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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to feed my children tonight

79 replies

Everyoneafter3 · 23/02/2017 17:24

Dc aged 9 and 6 drove me crackers in the supermarket earlier as I was attempting a weekly shop so I ended up abandoning the trolley and hauling them out.

As a consequence, we've not much food in the house. I was about to cook something when dd2 whined she didn't want that, she wanted something else. Dd1 whined she didn't want that.

I turned off the oven.

WIBU not to feed them this evening?

OP posts:

kikibo · 23/02/2017 18:12

Exactly. If I were them, I'd have learned the relationship between whining 'I don't want that' and daddy coming in to make my favourite meal. Apart from my misbehaviour in the supermarket that didn't have any dire consequences .

niccyb · 23/02/2017 18:12

Offer them the food that you have in and if they refuse then don't feed them anything else. If they are hungry they will eat it.
I was always told to do this with my children by the health visitor as children will eat if they are hungry.
My children are not picky eaters and it didn't do me any harm either.

Buxtonstill · 23/02/2017 18:15

Neither will accept sandwiches or toast? Who is in charge here? You're hardly asking them to eat boiled pigs brains.

highinthesky · 23/02/2017 18:16

Hunger finds no fault with the food

^^ well-worn proverb in my household.

Dragongirl10 · 23/02/2017 18:18

Erm....why at 6 and 9 can they not behave in a supermarket? Get a lot tougher Op. Give them half the list each and tell them to do the shop and meet you at the till........that will keep them occupied!

Plan a weeks worth of meals, put it on a poster in the kitchen and tell them that's what we are eating this week, if you refuse there are bananas in the fruit bowl...stick to it relentlessly, no child has ever starved themselves to death like this!

You need to make this a lot easier on yourself..OH and get DH to back you UP

NetflixandBill · 23/02/2017 18:20

I would be furious with DH in that situation!

I would have made the thing you were going to make in the first place and nothing else. Eat it or go without!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 23/02/2017 18:25

I think I would have had an argument with my DH in this situation. Also at 6 and 9 with no SN they should have learnt to behave themselves by now.

Coastalcommand · 23/02/2017 18:28

Mmmmm I'd love bread and butter for my dinner. Add in some cheese and wine and that's my perfect meal...

Galena · 23/02/2017 18:33

My 7 year old wouldn't dare mess around in the supermarket. If I have to take her she will have the scanner and we do scan as you shop. However, if that isn't working she'll come round with me and help.

If I had to leave somewhere because of her behaviour she certainly wouldn't be rewarded with her favourite tea. She would be cooked what I cooked her and she would have the choice of take it or leave it. I obviously wouldn't cook her something she absolutely hated, but it would be something nutritious but not her favourite.

We have had a few conversations about rights, privileges and responsibilities. She has the right to be fed, clothed, warm, dry and loved. Rights cannot be withheld. Her favourite food is a privilege and not a right. Privileges can and will be removed if behaviour is unacceptable. Responsibilities are things that are expected of her - laying the table, clearing away after tea, keeping her bedroom tidy, turning off her light in the morning, putting her washing in her laundry basket, behaving acceptably in public, etc. If a responsibility is not done or she complains about it, privileges are removed after warnings. No discussion, no arguments.

Maybe it's time for a similar conversation, OP.

Pigeonpost · 23/02/2017 18:43

Mine have been utter shits this afternoon and have been banished upstairs since getting home from school so I can't hear their incessant moaning. Little shits would love to get given beans on toast but I figured it was much crueller to just make them eat the healthy chicken and vegetable stirfry I had planned (and want to have myself).

ReggaeShark · 23/02/2017 18:46

Send them to bed without any tea.

Fink · 23/02/2017 18:46

I would definitely not have let anyone offer them their favourite meal after that behaviour.

I would have carried on cooking the first thing you decided to make (the thing dd2 didn't want) and serve that. They eat it or they don't. If they don't, they get nothing else. (Assuming they're not actually allergic to it, obviously. )

MrsTarzan1 · 23/02/2017 18:57

Can't believe some people think you are being serious

YANBU to be annoyed!

Galena · 23/02/2017 19:00

I think most people were assuming she would feed them something, but mainly were trying to offer advice about acceptable behaviour and not giving in to the whining about not wanting a particular meal which then got changed.

harderandharder2breathe · 23/02/2017 19:12

DH is a dick for undermining you and I think has volunteered himself for the next few food shops

I would've done toast and a piece of fruit, and they either eat that or do without. "They won't accept toast for dinner" wtf? You're the parent you make the rules

PoorYorick · 23/02/2017 19:22

Supernanny had a system that seemed to work...you make up a game board with pictures of all the things you have to buy, and the kids have to find them in the supermarket and cross them off when they've got them. You find the fun and snap, the job's a game, as Mary Poppins would say.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 23/02/2017 19:32

My motto is: if the food I am offering is tasty, well balanced and suitable for the child's age, then I will give it to them.

If they don't want to eat it I wouldn't make something different. I've made a nice meal and theres no reason to offer something else. I am not running a cafe.

You are running a cafe, you're doing it voluntarily and you're being a martyr to it.

I would have sent DH to supermarket, and made the kids a simple yet tasty dinner with the ingredients I had in the house. If they didn't want to eat it then they're obviously not very hungry. A 6 and a 9 year old can eat sandwiches, why wouldn't they be able to do that? They only refuse because they know you'll make something else.

hibbledobble · 23/02/2017 20:03

I would finish cooking whatever I started and offer them that. If they refuse then there are no other options, but they can have as much fruit as they like.

user1468843120 · 23/02/2017 20:11

There is always a choice of food options my house.

Take it
Leave it.

MrsMozart · 23/02/2017 20:15

So they're both a pain and continue to be a pain and to dictate what they will and won't have, then your OH comes and cooks their favourite meal...?

What is going to happen next time?

P.S. Mine would have got bread and butter.

hebejebe · 23/02/2017 20:16

My motto, borrowed from another mother, is "you don't have to like it, you just have to eat it..."

Funnyface1 · 23/02/2017 20:21

I would decide on something you know they don't absolutely hate and leave it at that.

bigearsthethird · 23/02/2017 20:23

You have to feed your kids. If they choose not to eat it then that's their problem.

You say they misbehaved in a supermarket to the extent you had to leave. Also they won't eat sandwiches as an evening meal?

those 2 sentences tell us everything we need to know. You need to stop pandering and start parenting.

And you DH is not helping one bit by rewarding their finicky bad behaviour. He totally just undermined you. Definately send him to bed without any dinner/treats tonight!

BarbarianMum · 23/02/2017 20:25

^ This. And your DH needs to back you up.

Are they paying you £12 a head for dinner? No? Then you are not a restaurant.

Hatemylifenow · 23/02/2017 20:26

Online shopping?

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