy about sharing my life with the people who matter to me. My husband, our three children, my sisters, SIL etc. The school run prevents me from forgetting that I'm an antisocial cunt 😭

OP posts:

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 24/02/2017 23:43

When my DC started school, DH dropped DS off on the way to work, I took DD on the way to my work (Nursery). I picked DS up up taking DD in the buggy for speed , then she was big enough to walk.
I grumbled but it gave me an hours excercise (and pushing her back home uphill)
Then he was taking both and I picked up both, I used to time myself walking the 20 minutes , shaving a minute off (took longer to walk them home though)

They started Breakfast Club/ After school when I changed my days , 3 days a week.

I hated doing the School Run but I miss the excercise

SoMuchPain · 25/02/2017 08:30

I kind of get what you're saying OP. There are definite cliques in our school playground but at the same time these mums have older kids and known each other longer. I'm a relatively new mum. I see that people or mums I thought as a group I was close to would organise things together and not include me. I don't let it bother me too much I have other friends and over time dynamics and relationship change. You also naturallly gravitate towards people. I must admit many of these mums are SAHms with no young children (i.e. I have a toddler) so I can't always do what they do during the day. Sometimes it bothers me other times and in fact most of the time I just get on wirh it. Everyone is nice enough and I don't mind talking to people

Allthewaves · 25/02/2017 08:33

Not a fan. Thank god the school now have a straight to class room policy. As soon as gates open you walk child to the door and drop off at classroom - bliss

Joolsy · 25/02/2017 08:34

You'll find that as they get older there are less and less parents doing the school run for your year as they will have their youngers ones starting reception so have to be at their classroom if that makes sense. DD2 is in Yr 3 and there's only ever a handful of us parents now - it's great!

PlaymobilPirate · 25/02/2017 08:38

I'm jealous - I only get to do the school run 1 day a week and love it. I love chatting to ds on the walk, seeing him greet his mates and watch them run around for a mad 5 minutes before the bell. I like a chat with other parents too 🤓 .. think yourself lucky if you get to do the school run every day!

Magzmarsh · 25/02/2017 08:43

I don't think your thread is really about the school run. You've been remarkably honest in your posts about your feelings towards friends.

Everyone is different op, friends loom large in my life and are important to me but nothing trumps dc and dh, we're on the same side ultimately 😊

Bluntness100 · 25/02/2017 08:57

Two different issues at play here, the first one is the school run, which it's quite common to have nothing in common with the other mums or want to interact with them due to that.

The second is not wanting to have any friends. That's fine, but kids grow up, marriages fall apart and it can lead to unplanned and unhappy loneliness at some point in the future.

If you are comfortable with who you are and an acceptance of this, it's fine, if you're not, and I suspect you're not as you wouldn't be posting about it otherwise, then I'd try to do something about it. Not with the school mums, but are you and your husband friendly with any other couples? Do you invite people round for dinner or drinks who are not family? Do you get invited out by people?

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