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AIBU?

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Original poster

Borrowing money

10 replies

CuriousMary · 23/02/2017 23:28

I am not in a amazing financial situation but I am comfortable in day to day life. My brother in law owns businesses and is very well off. I was looking at a new car and he generously offered to pay for the car (£3000) and I pay him back £150 a month until cleared. I thought this was fine and no issues so I bought the car. HOWEVER I have had a argument with my sister today over something petty and it turned into a massive argument with her saying how dare I borrow money of her DH and that I only have time for her when I need something (not true). This making me feel like a looser and quite embarrassing really.
Was i being unreasonable borrowing the money?
It's going around and around in my head and i just need some clarity.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 23/02/2017 23:34

They say 'never a borrower or a lender be', and, as a general rule I reckon it's usually best not to lend any money to anyone, unless you can afford to do without it.

In your case, it depends -

  • if your sister and bil were both happy with lending you the money in the first place
  • if it really is "spare" money for them, and not making life difficult for them
  • if you actually needed a car (say to get to work where there was no public transport), or if you just wanted a car
  • if you needed to spend that much on a car
  • how confident you are that you can pay it back without defaulting
  • if anything your sister says has any truth in it.
Original poster
CuriousMary · 23/02/2017 23:37

Thank you for replying. I asked my sister at the time and she said it was between me and my bil and to sort it out between us. It is definantly spare money to him as they are well off. I feel like I should have never taken it now but she actually made me feel disgusting by saying them things.

OP posts:
loaferloveforyou · 23/02/2017 23:54

Some people will grab anything to throw in your face. If you are happy for her to do this until the loan is paid - and possibly longer - then go ahead.

Borrowing that sort of money from an actual dealer/bank may mean you pay it back with interest over a longer period, but I will doubt you will get them throwing it back at you regularly.

What's more important to you, that's the question. Incidentally, do you need a car now or could you save the money up. 150pm is a year and a half - could you wait that long?

5foot5 · 23/02/2017 23:55

Well if he offered to lend the money and you are paying him back on a regular and agreed schedule then I don't see that you have anything to be embarrassed about.

However when this loan is paid off I think you should be very wary of putting yourself in debt to them again

JoJoSM2 · 24/02/2017 00:01

You've done nothing wrong. BIL offered the money and you borrowed it. The issue is with your bil or your sister - any normal couple would make decisions about lending money to people together. Clearly they didn't and your sister is taking it out on you. I feel sorry for you ;(

Original poster
CuriousMary · 24/02/2017 00:08

He's a very nice man actually and is always willing to help people out. I get on with my sister but she has these outbursts and think she can speak to people like crap. Telling me I'm pathetic for borrowing the money, I'm a user etc. I am there for her a lot of the time especially emotionally and this is what I get back.
I will definantly not be borrowing money from them again in the future.
I just wanted to see if I was being unreasonable borrowing the money but it seems she is the problem not the money.

OP posts:
loaferloveforyou · 24/02/2017 00:16

100% not being unreasonable. That's what families are for. I assume as a couple their money is joint (in which case he should have checked with her before lending it but that's not your problem) if it's not it's none of her business anyway. And he offered.

I have a friend who is like this, she married into money and if it wasn't for her DH she would be scrimping and saving like I am. She's quite happy to flash his the cash but if you do anything she doesn't like it gets thrown back. Like "I bought you this" and "I bought you that" which would only be possible with his money.

user1477282676 · 24/02/2017 00:31

I don't think it's ever a good idea to borrow money from family like this except in exceptional circumstances.

My brother borrowed from my brother in law who is very kind....and the general family feeling was that it wasn't really on as my brother wanted the cash for a car and it wasn't something he couldn't live without.

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 24/02/2017 07:08

There is an expression, "no such thing as a free lunch."

Same with an interest free loan.

This is what you get instead of paying interest. Not worth it.

She is being unreasonable but it is predictable.

HermioneJeanGranger · 24/02/2017 07:30

I think borrowing money unless absolutely necessary is generally a bad idea. It always seems to cause problems.

But it's done now, so just pay it off and never borrow from them again - it's not worth the hassle in my experience!

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