to hate the school run?

[nevermindwhatimdoing]

I hate the school run. Absolutely hate it and wriggle out of it whenever I can, passing the job on to my hubby. I'm not sure what it is, other than all those women standing around talking bollocks and stealth boasting about their kids and lifestyle. The cliques, of which I was recently part of 😫 make me feel so uncomfortable. In recent weeks I've stopped trying with the other mums and have taken a step back, standing on my own or just chatting to whoever happens to be near me at that moment. I'm happier....I think. But part of me now thinks that I'm a loner, I'm weird for shunning the other women. I'm probably like that in all aspects of my life though. I generally see 'friends' as something I can do without and prefer to spend my free time with DH and the kids.
Does anyone else feel like this about the school run, and about having friends in general?

[KateModern]

YABU

[Picklypickles]

I don't mind it, there have been a couple of occasions where parents who would normally smile and say hi have for no apparent reason taken to blanking me for months on end and I had a few funny looks. There can't have been any reason for it as I'm really not a very interesting person, I'm quiet, polite and I don't gossip or do horrible things! I ignored the strange behaviour and they seem to have got over whatever their problems were because they behave normally again now!

I only live a short walk from the school so I don't need to spend a lot of time there waiting, I turn up at the last minute usually! I will smile and say hi to other parents but I'm really not interested in stopping to chat or make friends or form cliques I just want to go home and chill!

[ChelsH26]

My son just started school and wow the amount of bitchy mums at the school is unbelievable!! (The dirty looks and the standing around gossiping) I literally drop my son off and pick him up… I do not talk to anyone.

[MajorCarolDanvers]

Mine went to breakfast club / after school club and latterly have taken the bus so I almost never do the school run.

However I have no interest in, or need, for playground friends as I already have my own friends.

On the odd occasion I do go I am happy to smile and nod to people. If there are cliques I am not aware of them and it would make no difference to me if there are.

[Dragonpox]

I quite like it but I work full time and it's been pretty lonely this year so a brief pleasantry with someone not on Teams has been quite nice but I don't stay around for long chats.

[Thecurliestwurly]

I think some people are a bit more over invested in the school run than other people. For me, it is literally picking my child up from school. I chat if I see someone I know and we have time, but I'm not bothered with 'school run fashion' - whatever the fuck that is anyway - or what clique I belong in (none of them). I think a lot of people are like me and are just picking their kids up and don't really chat unless someone makes conversation with them. I don't think they are being rude, just doing a task that needs doing.

You get bitchy people everywhere, and some mother's will inevitably act like they should never leave the playground they are stood in, but that's why I (as an older mum) avoid the cliques. I'm too old and tired for that shit.

[TheWayTheLightFalls]

This is my first year doing them after reading about them for a decade on here. Obviously it can be school-specific but I don’t get the angst really. I like to chat but if I don’t I time my arrival accordingly and bury my head in my phone. Likewise if I run into another parent waiting I make eye contact and ask something innocuous if they look up for it, or stay quiet if they’re staring at their phones. I already have my kid in school 08.45-3.30, so I really don’t fancy seeking out weekend commitments/play dates and I’m sure my 4yo can socialise enough during the school day without my making friends with the parents so she is friends with the kids (?).

Ironically the kid she clings to now is one where the mum has glared at me from a distance for four years (no idea why), so it’s not like I’ve done anything good to facilitate that and there we go .

[Sosander]

I do think all school state and private are equal in their pick up and drop off boasting, moaning and clicky, gossiping groups. I do my own thing. I stand out as I like clothes but not in looking like a clown but it sure attracts the odd bitchy look or comment.
I used to care a lot but I agree with someone who wrote that of you go in angry looking no one will ever smile. I do smile at people but I tend not to worry about it going any further as a conversation.
All my friends are creative and artistic and the people at my child’s school are not. We are different.
I like that I earn enough myself to live comfortably. I’m single/divorced and I just think it’s lovely to say goodbye to my child in the morning and then to see my child at pick up. That’s what matters. I make sure I look good for my child.

[happyfrown]

OP you sound unconfident, possibly low self esteem, not comfortable around people. im the same and it comes from lack of interaction from childhood.
if it helps to feel less 'weird' or alone I don't like or want to make friends either, I just don't feel like im interesting enough and to be honest some days I haven't got the mental energy to talk to people and past friend have faded due to limited contact on my part.

as I mentioned up thread I started off chatting to every one as it looked like the norm to do so. but quickly found that they would dump the kids on you after school, have me pick up cos they were running late, invited themselves to mine after drop off to bitch about another mum they were just talking too.... no thanks. it was draining, repetitive and took up too much of my day to get important stuff done.
so now I stick with my 2 very close, understanding friends and don't feel the need for any more.

if its something that's upsetting you, you can change it. gp might be able to suggest a talking therapy.

[AgentCooper]

The school run is an alien concept to me. When I was 4-5 I walked to school, supervised by my 8 year old cousin!

