To wonder what's wrong with dressing girls as girls

[sparklymarmite]

I've name changed but really hoping someone can explain why you wouldn't dress a little girl in girly clothes if that's what they want? There is a little girl in my daughters class always dressed in gender neutral or boyish clothes - I feel so sad for her because she is always looking at the other girls in pretty things. If she visits other people's houses she always wants to wear their dresses and gets upset when it's time to take them off. It's probably made worse because her best friend is very girly and her mum always dresses her beautifully. Her mum seems obsessed about avoiding anything revealing but they're only 6. If anyone else is like this please help me to understand why you would do this. I'm not particularly close to this family but it makes me feel sad to see.

her best friend is very girly and her mum always dresses her beautifully

There's some stereotyping right there.
Beautifully? What does this mean?

I've always bought very girly clothes and luckily as they've grown they still love to be very much girls.very rare they out in trousers jeans etc it's jodhpurs lots been we have horses and have a farm,however they wear dresses skirts all kinds lovely tops.
I will admit I hate jeans and tend to try and steer them away if I can lol I think at present 2 pairs in the house that are very rarely worn.
And that's a house of 5 females.
Also great is they look after there clothes so always get passed down in very good condition bar riding clothes that's worn out lol

Dorcas outside MN the only thing I've noticed about pink is that it is associated with very young girls. By 7 or 8 most of my DCs peers seem to have rejected pink clothes totally (like your DD) because it is perceived as babyish, not because of anything to do with being girly. Later the total aversion wears off and it is just a colour, once they are a bit older and not as worried about being called a baby :o

There is a difference in the sexes, why are they not accepting that.

What do clothes have to do with genitals?

Maybe they can't afford new clothes and are dressing her in hand me downs?
I'm not sure how you know she staring longingly at other children's clothes?
DD2 has plenty of dresses, she still cries every time I make her take off an Anna dress that she wears at a toddler group as it's time to go home. She has the same bloody Anna dress at home!

What do clothes have to do with genitals?

As long as the clothes are able to cover up the genitals then absolutely nothing!

they still love to be very much girls

Surely girls who wear trousers are still 'very much girls' ? You know, by virtue of them being girls.

I never get the leggings and jeans are more suited to climbing, playing etc. dd is now 10 and always wore dresses and skirts, it never stopped her crawling or climbing trees or playing in the mud, even though they were often PINK!!!!

I've never made an issue out of the clothing that my dc have worn. The boys had pink t-shirts and shirts growing up and toy hoovers, prams, kitchens etc, the same as dd had blue and denim and played with toy cars. he would still much rather now at 10 play with her dolls in her pink bedroom that she chose the colour of than play with cars or trucks.

As long as the child is happy and healthy who cares what they are dressed in.

The problem is thinking that there is a particular way in which girls should dress. And that dressing in other ways makes you less of a girl. Ditto for boys.

Separate to that, putting a little girl in clothing that restricts or limits their movement and ability to explore the world physically is a horrible thing to do.

Reading back through the thread there's a lot of talk of big frilly dresses, dd has quite a few clothes that I'd call feminine but none of them are impractical, they consist largely of tunics, leggings and tops - I don't think any have any delicate bits either. I guess it's perception, I'd call a pair of jeans and flowery top girly, I'd see a sparkly princess dress as a dressing up costume not everyday wear.

Thank you seefood - this has bothered me ever since I was "told off" by some now far less close friends for encouraging my DD's natural aptitude for love of sewing, painting and learning languages and told that I was doing her a disservice by not pushing her harder towards "STEM" subjects. I don't think she has those aptitudes because she is a girl, I think she is a person with those aptitudes (none of them are anything I'm any good at despite being her mother, she is her own person of course) and it boils my blood that because she is a girl some of my peers (fairly well educated women in their 40s) seem to think she should be discouraged from doing what she loves and is good at because it is unfeminist.

IMO being encouraged to do what you love and are good at, wear what you want, study what you want, pursue whichever hobbies you enjoy irrespective of which genitals you have is absolutely what feminism should be - and that doesn't mean "gender role reversal" it means removing the gender labels and associated value judgements altogether.

My only rule with clothes is that its weather and activity appropriate. My daughter loves dresses but she knows things must be practical. She has trousers, leggings, skirts, she has stuff with dinosaurs,princesses etc we go by what she likes. If my son wants to wear stuff with princesses on thats fine. I dont get the whole thing about girls shouldent wear what is perceived as girly. My aim is to bring my children up to know they can express own likes and be confident with who they are. Pink is just a colour. I just find it funny that pink used to be considered more masculine and blue feminine

I never get the leggings and jeans are more suited to climbing, playing etc. Well that's a really simple explanation, it gives them a layer of protective clothing over the skin on their legs. I would always put trousers of some description on for a trip to the park, better than a fall on bare skin.

seafoodeatit Classic straw man - nowhere on this thread has anyone criticised girls for wearing pink. The only person being criticised was the mother who chose gender neutral clothes.