[beautifulgirls]

You need to stop thinking that you need to be what you think others want you to be. I am not the most sociable person and find it difficult to chat to many other people, but do find people who I am friendly with and stick with this smaller circle of people - not just school runs, life in general. Since I stopped trying to be something I am not I have been a happier person. Being you isn't about conforming to the standards of others and becoming all popular, it is about respecting other people and their choices whilst living your life the way you want to. If you want to not chat in the playground that's fine, don't feel bad about it. Look at the positives in your life and know you are a good person.

[Vagndidit]

I'm socially anxious and also a "foreigner" so stuggled to find my own school gate tribe. I'm perfectly nice but I'm not the type that feels comfortable striking up conversations with people I don't really know.

I really struggled the first few years, but now DS is nearly halfway through juniors (yay!!) I swoop in and out with headphones on, using podcasts to keep me company instead.

[boolifooli]

Do what I did op, get a job at the school to avoid the school run

[Bluntness100]

Two different issues at play here, the first one is the school run, which it's quite common to have nothing in common with the other mums or want to interact with them due to that.

The second is not wanting to have any friends. That's fine, but kids grow up, marriages fall apart and it can lead to unplanned and unhappy loneliness at some point in the future.

If you are comfortable with who you are and an acceptance of this, it's fine, if you're not, and I suspect you're not as you wouldn't be posting about it otherwise, then I'd try to do something about it. Not with the school mums, but are you and your husband friendly with any other couples? Do you invite people round for dinner or drinks who are not family? Do you get invited out by people?

[Magzmarsh]

I don't think your thread is really about the school run. You've been remarkably honest in your posts about your feelings towards friends.

Everyone is different op, friends loom large in my life and are important to me but nothing trumps dc and dh, we're on the same side ultimately 😊

[PlaymobilPirate]

I'm jealous - I only get to do the school run 1 day a week and love it. I love chatting to ds on the walk, seeing him greet his mates and watch them run around for a mad 5 minutes before the bell. I like a chat with other parents too 🤓 .. think yourself lucky if you get to do the school run every day!

[Joolsy]

You'll find that as they get older there are less and less parents doing the school run for your year as they will have their youngers ones starting reception so have to be at their classroom if that makes sense. DD2 is in Yr 3 and there's only ever a handful of us parents now - it's great!

[Allthewaves]

Not a fan. Thank god the school now have a straight to class room policy. As soon as gates open you walk child to the door and drop off at classroom - bliss

[SoMuchPain]

I kind of get what you're saying OP. There are definite cliques in our school playground but at the same time these mums have older kids and known each other longer. I'm a relatively new mum. I see that people or mums I thought as a group I was close to would organise things together and not include me. I don't let it bother me too much I have other friends and over time dynamics and relationship change. You also naturallly gravitate towards people. I must admit many of these mums are SAHms with no young children (i.e. I have a toddler) so I can't always do what they do during the day. Sometimes it bothers me other times and in fact most of the time I just get on wirh it. Everyone is nice enough and I don't mind talking to people

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

When my DC started school, DH dropped DS off on the way to work, I took DD on the way to my work (Nursery). I picked DS up up taking DD in the buggy for speed , then she was big enough to walk.
I grumbled but it gave me an hours excercise (and pushing her back home uphill)
Then he was taking both and I picked up both, I used to time myself walking the 20 minutes , shaving a minute off (took longer to walk them home though)

They started Breakfast Club/ After school when I changed my days , 3 days a week.

I hated doing the School Run but I miss the excercise

[nevermindwhatimdoing]

Just sat in bed reading through the responses. It's interesting to see that I'm not alone in hating the school run, in fact there's loads of us! But I've been reflecting on exactly what I hate about it and I think I may have finally hit on exactly what my issue with it is.
The school run forces me to acknowledge who I really am, and I find that uncomfortable. Twice a day I walk to school thinking about my lack of interest in making or having friends. Up until very recently, once inside the school gates I'd put that to the back of my mind and get on with chatting to other mums and laughing and joking. Then I schlep off home with the kids, my mind turning back to what on Earth could be wrong with me. You see, I think i'm definitely not right. I'm weird, surely. I just don't want friends 😞 Having them is a pain in the backside, so as soon as people start getting too close I just cut them off.
If I could stop dwelling on why I don't really like people I could start being really happy about sharing my life with the people who matter to me. My husband, our three children, my sisters, SIL etc. The school run prevents me from forgetting that I'm an antisocial cunt 😭

[ashley0710]

Greenpuke, I hear ya!
Same situation

[PingaPenguin]

Not a huge fan of the school run. Groups of mums chatting in the playground, then there is me! DS likes to have a run around with his friends so I try to get there early for him to play dependant on how long he takes on a morning to get his f'ing shoes and coat on
But I always feel like I look at bit odd standing alone gazing around. I don't mind chatting but I have a massive resting bitch face which probably puts most people of off.

Get out of the pick up as I'm at work!

[downwardfacingdog]

Yabu to lump all the parents doing the school pick up as somehow the same. The only thing I have in common with most of the parents on the school run is we had kids within 7 years of each other. Otoh I have some genuine friends met at the school gates. I notice there are never any nasty comments about Dads at pickups. Only mums seem to get accused of boasting, bitching, cliqueyness etc. Pisses me off tbh. I don't care if people think I'm in a clique because I'm chatting to my mates while waiting for my kids.