I'm probably older than most of you, and when I was a child I don't remember much pink-wearing. I mean, I had a couple of pink things in my wardrobe, but as much blue, yellow, orange. Even party dresses were as likely to be white, blue or yellow as pink.

So I'm always bemused by posters who say things like, "What's wrong with girls being girls" as though there's some intrinsic association between femaleness and any particular colour. It's only a fashion, though sadly one which is serving to polarise and police gender roles in children. I understand why some mothers get pissed off with that and develop an aversion to the colour pink. I don't agree with them - it's just a colour - but I agree less with those who get all outraged that someone is breaking rank and then pretend that it is the non-pinkers who are 'making a big thing' out of it.

I find it fairly amusing when american dads worry about their boys being gay because they like playing soccer.

In the US football/soccer is very much "for girls", and a "girly" activity. Boys play American Football.

Then people here say it's nature that boys like football, not culture...

Well said Dorcas

Docras Said it perfectly.

I know a very opinionated feminist very loud in issues involving gender neutrality and raising kids neutrally- even when you don't ask her. Each to their own. However, her youngest daughter is barbie pink and glitter obsessed and has been from a very young age.

Not all kids can be brain-washed !

Bacon I'm not sure that in this case it is a straw man so much as a tangent.

OP posts (and then disappears) criticising a mother for dressing her DD in gender neutral clothing.

Of course there is nothing wrong with gender neutral clothing. In fact all clothing should be gender neutral. As somebody else said, clothing should have nothing to do with gender in an ideal world, and for small children need have nothing to do with biological sex either given that only the genitals are different, body shape is not dictated by sex for little kids.

If clothing has nothing to do with gender then there is no reason to reject any specific clothes, they just shouldn't be labelled girly or boyish I guess. This goes for everything of course - no reason hobbies, interests, school subjects or jobs should be gendered either.

Going off on a related tangent isn't always a straw man.

My 8 year old has started to refuse to wear pink as she finds people expect her to behave differently based on what she wears.

She likes being active and is a bit of a daredevil. In the park, dressed in pink or "girly" clothes, adults will tell her to be careful, ask where her mum is, suggest she shouldn't go so high. In "boys" clothes people admire her bravery and point out how high she's going to their own kids.

She has come to the conclusion that being "girly" means accepting you aren't strong (pre-puberty she is stronger than every boy she has met), and that there are things you can't do that boys can.

*I know a very opinionated feminist very loud in issues involving gender neutrality and raising kids neutrally- even when you don't ask her. Each to their own. However, her youngest daughter is barbie pink and glitter obsessed grin and has been from a very young age.

Not all kids can be brain-washed !*

You are assuming it is the parents brain washing into gender neutrality. That it's "natural" for a girl to like pink.

It is equally likely that nursery, school, tv, friends, shops etc have brain washed the child into think pink is the colour girls like. She knows she's a girl, therefore she likes pink.

It's probably made worse because her best friend is very girly and her mum always dresses her beautifully.

Yes, because the girls are like dolls and they have to be dressed beautifully. What does this even mean?

I don't care for my child to look like Boden/Zara/ H&M/ whatever model. I want them to be comfy and warm. My children are not dolls for me to style. They choose their clothes as much as possible, they have blue clothes and they have pink clothes - does it really matter? Older daughter prefers dresses, younger prefers trousers. The only thing is that I want them to look like children not mini adults, so they probably would not be classed as beautifully dressed.

Well, I have seen one beautifully dressed 2 yo on my school run this morning. I'm in the south but still it was extremely windy and quite wet. The little girl had denim mini skirt, little furry gilet on a blouse and bare legs with girly socks with bows. Very cute, but I wondered why mum didn't wear mini skirt with bare legs herself, but decided to cover up in trousers, high boots, proper jacket with hood on. How judgmental of me.

I have two girls still at home and a lot of heir clothes are hand me downs. They both choose their own clothes (with interesting results ) the younger will eternally chose a pretty dress, then put on some leggings and knee high socks. It's a look the other will generally stick to leggings all of the time, although the is actually wearing a sparkly party skirt today. With a hoodie

I don't recall wearing much pink as a little girl. I had dresses as well as trousers but I don't remember an excessive amount of pink. (This is in the 80s). I had jumpers that my grandma knitted, dungarees (I think they were purple?) and a red cagoule that I adored because my mum had a matching one

By contrast, the girls' clothing aisles are frequently eye watering these days! While the boys' aisles are all too often drab as fuck. Unless you go up a price bracket, DS has some brightly coloured things from Joules etc. I love his green leggings with a Christmas pudding on his bottom, for example!

It's so sad there's such a divide, and it's insidious too. My mum was fretting slightly because I have lent lots of baby clothes to my sister, who is due any day now - because what if she has a girl? All the clothes I've lent are boy clothes! I mean, why does it matter? He / she will be a tiny little baby!

YABU op, leave the poor kid and her mum (and while we're at it, where's the father in all this? Are dads not meant to be bothered or take any responsibility for dressing their children?) alone.